Obedience- Chapter 4

I woke up to an annoying knock on my door. I tried my best to ignore it, but it just kept going on and on. I finally got up with a groan and rubbed my eyes. Sitting on the bed for a while, I tried to fully gain my consciousness. I guess I had over-slept. But you really couldn’t blame me. I hadn’t had a decent sleep in days. This was the first night I had gone to sleep without that annoying dream popping into my head. 1

I walked over to the door, my feet dragging across the wooden floor. Unlocking the door, I let in an overly excited Aqua, brushing her long hair.2

“Hello!” she spoke in her morning chirpy voice.3

I nodded and walked back to the bed, falling on it face-forward. I did not want to wake up that morning. Just did not! 4

“Come on, get up. We’re going out today” Aqua’s enthusiastic tone annoyed me so much.5

“No, we’re not” I replied, my voice barely audible from under the pillow. 6

I felt Aqua jump onto the bed, making me bounce a little. I let out an exasperated sigh and looked at her, trying to gain some sympathy. 7

“Yes Caleb, I know you’re cute, but get up!” She said forcefully, kicking me off the bed. 8

I got up instantly and glared at her. She smirked at me, not finding me threatening at all. Calmly getting up from the bed she flipped her soft hair in my face, and headed for the door. 9

“I’ll see you downstairs in twenty minutes” She spoke, not looking back “Don’t be late. Remember, today is Saturday, and it’s only because of you that I’m going to that party. I still don’t like that Mark guy.”10

“…whatever! We’re just going there to hang out” I replied lazily, “Besides, I really want to make up for making you wait so long.” 11

She looked back practically crashed into me as she wrapped her arms around my back. I hugged her back. She held tight for a while before finally letting me go. I sat back down on the bed, rubbing my eyes. Aqua left, saying she’d get our breakfast form the cafeteria. 12

I had put my head against the bed, ready to fall asleep again, before my cell vibrated.13

“Ugh! What the hell?” I cried out, “Can’t I get a decent sleep? Who is…oh?” 14

“Hi Caleb, lisn I’ll be passin by ur place on my way 2 wrk. I’ll drp ur notebook along the way ok? Cya.”15

From: Mark from the Park 16

* 17

“Mark’s coming here?” Aqua asked with a little disappointment in her voice, “I don’t know Caleb; that guy still creeps me out.”18

“Yeah, I’m still not over the fact that he looks a lot like…you know” I replied, “But he sure doesn’t act like it. Besides, he’s just dropping by to give my notebook and he’ll be gone.” 19

“Yeah, okay but….Whoa!” Aqua trailed off, getting distracted by something behind me. 20

I looked back and saw Mark walking towards us. He was dressed differently that day. Instead of his normal jeans and t-shirts, he was dressed in a black suit. Inside, was a lilac dress-shirt with a much brighter tie with different shades of purple, arranged in diagonal stripes. His hair was properly combed and not like his usual mass of brown fluff. He looked…good. 21

“Hey Caleb” He gave me a cheerful smile, which I returned with a nod, “What’s up? Here’s your notebook.”22

I took the notebook in my hand and placed it on the table, next to my breakfast. 23

“Mark, this is my friend Aqua. I never got the chance to introduce 24

you two the last time” I replied. 25

“Hi Aqua, nice to meet you” Mark spoke, holding his arm out for a handshake. 26

“Likewise” She replied and I could’ve sworn I saw drool coming out of her mouth as she grabbed his hand, “Won’t you take a seat?” 27

He refused at first, but much to the Aqua’s persuasion, Mark decided to sit down for a few minutes and talk. Aqua and Mark were the ones mainly talking. I just sat there and ate my breakfast. Somehow a strip of bacon, a fried egg and toast seemed more interesting than what they were talking about. It was a good thing actually. I wanted Aqua to find out more about him. Maybe it could change how she felt about him being ‘creepy’. 28

Their conversations slowly shifted towards parents, when Mark asked Aqua what happened to hers. 29

Aqua’s parents had died when she was 6 years old. Her dad died in a general store when some men had tried to rob the place. Her mom had been a heart patient and she got a heart attack when she heard the news. It was the third one and that time, the doctors couldn’t save her. Aqua’s neighbors first took her in, but having three kids already, they decided to drop her off at the orphanage. She was surprisingly cheery, for someone that had been through all that. I envied her. 30

“Hey Caleb…” came Mark’s voice, interrupting my thoughts, “What about you? What happened to your parents?” 31

The smile on his face quickly faded as I looked back down at my breakfast tray, hoping to forget he ever asked me that. An awkward silence ensued. I had had a feeling that Mark would ask me that question. I had known it would cause some awkwardness. I was overly sensitive about that issue. I never wanted to talk about it. But then again, talking to Mark had made me feel better before. 32

“My parents…” I replied, not looking up at him, “My parents dropped me off at the orphanage when I was only a year old. They dropped me off at the doorstep, as we see in movies.” 33

“You never found out who they were? No hospital records, no nothing?” He inquired more, which frustrated me a little. 34

“They were criminals on the run, okay?” I snapped, “They were found dead in a car crash. They had changed identities so many times, that no one bothered to tell me who they really were. Hence, the last name Amethyst. So…yeah”35

“Okay, I’m sorry” he immediately replied, taken aback by my reaction. 36

I sighed and put my head in my hands. Once again, I had freaked him out. I hated doing that people. It made me feel weird, and like a stranger that no one could relate to. 37

“It’s…okay” I replied in a calm voice, “I’ll just see you on tonight. You can go now.” 38

Both of them remained silent for a while. I didn’t bother to look up at them. I looked at my tray and poked the bacon with my fork. I didn’t know what to say, what to do. I just looked down and calmed myself in that awkward silence. 39

“…I suppose I should go” He looked down at his watch and got back, “I need to get my work down early if I want to have lunch with Eric.”40

“Eric?” Aqua asked him suspiciously, “Who’s Eric.” 41

“Eric…is my boy-friend” Mark replied, causing me to look up at him in shock. 42

Mark was gay? Was he bisexual? Whatever he was, it made me uncomfortable. Not that I had a problem with homosexuality. I was perfectly alright with gay people. Lesbians, gays, bisexuals, didn’t bother me. The only thing that bothered me at that particular time was that Mark was gay. 43

Why? I have no clue. Maybe it was because, I had hugged him that night and he had hugged me back. I kind of felt like I may have given him wrong signals. Was that the reason he called me and Aqua and Saturday? But he had a boy-friend. Maybe he’s just lying about Eric. Maybe I was just paranoid. But could you blame me? 44

I watched as he walked towards the door and out the door way. Aqua sat down next to me, a small pout on her lips. 45

“Well that’s a bummer. The dude is gay.” She spoke with disappointment and turned her face towards me, “Caleb? You okay?” 46

“Me? Yeah” I replied instantly, losing my train of thought, “I guess I’m still a bit drowsy. I’ll go take a shower. Seeya.” 47

I grabbed my notebook and headed for the bathroom, wondering if I should go to the party or not. 48

Something just didn’t feel right. 49

Author notes

BAH! THis would have to be the worst one! EVER!!!!!!
=________________='
I just want to finish it and get it over with!

Be as critical as you want...just don't destroy me! T_T

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • DreamerDragon
    March 22

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    Mark's gay? Hmm...that was very unexpected. Well, it's your story so you add as many turns and bumps as you feel needed. Definitely makes me want to read more. This plot is still lovely ^.^


  • Much-Dipstick
    August 27, 2008

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    oooooo, nice twist ! Keep writing, this was gerat. Your sentence structures are superb and the dialog is perfectly real. I wonder what they're gonna do next. Anyway, brilliantly done. Very clever little twists, adn I'd love to know what it is that doesn't feel right. Really really good work. Message me when (if) you get more of this up! . In the meantime, best of luck with it, not that you need it; it's brilliant !


  • Asonine
    July 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Well.... I'm waiting... hello.....


  • Prodigious.Mirth
    June 30, 2008

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    hehe Sounds like Aqua had one to many happy in the morning ^.^

    This was so cute at the start with the huggles and the friendship !! & you got a little ryming going on their.. MARK FROM DA PARK IS IN THE CRIB o_0

    I don't know why but whenever the mention of the notebook occurs I get all excited- I think my favourite character is the notebook ^.^ not that the others are abd cause me loves them too.. but yeh...

    I loved the drooling commment I could picture the scene all to well in my head so thank you for entertaining me there..

    I dunno about mark - I think he sounds hot and all but mmm yeah ^.^

    (WHY DO YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME HUNGRY) growls and snarls !!! they eat sum pretty yummy food and I always seem to need to go get something to eat after reading this story.

    I can not excatly say I connect at all with one character but you have done a better job then some of the stories I have read regarding orpahage, some people tend to make it a total sob sob sob story and while that is all good and shat its not really you know good for the story in some respects so THUMBS UP G.

    ADORED his confusion - I am so mean but I really do love it when they are confused with how they feel... it makes so MUCH more conflict and I love it..

    Okay overall I did belive and I could feel that this must have taken you some time to write and we have all been there so dont worry it was not terrible or anything... just lacked that Aaez "sparkle" but it was still their in some parts so *clapppssss*

    BlAIR XoOXoxoxOXOXO

  • Asonine
    June 24, 2008

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    Not my favorite, but still, part of the story, I liked it, still well written. though there is one thing wrong.... IT WASN'T LONG ENOUGH! where's the rest of the story?!


  • Reaver Greeters member
    June 24, 2008

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    Don't rush

    Slow down, and set it aside. If you are frustrated with the story, you should maybe work on something else for awhile. Rushing through won't make it good. This chapter was good for me. It explained alot of things and hightened emotion. I am anxious to see if he goes to the part and to see if anything happens between the two.

    Grammar stuff: 12 form/from. 24 , after friend. 34 'no nothing' is a double negative. Should maybe drop the no. 34 drop 'on'. 44 'and saturday' doesn't make sence structurally. Change and to on? 47 missing punctuation. One note, you explained the reasoning behind his last name in chapter one. You sort of did it in a different way in this chapter.

    Again, i love the story and do wish you continue. Don't rush though, take your time and make sure you love it.

    I do! very well done, Aaez

    Thanks for letting me read. !

    Durian


  • Hermanator1 silver member
    June 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Take your time

    I have had ones that didn't feel quite right and you'll get back on track. This one did have a little trouble with the flow of the later parts although it started really strong and the scene was well established. Guess you just weren't quite ready for it to finished.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • sandancer
    June 24, 2008
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    aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i cant waait fr the party!! this is making me impatient!! aaez dont do this


  • xsallysoursocksx
    June 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    no.

    this is not horrible aaez!though i am guessing you wrote this when you were tierd, quick spelling error, paragraph 12, from not form.

    It's beautiful! Simply stunning!
    This makes it even more complicated! I love it!
    It's just...wow...this whole 'book' is outstanding!

    aaez, It's wonderful.


  • Bluemoon
    June 22, 2008

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    omfg

    I LOVEEEEEEEEEY! OMFG! This was fabulous. I completely adored it! You simply must continue...or ill have to..KILL YOU! jusk kidding lol...anyway...its great. I can't wait for the next chapter!

    P.S. this is Cecilia okay..lol


  • Missi
    June 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This was not the worst one... I really liked this, you introduced your characters more in a depth way which I really liked.

    I think you need to read line 40 and just edit it.
    ex. Line 40 - down = Done

    Over all 120/100

    Yay You

    -Missi

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