Episode 3: A Midnight Ride1
Orin leaned foreword in the saddle as the wind wiped against his face. He could hear his frantic heart pounding in his ears as his horse gained speed. Now was a crucial moment in the battle between good and evil; he knew that he had to pursue Mephistopheles with all due haste. If he did not, the dark lord might learn of his failure and retaliate in a more twisted and horrifying manner. Triumph snorted vapor as he cut through the ice cold air, making progress through the cold winter night . Orin looked over his shoulder anxiously, and seeing nothing he quickly returned his gaze to the road ahead. The hour was close to midnight and the forces of darkness would become anxious and search for any source of food. Orin was in no shape to fight, and he knew that he had to get to the safety of Landers Point before he was eaten alive. The moon rose high above the trees and illuminated the path before him like a beacon; by his estimate the town was about ten miles away at least, and the minor demons and monsters would soon sense his presence. 2
Suddenly his thought was personified in the woods behind him. A loud snap cut through the air and a large tree collapsed behind him. Triumph remained staunch in his efforts and did not divert his attention from the road. A second tree fell, this time only a few inches from him. Orin was now fully alert and his muscles tightened in response. Panic was slowly converted to adrenaline, and fear was washed away by an inner surge of peace. Using his knees to hold himself in the saddle Orin pulled the shotgun from the holster near his leg. He quickly dropped two shells into the dual chambers and snapped it shut. Another snap echoed through the trees and another tree fell in response. Orin laid the shotgun across his arm for balance and aimed it in the direction from which the last tree had fallen.3
A loud chuckle made Orin's hair stand on end. A flash of light tore past him, almost throwing him from the saddle. Triumph snorted but kept the pace as he had been taught to do. Orin whipped the shotgun around and scanned the surrounding area. The flash of light cut past him again but even closer than the last the time. Orin blasted a shell in the direction of the flash but it missed the mark entirely. He turned around to face the road. Immediately from the lay of the land he could tell that his situation was going to improve slightly. This particular road ran through a canyon path cut into the mountain. The canyon would act like a choke point and force his enemies into view.4
Sure enough the path began to narrow and in a few moments he had entered the mountain pass. The light flashed behind him once again and he responded with another round of buckshot. It narrowly missed the target and spattered harmlessly against the rock face. The light flew above his head and settled itself twenty feet in front of him. Orin could now get a clear view of what it was, though he quickly wished that he hadn't. The apparition in front of him was white and translucent in nature and it was graced with long flowing hair and a mouth filled with saw-like teeth. The thing in front of him was a Silver Wood Hell Maiden. Orin had heard stories about them but had never actually seen one in person. They were supposedly rare spirits created when a demon died while ectoplasm was flowing through its veins. The resulting spirit became a hungry poltergeist that slightly resembled a female baroness.5
The only enforcer that had ever killed one was Bishop Alessandro Mete, the head of the order, and even then it had been pure luck. Hell Maidens were deadly, dangerous, and almost impossible to kill; yet here was one staring Orin in the face. The one piece of advice that the Bishop had given Orin was that rock salt was effective in slowing down poltergeists and Hell Maidens were no exception. It wouldn't kill the Maiden but at least it could stall her until Orin could think of something else. Reaching into his pocket he fished out to shells packed with rock salt. Orin quickly popped out the empties and shoved the fresh cartridges into the cambers. The gap between the him and the Hell maiden was closing quickly. He could see the fearsome figure growing larger as he approached it. If he timed this encounter right he would be able to buy himself a few minutes. He was getting closer and closer with every second. He was almost close enough to move his hand through the ghostly vapors. The Hell Maiden loomed over him one second and was almost on top of him the next. 6
“Sorry miss, nothing personal but I don't kiss the spawn of Satan!” A thundering clap followed as Orin emptied both barrels of his shotgun into the ghost. The spirit shot into the air screeching as it went. Putting the gun back into its holster Orin returned his focus to his task. He was almost to the edge of Landers Point, but the protections placed upon the town would not be enough to ward off his pursuer. The last thing he wanted to do was to put the ignorant, and innocent people of the town in harms way. However, he could not think of any other options open to him at this point. Once he got to town he would make a last stand at the church, and if he lost the Hell Maiden would consume him and leave the village once it had sated itself. But Orin wouldn't go out peacefully; he had no intention of going to an early grave. His hand moved to the crusafix upon his neck and he grasped it firmly. He had far too much to live for; no one in his order had faced a Hell Maiden in a one on one confrontation, Orin would do his best to see that he was the first. 7
۞8
Alabaster could see the spirit cords more clearly as he drew nearer to the source. Every so often he would snatch a link from the spirit cord and hold it to his head. In doing so he gained a cleared vision of the area from which the spiritual energy was flowing. The picture in his mind was beginning to take shape and he could make out the shape of a cabin with a small wood shed beside it. After a second sample of the spirit cord Alabaster began to feel a sense of dread wash over him. There was another energy entwined with his own and it's color was beginning to touch and taint his own. Soon the spiritual energy turned a dark green and began to grow fronds upon it's links. Touching it began to cause Alabaster great pain and the images he received were now faint and blurry. 9
After another few minutes of walking Alabaster could see the cabin. He increased his pace and in another few moments he was at the door. He raised his hand to knock, but decided to forgo the formality of it. The door flew off its hinges as Alabaster smashed his fist into the frame. A quick survey of his surroundings told him that this home was far from humble. Tables and chairs were overturned, glasses were shattered and there was a smell that could only be described as rancid. The source of the smell was a headless body sprawled upon the floor. Moving closer Alabaster wiped his hand across the puddle of blood upon the floor. It was still fresh and it reeked of demonic energy. Alabaster could hear faint sounds coming from the bedroom. He moved to one of the overturned chairs and broke a leg off from the frame. Holding it at his side like a cudgel Alabaster slowly moved into the other room. 10
What he found was a naked woman who was in fact caught in the act of love with a naked man. It took a few moments for him to realize that the naked woman was Eria and that the individual on top who was thrusting her vigorously was...him. Alabaster was infuriated at such blatant abuse of his body, but he tried to keep it veiled under a veil of eloquence. He doubted very much that clearing his throat would break up the lovely tryst going on in front of him so he decided to do the next best thing. “Excuse me, would you kindly take my splendid body off of that... CURSED MUDBLOOD!” The entity possessing his body stopped immediately and sprang to his feet. “Oh, and one more thing; while we can both agree that it's nothing I haven't seen before would you kindly don a pair of trousers.” The entity complied but with a more relaxed demeanor. 11
“There, I have honored your requests.” The entity chuckled. “Now would you kindly answer one of mine. Who are you?” 12
“My name is Alabaster Moncrieff, and you happen to be possessing a body that is by all rights mine.”13
“I am terribly sorry about that, I intended to give it back as soon as I had found my own body. I had no intention of keeping it.” The entity responded. “That fool of a doctor was so terrible short sighted. Though what are the odds that he would pull both of us from the depths of Hades?”14
“That is a touch of irony I would have cared to remain ignorant of.” Alabaster mused. “However I must insist upon the return of my body now.”15
“Perhaps now would be a good time to introduce myself, my name is Baphomit the demon lord of destruction.”16
Alabaster raised his eyebrow with intrigue. “Is that so? I thought that Baal had banished you to the seventh layer of hell.”17
“I guess the good doctor is not completely incompetent; he managed to get his hands on the incantations to free me from my prison.”18
“In that case I suppose I have one more reason to kill you here and now. For I am a lieutenant of Mephistopheles and a loyal follower of the triad order of the three remaining demon lords. I am obligated to kill any traitors, including one such as you who is cursed with a name the damned dare not repeat.”19
Baphomit smiled. “Well we have quite a problem don't we? Except I do have one ace in the hole.”20
“And that would be?” Alabaster asked.21
“You are cursed with the body of a human, and I now am in possession of a very capable demon lieutenant.”22
“I guess that is true.” Alabaster responded. “Let's test that theory of yours.”23
With that Baphomit lunger at Alabaster and was met with the chair leg to his stomach. He fell back with a small trail of blood falling to the ground. Baphomit lunged again and caught Alabaster off guard. They both tumbled out into the living room and onto the broken table. Alabaster kicked his attacker off of him and smashed his fist into his stomach. The force of the blow sent Baphomit into the wall. He quickly recovered and grabbed hold of the fireplace poker. He ran towards Alabaster but was met with a swift kick to the knee. The blow made Baphomit lose his grip on his weapon. The poker flew out the open door into the snowy night. Alabaster threw another punch that rocketed Baphomit into the ceiling. Baphomit gasped as the wind left his lungs. Another punch sent him flying back against the wall. He sank to his knees and sucked air into his aching lungs.24
“You're out of practice, I guess one thousand years of exile will do that to even the finest demon. If you've had enough I think I'll take my body back.” 25
Baphomit laughed a deep sadistic cackle. “I just wanted to make it seem even, I'd hate for this fight to be over too quickly. But I must be leaving shortly and I've no time to continue this fight.” With that Baphomit held his hand out in front of him and muttered a few demonic verses under his breath. Alabaster suddenly felt a huge tremor hit his body as a gigantic wave of energy sent him flying into the snow. “You have given me such entertainment tonight.” Baphomit continued. “So I think I shall spare your life for now. You can have what's left of this body when I'm done with it as well. But for now just lie here; you should regain the use of your extremities shortly. I really must thank you, this is the most fun I've had in quite some time.” The rest of Baphomit's comments were drowned out as Alabaster began to black out. The last thing he remembered hearing was the muffled screams of Eria and the malevolent cackle of the demon who had stolen his body. 26
Author notes
I just want some honest feedback. Is that too much to ask?
In a list
A contest entry
- Fights! Vivid ones! by cedavis8.
130 points, ended June 24, 8 entries
Honorable winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - WANTED!!! Monsters, Demons, & Villains by Andy Stephenson.
350 points, ended July 1, 22 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Oh So Twisted... by Naive..
425 points, ended July 15, 56 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Something. by HoneyAngel.
350 points, ended September 10, 41 entries
Honorable winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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This is a good concept, and I think you really have something here. You're a talented writer, and you put this together really well.
The only problem I have is the bulky paragraphs. They can sometimes make it difficult to read, and large blocks of text can make me want to just skip everything. But other than that, very well done.
Good job and good luck.
Angel.

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=] I can give honest feedback.
You have a few spelling mistakes that I would fix by proofreading. The beginning of this story was very descriptive and I applaude you for that. Also, the ending was a great twist and left me wondering what would happen next. Very suspenseful. However, some paragraphs were really bulky and I would suggest separating them into two different paragraphs...it makes it a lot easier to read and understand. You have a talent for writing a good story and including tension that really gets in reader invested in the story. Overall, this was a good piece.
Thanks for entering and good luck! =]
-jj
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foreword should be forward in the first para.
You're descriptions are perfect, creating amazing imagery. It makes the reader feel as if they are right there with Orin in the beginning. And the chuckle brought on the tension
lunger should be lunged in 24?
You are very good with descriptions of a fight scene, made it both exciting and tense at the same time. I loved 24,25,26 best of the whole piece.
I find that i am wanting Alabaster to succeed above all else. I wanted him to get his body back, and was upset that he didn't. However, the cliff hanger makes it intersting and I am intrigued to find out what happens.
The flow and structure of this worked out perfectly. Even though i hadn't read the first two parts of your story for some time, i knew exactly where it had left off and remembered what was happening. WHich is only a testiment to how well the story is written.
You're doing very well with this. I am excited for the next and surprised i didn't realize it was out earlier. I must have missed the mem
Thanks for the good read! Brilliant! -
Not at all love- I think us as authors deserve honest and elaborate feeback.. I myself cannot stand it when people just say it is good ect, but anyone who knows me well enough elaborates.
I really admore how much you immerse yourself in your writing really - when I read it I am somehow lost in it- yet it is written so dofferently to what I usually read- so much beauty and effort- if that makes sense.
I am not one to judge errors so I wont and I apoligise for the long delay in cmmenting.
The thing is that it seems like you really nejoy writing this and I can tell.. the topics are intersting and a combination of genres.. It is an epic battle between demons and humans and posession that is by all means intensly inruiging.
I devour the way you bring your reader into the story with the sights, the smells, the darkness and light
very well written
blair
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Okay, this is really good. I recall some part of it earlier, the first one I believe. I enjoyed it, but am a bit lost now. I think I need to read the middle bit.
Writing wise, this is good. Few typos, good grammar and structure.
I can't realy find anything to criticizze. I like your characters. They have distinct personalities and that is very 3D-good in a story.
Kudos on that. xD
-HT
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Hey Micah its Mars i finally came to story write so you should help me out with this whole thing. lol later
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Good Writing.
p1 with all (due) haste.
p7 to ward (off) his pursuer.
There is a lot of action in this story. As it is the third episode, I suppose there is more before and after. You depicted two conflicts here, but neither one was completely resolved. I suspect that the battle will rage on between these characters.
Thanks for entering WANTED!!! Monsters, Demons, & Villains
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Andy

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nice nice nice
DD
loved the story, and it made me want to read the other installments xD
but what is this? a mix of lotr and harry potter? with guns? weird but cool
thanks for entering

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