“No, please wake up!”1
For many nights she dreamed…2
“You can’t give in!”3
And each night the dream was the same…4
“Please don’t leave me!”5
To embrace the one she loves…6
“Luke!”7
Only to die in the end…8
“I’m right here!”9
But at least for this night…10
“Fei, I’m right here!”11
Feeling his tight embrace, she could open her eyes knowing...12
“So please, don’t cry anymore.”13
He was still alive…
Author notes
Wow...somehow I pulled off 70 words...I hope^^
On another note my MS word says 70 words. When I manually counted it, it was still 70 words. Yet in storywrite it says 67 words...but I think it is because SW doesnt count names as words? I think so anyway, since Luke is said 2 times while Fei is said once totaling to 3 names^^
A contest entry
- A Little Effort... by Taylor Renee.
225 points, ended July 17, 2008, 19 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Can you do it? A Short and Quick Contest. by Violette.
350 points, ended June 20, 30 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Is the plot, dialogue corny?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Dialogue is a little corny yes but the plot, not so much, I've read way cornier lol. It just needs a little work in my opinion. I felt this story should have been longer, it doesn't seem to have been designed for 100 word limit, perhaps that where you went wrong?
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This is packed with emotion and it's a unique sample of writing! Interesting and very emotional. The format suits the way the word read out! Good job!
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I really like your style of writing! It's quite different to most of what I've read on this site so far. You seem to be a deep, sensitive soul and have a most compelling way with words.
Well done!
Warm wishes
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Hm....you use same names in your stories, I note. XD
Beautiful work.
I love how simple this is, and the dream integration was awesome. ^_^
-HT
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Well, a little. I mean, yes, yes it is. I"m thinking it isn't corny because of the story, but just because you had so few words in which to write it up. I don't really get enough context to care about the characters and so it's just dialogue and a few ellipses. Still, I think this is very emotionally charged. Congratulations on the silver and cheers for the read!
Nocturne -
This was ookay and it could have had more work with it but its alright.
I wish you had made it longer as the title was perfect with the story
Hope you continue.
Good work with the writing and Keep it up
Missi -
This is ok. Seems like you could of done a lot more with it but it's ok as it it right now. Keep up with the good writing and I'll leave you with this,
Soul -
I absolutely love this
It's perfect. Completely perfect.
You did a beautiful job. It is 70 words, and it may not count names, but SW word count is like, on drugs. Discard anything it tells you; it lies. A lot ^^
Anyway, this was beautiful. It says so much in so few words, and leaves the rest to me, the reader. Exactly what the option was meant to have you write.
Wonderful.
Thank you so much for entering my contest, you did a brilliant job, and I wish you the best of luck, not much of which you need!
xoxo
-♥-
Tay
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