My eyes peer on your body daily. I see the tears you cry in the midnight mist. I've come to know the wispy breaths that escape your mouth when searching for relief in your lungs. I feel the stream of water that leaks from your eyes when everyone is in hiding...and the stream of blood you wish to create running down your arm. 1
Yes, I see the fear that lurks behind the mask. My eyes soak up the appearance of mortal weakness...the moment you decide you can't handle life a moment longer; yet, you keep going. The armor you used to wear; enthusiasm and curiosity exists no more. Stripped bare to the core of reality; the reality you wish didn't exist. Venerable and broken, you urgently seek for an answer. The thing is, a cure doesn't exist and the heart thumping beneath the skin is telling you a cure never will. Not today. 2
Silence, I see, is your secret weapon. The doors remain locked, the curtains still drawn. No way in and despite the desperate yearning in your soul, no way out. I know you want help, I know you need it. But when the lips start to move and the sound leaks, English is a foreign language. Courage was never something you had and it seems too late to gain it now. So what happens now?3
Hidden behind that smile or the stubborn attitude, no one knows. They don't see the things I see in the midnight mist. They don't see the tears, the potential suicide, or the needy child that lives within your spirit. 4
They don't see what lies in the mirror I stare at. The image I hate.5
Will they ever?
Author notes
a-little-girl's contest: Option 8/9
*Frozen Angel*
A contest entry
- Seriously Deep by Melancholic Smile.
525 points, ended July 5, 2008, 25 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Leave your thoughts...
Comments
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This piece is very deep and descriptive.
Well done!!! -
Very emotional bit of writing. Your description of the saddness and utter despair are spot on. You definately tugged at my heart strings.
Your last paragraph/sentence is excellent:
They don't see what lies in the mirror I stare at. The image I hate.
I thought it was a friend the character was speaking to. This brought your story together perfectly.
My only suggestion is:
p)3 last 2 sentences - you use the word now twice very close together. It just felt awkward to me.
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I really like this story, but I have to be fair. You didn't put anything in your author notes and you have to say which option you used.
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Wow this is such a deep and emotional piece. You have described the character's emotions as they struggle to deal with their depression extremely well. It was an interesting way to write it - as if about someone else and then in the end it was how the character saw themselves all along. Your descriptions were fantastic and I especially liked paragraph 2. Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest.
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