He woke up feeling an extreme dampness and pressure of the depth of an ocean or a deep pool, but his eyes were still shut. Wondering what was around him, he felt the softest grasp ever on his hand. “Did she come back for me?! He thought, “No, I don’t think so, I can’t smell her scent”. As he thought about smelling, he suddenly began drowning, feeling the air in his body and all around him turn into water. The water increasing in his body woke him up out of his slow lazy thoughts and he opened his eyes as he couldn’t control them anymore. 1
Immediately after his eyes opened, he saw the most beautiful back turning towards him and felt the softest stroke of fingertips on his face like a cloth of silk waving down his skin. He felt the greatest state of peace and forgot about the water around him, for he was not drowning anymore. He couldn’t see her face clearly although she was very close to him but, strangely he could see the rest of her body and glanced at it, then he looked back again at the lower part of her body, shocked with his mouth wide open.2
He tried yelling at her “What are you?” but, with the opening of his mouth he drank another liter of water. They were still in the water. She smiled at his foolishness and he felt the smile and his lips smiled back automatically. She indicated him not to worry, speaking to him directly in his mind with a voice which echoed deeply all over his body. He trusted her without resisting or thinking again, instead he thought about the feeling and the voice. “They are so familiar” he thought, “is it …” 3
She interrupted his thoughts saying, “Don’t worry I am just a harmless mermaid and you will go back home soon and safe”. He then thought again, “her voice and her way of talking, they are precisely like …” He got interrupted again, not by her, but by the environment around him as he looked around. He found himself in a vast spacious body of water full of a wide variety of marine creatures. They were so colorful and merry, diving, swimming and moving around with busy faces. They were moving around just as if nothing extraordinary has happened. “So humans are brought here often huh? He thought and she spoke to him as if she heard him and replied to his question he asked himself, “I don’t know about others but, this is the first time I’m bringing one”. 4
They carried on with their journey holding hands like a couple and he was amazed by what he was seeing, feeling and experiencing. But as time passed by the water was getting darker and darker and her smile was fading away slowly with it.5
“It’s about time for you to be going” she said, “Too bad I can’t shed any tear and let go of my sorrow in this ocean of tears shed by us, those who were granted mermaid-hood after leaving”. 6
Nothing was making sense to him and the water became darker than the blackest midnight tide. She started dissolving in the darkness of the water and he screamed, “Wait please! Don’t go!”7
“I can’t wait for you to fall asleep again and dream deep” she said.8
“What do you mean?” he asked confused and frustrated.9
“Good bye my lover”10
He tried stopping her holding her hand more firmly and screaming, “No! Stay Marina!!” and the next second he woke up from breaking a bottle of vodka in his hand. His hand was bleeding and he was lying on the seashore were he dispersed his wife, Marina’s ashes as she requested before her death.11
Author notes
thanks to my love Eloh
A contest entry
- Fairies, Elves, and Dragons! Oh my! by Prim-Rose.
300 points, ended July 8, 12 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - June New Member's Contest by SW Greeters.
175 points, ended July 3, 29 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
-
I like the way this flowed from the beginning to the surprise at the end. Very sweet, in a somewhat sad way.
Good job, and thanks for entering! Welcome to the site! 
-
Nice ending, what a surprise. Sad, but a great story.
Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
Brooke
greeter -
A sad tale but a very good story. The ending caught me by surprise. I very much enjoyed the read. Best of luck in the contest.
-
Well done with your first story. I liked the twist at the end, totally unexpected.
It was a very good read.
good luck in the contest.
-
It got better and better!
I am impressed at the way you took a difficult beginning to a powerful ending. I am sending some suggestions by IM in case you decide to polish it a bit, but I'd say this is great for a first one.
Terry -
-
Thank you so much. I never knew all those rules before and I am sure that they will help in the future.
Thanks a lot
-
-
Good Story!
I caught on quickly that he was talking with a mermaid, but I had no idea it was his wife until the end. I thought he was literally drowning, but that proved to be a dream or a nightmare. It was clear that he couldn't stay where she was.
I've used 'Marina' as the title and name of a character in a story, though the stories are nothing alike. I was naturally drawn to the title.
Good job for a first story.
Thanks for entering the new member contest. Welcome to Storywrite.
Andy
-
It was a bit confusing at first, but a kind of abstract work. I thought it was good, if not for a few errors. Great job and good luck in my contest!
-
-
thankyou...this is the first story i ever wrote so i am hoping of coming up with more and better ones
-
-
Welcome and for the first story you've ever written....well wow. And you will, it seems as time goes by they get better.
-
-
-
nice twist
Adding your comment:
1 - 11 of 11
