I love you, always have. And I’ve always wanted you, but that’s different now.
I suspect you never knew how much you meant to me. I mean, we were friends and we hung out together, but it was more than that. You were always so funny and unafraid to state your opinion. Being around you was the best thing in the world. Man, I could just sit there and look at you, your smile, and your beautiful blond hair. And at those moments all I wanted to do was put my arms around you, and hold you tight.
You always liked me, and that made it both easier and harder. Sometimes I thought there was a hint you liked me in the way I like you. You’d always convince me to come to some party with you, and of course I would give in. But then at the party, you would hang around with other people, and I thought it was obvious you were not in love with me as well. You have perfected the art of leaving someone in doubt, I give you that much, since soon after you’d always sweep me off my feet again. Making some offhand remark about how you need me, half-joking. But also half serious, I would tell myself. And your slightest touch would lift me off my feet. Sometimes you’d sneak up on me, and put your hand over my eyes. Then you’d whisper in my ear, “guess who I am,” but all I couldthink of was your hot breath on my face and the mad fluttering in my stomach.
Then there was that week we went on fieldtrips, remember?
The time we went to the docks, and it was raining. We ran inside the building, and you stood in front of me, water dripping from your face.
You said, “I’m cold, hold me.” So I put my arms around you, and held you close to me. I never felt so happy in my life. Here you were, pressing up against me, and I held you tight. And you held me too, your arms around my neck.
If I had died right then, my life would have ended in perfect happiness. But then you let go and so did I. Yet the feeling lingered, and I think it lingered in you too. Because the next Friday we went shopping, and when I said “See you Monday, have a great weekend,” you hugged me again. And again I put my arms around you and held you tight. And it felt great. But that feeling faded, and things went back to normal. No more wonderful hugs, just the good old little things, that had kept me smitten with you for so long. Like in English class, you’d ask me to come sit next to you, smiling warmly.
And then I got a girlfriend again, remember? I’d almost say you were jealous, but of course I wasn’t sure. You were always putting my girl down, even though you never met her. But you couldn’t possibly be jealous, you know, because you were this beautiful and popular girl.
I was just a normal guy, and you could get any man you wanted. I never figured out why I was your friend at all.
Then things got a little shaky between my girlfriend and me. And you were there for me. You caught me when I fell and I’ll always love you for that. You could kick me in the balls and burn down my house, I will always be thankful for what you did that time. You were good to me.
But now I’ve finally figured it out. It was the party, of course. I know it was only last Saturday and it’s still fresh on your mind, but I have to say this.
It was at a friend’s house, his parents were gone and he invited everybody over.
We were having fun, and the drinks went down like apple juice. I’ve always been careful about alcohol so I was completely sober the whole night, but that doesn’t go for most of the other people. You have to keep in mind that, during the time I knew you, I have never seen you even kiss another guy. I knew you had a boyfriend at some point, but I never met him. So nothing could prepare me for what would happen that night. We were sitting in the living room with a bunch of people watching those late night tell-sell commercials and laughing our asses off. Then the school stud came in and sat next to you. I always thought you were one of those rare girls who wouldn’t fall for a guy like that, but apparently I had been wrong. Maybe it was the drinks, I don’t know, but you went with him to the bedroom. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t follow you, I just stayed downstairs with the rest of the guys, with my heart beating in my throat. You stayed gone for a long time. I was going crazy so I went outside for some fresh air.
As I stood in the backyard, staring up at the stars and contemplating my loneliness, I suddenly heard you sob softly behind me. I turned around and you stood in front of me, tears dripping from your face. Just as I opened my mouth to ask what was wrong, you blurted out:
“I didn’t want to do it, but he kept on pushing. He kept coming on to me, and I think it was the alcohol but I finally gave in. It was horrible, and I feel so ashamed. I feel like a -" You burst out in tears, hiding your face in your hands. I could only stand there, the night was quiet and the moonlight was in your hair. Then you looked up at me.
“I’m cold. Hold me.”
So I put my arms around you and held you close to me. I never felt so sad in my life. Here you were, pressing up against me, and I held you tight. And you held me too, your arms around my neck.
That’s when I made up my mind. You could never love me, but I would keep on loving you. I would be there, always there, to hug you when you’re cold, and to hold you close when you need it most. With you in my arms and your head resting on my shoulder, I swallowed my selfish desire for you and hugged you tight.
“Everything will be all right,” I said, but I hurt inside. I was nothing to you, just a comforting hug and a shoulder to cry on. And if that was all I could be, I might as well do a good job. So I ran my fingers through your hair and hugged you tighter still. I accepted the role that I was to play, fixing whatever damage other guys did to you, mending your broken heart time after time, but never able to touch it myself.
Always comfort you, but never have you.
Then you let go, and so did I.
I started to turn away, tears stinging my eyes, but then you took my hand in yours. “I’m sorry,” you whispered, and then you were the one holding me tightly, hugging me close.
You kissed me and I never felt so happy in my life. Here I was, pressing up against you, and you held me tight. Your hands around my neck and your mouth on mine. You were the one in distress but again you caught me as I fell.
And now I see, I finally see. We’re in love, and now I’m in the best position to protect you, to comfort you, to mend your heart if it ever threatens to break. And I wrote this letter to say: If you’re ever cold, just tell me, and I will hold you tight.
Author notes
Written long ago, some of it was fiction but some of it was real.
A contest entry
- How to Kill a Diabetic by sodancewithsoda.
300 points, ended July 11, 2007, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Make me Cry by reilly500.
175 points, ended June 11, 53 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Sickeningly sweet?
*brushes ants off my eyes*
Wow.. this completely blew me away. I didn't care if you changed tenses, I just read and lapped up this beautiful bittersweet tale of two friends wasting time fooling each other
it's funny how such a thin line could be so difficult to cross - then again, friendship is something so delicate that it can be shattered... and for some friends, friendship is enough, as long as they keep their friends ^_^
The nice thing about writing something that isn't fiction is that the emotions are raw, very real.. and that shines through in written words. The bad thing about writing non-fiction is that it's REAL - the hurts, everything, DID happen.
This is beautiful. What adds to its impact is that it happens to real people - we tend to misread things... and like the guy in the story (well, I assumed the "I" was a guy), we all tend to belittle ourselves, especially when it comes to the one (we love), haha, maybe it's tied to the fact that we just revere that person and think s/he deserves someone as "perfect" as her/him. ^_^
The ending.. sadly, it doesn't happen to everyone but then, that's why I love it it adds to the sweetness
Thank you for your entry!
Good luck with the contest ^_^
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So beautiful, just wow<33
This is...wow. I love it. My favorite part, absolutely, was :
"The time we went to the docks, and it was raining. We ran inside the building, and you stood in front of me, water dripping from your hair.
You said, “I’m cold, hold me.” So I put my arms around you, and held you close to me. I never felt so happy in my life. Here you were, pressing up against me, and I held you tight. And you held me too, your arms around my neck."
It was so cute I loved it, I loved it
Congrats, snaps, kudos, whatever.
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Why thank you
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This is so, so lovely and touching...awww I'm all emotional now...beautiful piece, the best of luck in the contest.
*applauds* -
great
she said to make her cry from romance well u idd one hell of a job this is osm!!! wow great -
awww.... this is sooo sweet... i can somewhat relate... and well hey... congrats!!! you definately hit #2 in the contest!!!
that's all i have to say about that...GREAT STORY and good luck in the contest!!!
-Amanda-
Edited on Aug 12, 1:24 p.m. because 'cuz im dumb! haha'. -
awwwwwwwwwwww awwwwwwwwww that's beautiful....
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omg...i don't cry all to often, and i'm actually a bit embarrassed to say i did when i read this. It's great...it's real and emotional and...wow...ok, i can't even think about this, but great job.
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This is very beautiful and poetic- I actually cried!
When you write, you have an amazing connection with your audience- you make them feel what you feel.
The stuff I've read by you so far seems all to be about unconditional love. I like that. It's good to know that there are people who feel that way.
Applause! -
good
AAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! its so sweet. i love it!!!! its amazing! i love it! good luck in the contest -
awwwwwwwwwww this is so sweet! i love it. its beautiful, happy, sad. amazing. good luck in the contest,
luv, kay -
thank you very much for silver!
I don't want to be a nag.. but where are those points then?
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CONGRADULATIONS!!!! 2nd place!!!! Enjoy the points.
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Great Great job. I almost cryed after reading this. I really do love this. The way you described everything to the perfect digree. I can't even describe how I feel about this. Great job. Excellent.
Luch Muck.
KAT! -
great !!
omg GREAT write!! I feel like I know someone who can relate, ::applauds:: hehe keep up the amazing work, good luck in the contest!! you deserve to win!! -
i liked it alot i wouldn't change a thing
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I wish there was someone there to hold me. What a wonderful, lovely and sad poem and I wis you the a loving life with your girlfriend. I love the way you write.
luv
Erin -
I am so sorry that I didn't comment on your write. This is a lovely poem and it makes the reader feel as though you are honestly there with them, holding them tight (female way I mean) Anyway, great poem and I am so sorry that I didn't comment sooner. I just got back on today. SORRY AGAIN!
Much Love
& 
Heather -
thank you
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wonderful write
wow,this was the most beautiful thing i have read in a long time.very romantic and elloquent.it was so good,i am actually being serious at this very moment,and you know i'm always kiddin and on,but right now all i can say is excellent job hon,very moving!!! nbf
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this is soo sad
i feel like crying
damn you
I hope you win this contest babe
goodluck
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schatje? darling, I love the way you write, and this made me feel all sad inside.. made wanna hug you and kiss you
I hope this isn't based on your feelings right now..
Savan
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