Love

With his big hand in the my back jeans pocket,1

2

walking so close to eachother I smell his sweat,3

4

our smiling faces hanging around my neck in a gold locket.5

6

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8

Its all I ever imagined love would be,9

10

I have watched so many girls get swept right off there feet,11

12

and I can't believe it is finally happening to me.13

14

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It seems something this great could not be real,17

18

it is like living in a dream, walking on clouds,19

20

there are no words to describe I feel.21

22

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24

The earth spins faster and time flies by,25

26

when we are together,27

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me and my guy.29

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Walking in the clouds, grabbing the moon,33

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I can't believe it is happening,35

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everything happens way to soon,37

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when someone knows all there is to know about you,41

42

and they always want to know more,43

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and you know everything about them too.45

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We can finish each other's sentences now,49

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he knows everything about me, 51

52

and he still wants to be with me some how.53

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He holds my hand57

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and wipes my tears59

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and he pretends to understand.61

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With his big hand in the my back jeans pocket,65

66

walking so close to each other I smell his sweat,67

68

our smiling faces hanging around my neck in a gold locket.69

70

Author notes

Fireflies, Faith Hill

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • lenore2010
    July 7
    Edit | Reply
    I only found one grammer problem... line 11- you put "there" when "their" is correct. Other than that minor issue, i had no problem with it, and it was so good. I had no problem with reading it, it was easy to follow and it had a good flow. Nice write.


  • Andrew Timothy
    July 7

    Edit | Reply
    Very nice thoughts and pictures. I like how you expressed the feelings of two peoples' love and companionship.

    It doesn't flow quite right though. I think if you were to try and match the number of syllables in the lines, you'd have an almost perfect poem. Try making the stanzas about the same length; it'll help the flow even more.

    The rhyme is simple, but it's still good.

    Nice job.

  • sassykitty gold member
    July 5

    Edit | Reply
    I like the way you express your emotions in such a simple yet effective way. One or two little typos and grammar errors need addressing, but overall, the sentiment behind this, the use of poetic devices all work well. Nice write and thanks for sharing.Well done!


  • BruisedConfessions
    July 5

    Edit | Reply
    i think this was a very cute poem. love portrayed in a very simple manner and so nicely that i was hoping i'll find my love soon!! good work

    . Rewarded 4


  • Tiger-Lily gold member
    July 4

    Edit | Reply
    This is sweet and cute.

    I love how you repeat the second verse. Very good end effect.

    Keep writing!

    -H


  • Adelaide Blood
    July 4

    Edit | Reply
    well done!
    I rather enjoyed this and it does make you think, whether it be negative or positive. One without love, such as myself,might wish for a companionship of this type while one with love can truly see what it is they have and how wonderful it is to have it. This was meaningful and I liked it too!


  • NiennaCalmcacil
    July 4

    Edit | Reply

    Cute! ^_^

    This was rather adorable. I'll admit, though, that the first line made me go... ??? but the rest of it fixed everything. Hahaha...just ignore me =) I'm feeling rather goofy at the moment.
    Otherwise, it was a good read =)

    . Rewarded 4

1 - 7 of 7