My name is Raisa and I am a closer.1
To many a closer won't mean much. I'm not a case closer for the police or a lawyer. I don't go around closing cabinet doors behind lazy people. I don't close a door after you've walked through. That would imply that I also open them, but that's far from the truth.2
I am an eye closer, a room closer. So yeah, I guess I do shut the door eventually. I am part of an organization of assassins, and I'm the end deal. I'm the one they call when things need cleaning up. I wipe down the room. I clean up fingerprints, the blood and any other fluids to be found.3
My job's not glamorous, but it pays the bills and there's an added security a young woman needs in this day and age.4
Normally I'd be off the radar of the law, but just twenty-four hours ago, they showed up early. Now my life is at stake.5
I've not slept or eaten since that botched job. Here's my story...
Author notes
Something new for me.
In a list
A contest entry
- Prologues and Chapter One - Beginnings by Forgotten Anomaly.
1300 points, ended February 19, 91 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 62 of 62
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Great beggining, can't wait to read more=]
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I think you have me very interested
already. I will definitely be looking for more.
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A very intriguing prologue. You give just enough information for the reader to see the character, and then leave an interesting cliffhanger to hook them into reading more. Short, but then again, it is enticing.
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Thanks
Wasn't even sure where I was going when I wrote this
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That is one very good hook. I am totally intrigued where this is going.
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Thanks. I had a lot of fun writing this and I do hope you enjoy it
Again thanks
Brooke -
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I shall await the continuing story with interest.
Cheers
Bob
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A very interesting beginning, a good undertone of sarcasm and a very dark persepctive. The interesting part of first person writing/reading is that you get more of a view of the main characters persepctive through the choice of words, attitude, and thought portrayed. You did well. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
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Nice
I really liked this, it has your touch of darkness and i can feel like there might be a little light some were in the horizan.
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Intriguing. Very.
I've been planning to read this series of yours for a time now -- but stuff just kept interuppting. Now I've got a Sunday to myself and here we go.
RJ
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Reminded me of Lemony Snicket's style of writing, that first paragraph. XD It was humourous, in a way.
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Excellent Opening!
This is a very nice and smooth opening that grabs and pulls your reader into the story. Keeps the reader turning to the next page!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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You have caught my attention. A very fresh idea. Don't write about the assassin, but rather the poor sod who goes in after him with a vacuum and windex.
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I don't think I could write about the assassin anyways. Too many details I don't know anything about
Thanks for reading and I hope you continue to do so.
Brooke
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Loved the way the opening paragraph is one line. It packs a punch!
You have a great opener here. It sparks the imagination, leaving much for us to think about and letting us know by your writing that it will be worth the wait.
You create suspense with the promise of “closure”. Ha. Couldn’t resist. Sorry.
Great Job! I liked the no nonsense first person conversational style of writing & I already have her pictured in my head. Write on!!
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Hahahaha, that was good. Thanks for reading. I have finished this and I'm really happy with it. I hope you continue to read
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An intriguing beginning. I did enjoy how you introduced this young woman and slowly unfolded the circumstances and then left the end hanging. I'm definitely interested in learning more about Raisa.
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Yay!!! I'm glad you liked it. I've finished it and am proud of it. I don't usually write this type. I'm more a fantasy writer, so this was a challenge for me.
Thanks
Brooke
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What a great beginning. Caught my attention and kept it. I am sure we are in for more, especially about Raisad. Waiting to read more about this character and to get into your storyr
beginning: 5, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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I've finished this story, but the Epilogue is just a rough draft. I need to go back and add more description
Thanks for reading.
Brooke
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In my opinion, you've got a very good story here. The title threw me for a loop before I read it, but it definately caught my attention. I'm curious to know more about Raisa. What does she look like. What does she sound like? What does she smell like? Although I like how you portrayed her in mystery in this chapter. I'd like to know more about what a Closer is. I was very interested, but confused by what you meant when you said she closed doors, but she didn't. Where and when does this take place? I can tell that you worked hard on this story, and I like how it's turning out so far. I guess that I'll have to read on to understand more. Thank you for writing this and I can't wait to see where it goes from here.
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Thanks for reading. When I said she doesn't close doors at first, I was referring to someone like a doorman, but her final act after 'cleaning' is to shut the door, so she does close door but not like a doorman
Hope you continue to read. I've finished it
Brooke
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This is what a call a great beginning. One that catches interest, one that calls persons to bring their prior knowledge of the subject then drop little pieces of it and incooperate what you want them to think so that their knowledge is adjusted...at least for the duration of the story. Can't wait to read the rest.
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Thanks for reading. I've finally finished this and hope you will continue to read it.
Brooke
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i can picture whats going to happen next.
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Thanks for reading. I hope you continue on. I've finished this story finally.
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Somehow I can already picture Raisa in my head, and you haven't described her at all. I like the brevity of this intro; I must immediately continue!
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Thanks for reading and of course for continuing to read.
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Ooh, this is going to be a seriously good series to read. What a good opening, I can hear her voice in my head. What more can I say? One thing! I am horribly jealous!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thanks Lis. I am almost done with this. I can't believe how incrediably fun this has been to write. I may have to try my hand at these type more often.
Brooke
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Intruiging
I like this. It gets the attention. I look forward to reading more.
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This story is coming to an end soon. Hope you continue to read.
Thanks for reading and I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Brooke
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I like how you got to the point and then at the end left us hanging, good technique. I like the plot and I can't wait to read the other stories!!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thanks. I hope you will read on.
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Interesting
Very interesting.I cant wait to read the rest but unfortunately I have to go to work now.So I will have to wait. -
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I'm glad you enjoyed this and hope you will read more.
Thanks
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Okay...wow...brilliant work...I love this!!! =D
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Thanks for reading
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Line 3, "I am a an eye closer" delete the "a".
Ohhh, this is SO original...not even kidding. I've never read anything like this! Poor girl...
Something that strikes me: my friend's name is Raisa,and it's a very unusual name. o.O
Good story!
-HT
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Thanks for pointing at out. Will fix that right now. I have chapter one part one done and am working on part two.
AGain thanks for reading
Brooke
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oooooh, nice intro to what looks like an awsome story.
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Hey thanks. Chapter one part one is done and am currently working on part two
Thanks for reading
Brooke
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Very nice. Sucked me...my curiousity is a weak point.. I look forward to reading more.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thanks so much for reading this. Got Chapter one part one up and am currently working on part two
Thanks again for reading
Brooke
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I like the way you introduced the story and the character.
Good morning Brooke, just made it in under the wire
. Now you can zap the works .
Is this your first try at mystery writing? Nice job.
I like the way you introduced the story and the character. No doubt that this is going to be a bit of a brutal tale with lots of gore. And your closer is interesting—still doing a normal female task—cleaning up the mess
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Can’t really say more since there isn’t much to comment on or edit.
I would like to read more, hope you continue with this.
Geri
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I hope that I can hold up to the idols here on SW (you, Andy, Chryssi, etc) and make you guys proud
I have no idea what I'm doing If I flounder you'll let me know right?
Thanks
Brooke
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A crime mystery. That is new for you. Sounds interesting.
I like the 'This is my story...' at the end. Makes it sound like an intro to Law and Order: Criminal Intent.
Looking forward to seeing where you go with this.
Greg
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You know it. I don't even know where I'm going with this, but I couldn't resist.
Thanks Greg
Brooke
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i like the term "closer." it looks as interesting in non-serif font as bloodred rose petals on black carpet.
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Thanks, I think
Brooke
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A mystery
New is good. I can't wait to read the rest of the story. I LOVE CRIME MYSTERIES.
Julie
beginning: 4, characters: 3.
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Thanks. This is something really new for me, so I'll just have to see where it takes me
Again thanks
Brooke
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Interesting. Sounds like something I'd definiately read. It does seem interestly placed with "Fox" coming out soon (the movie with Angelina Jolee as an assassin). Still, it sounds interesting.
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Thanks Cory. Will see what happens with this. I won't get to see 'wanted' until it comes out on DVD or payperview, but I hope my story is different.
Brooke
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Well, this was an excellent beginning. I want to see where the story goes from here. It sounds as though it will be most intriguing.
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I will see what I can come up with. Sometimes I just get an idea and it just stays as the first part and sometimes I can get the story out. We'll see about this one.
Thanks for reading.
Brooke
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Hello Brooke! Definitely something totally new for you!. In spite of Naiyi Buku's comment I think this is a good start. Calling the main character a "closer" piqued my interest and that's why I continued reading. There are some typos but I know you will clean them up before you close!
Anaya Roma
beginning: 5, plot: 5.
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Anayas Good to hear from you. And thanks on the comment.
Typos??? Man I thought I had gotten all of those. Don't tell me they are puncation slips? I'm terrible at those.
Will dutifully go through and see if I can find them.
Thanks again.
Brooke
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It was okay.A little boring.....you need to try to make your stories interesting.No hard feelings.
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This was a beginning idea and only partly done. This was in no way the whole thing.
But as you said no hard feelings.
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I like where this is going and will definately read more in the future if there is more.
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Thanks. This is something new for me and so I am playing it by ear.
Again thanks
Brooke
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