When I first looked at you,
I first met you at that fateful place
The scent that drifted in the air
That brought us together
Didn’t we meet by fate?
I’ve always kept this overflowing feeling warmness
That I had when I’m with you
So that it won’t ever disappear1
Whenever you whisper to me,
I felt a tingling warmness in my heart
A feeling I never felt before
Just for you, I’ll sing just for you
Bringing every emotion I had within
Unlocking the very desires of you heart2
Melody that echoes
Through thousand folds of woven fabrics
A powerful voice across the world
The dazzling song of warmth and love3
Nothing will ever stop me
From singing the very song that brought us together
Because of you, I’ve gained wings
That takes me to flight to reach the skies above
With all my heart and desire,
We’ll soar high and far in the clouds above
Unfolding the colors of the world within our grasp4
It’s never ever gonna end
Because I have you, both today and tomorrow,
I can keep on going
We’ll be always together in each other’s soul
Not even time will separate us
Because we’re meant to last till forever5
Author notes
Ah not using my usual good vocab in this cuz I think...a sweet and lovey dovey poem should be straight forward and tell the person how much they mean to you^_^ Do enjoy it Do leave a comment to Thank you^_^
A contest entry
- Gimme, gimme, gimme your best Poems & Stories! by Zerstort.
185 points, ended July 17, 2008, 95 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please give me honest opinion and thoughts about this!
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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This is so adorable it's ridiculous.
I love your poetry. Keep on writing.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Aww
This is beautiful.
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This is incredibly sweet and beautiful. Great work!
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"Because we’re meant to last till forever"
That last line certainly sent chills down my spine. The poem was beautiful! Even though, as you said, your words were small, they were pieced together in a way that still conveyed your message and emotions with such grace and beauty.
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very capturing.....descriptive, without being obnoxiously corny or cheesy. Five stars!
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Simple English is always the best for describing a feeling of intensity. Well written and, I am sure, well received.
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i really like it. could feel the love in this, lol. great write.
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oh....em......geee
ok so one word will describe this.....AMAZING.
you made it flow so beautifully, and you were right about being straight forward, the big vocab sometimes takes away from the mood you are setting.
But over all, i loved the whole thing, keep it up i want to read more!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Awww *cringes at the word she just typed* This is so cute, Luke!!
No cliche lines...ohmigosh *valley-girl voice* I'm gonna keel over and die. Where's the usual blah about eyes and haunting whispers, xD?
Kidding. This is superb.
-HT
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I loved this so much!! This was a wonderfully written poem, and so full of love and emotion. You did an excellent job on this poem!! I LOVED IT TO DEATH!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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This is a really beautiful and amazing poem. Another masterpiece =D. It flows really well and the wording is awesome. Even though this didn't have your huge vocab in it, it still was really awesome.
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This is beautiful. I loved it. BTw I can message now. I'm using FireFox. It's better for me. Great job on this! Write more!
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a poem doesn't have to rhyme....
but this is beautiful. The only thing i'll say is that there aren't alot of endstopped lines. A few of them here and there would make it better. -
*smacks the person who said these are lyrcis*
No way! This! is a beautiful wonderful poem done by the one....the only.........NAGAMASA!
Alexis
(P.s If only I could give you more points in a comment.)
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Ohmygosh this is so cute! I especially love the first and last paragraphs.
And I think you're halfway right about the lovey dovey thing being straightforward. It depends on the situation. Because sometimes love is not straightforward.
Great job though, and keep it up!
♥Maureen♥
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good descriptive piece
It explains the love very well but, as you said, vocab a little distracting. The meter was off for me but essentially good and super with a little refinement.
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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This poem was beautiful! ^.^ it's relatible and worded so beautifully! nice job ^.^ the emotion is easly felt.
♥ Blackwings ^.^
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This is a really great poem you have written. Great job, Nagamasa!!
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I see a true breath of love in the characters heart as they express their feelings.
I see a well written poem, and with plenty of safe details, this also could be written into a story.
well done !
-Hismercy
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Hey! This is not a poem! These are great lyrics. Work them again, find a refrain from the lines you have and see if you can take them to a full song.
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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Lol eh really granny
hmmm sounds like a poem to me LOL okay I think it doesn't rtyhm but...>__< Lol hmm thanks for the greatt idea maybe I'll make it into a song perhaps hehe^^ Then it shall be called...my first lyrics^_^ yay
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