First man sucks the breath of life1
Then perhaps a bottle or a breast.2
A child, he sucks sweet lollypops3
Or candy-canes in fest!4
A teen, he sucks his sodas5
Through varied pairs of straws6
Later, as a young man, cigars and pipes7
Clenched tightly between his jaws.8
Then man sucks the lips of loves9
Cupid did bequeath...10
Finally, as an old man11
He sucks his food...because he has no teeth!12
Man certainly sucks!13
GA
A contest entry
- Amuse and Bemuse me by callthexylophone.
350 points, ended July 8, 16 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Gimme, gimme, gimme your best Poems & Stories! by AdenRecreated.
185 points, ended July 17, 100 entries
Honorable winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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haha
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This was totally funny and had a great flow to it.! Again, great luck in the contest! This was wonderful!
Rian -
Hilarious! It seems sort of serious and philosophical until the last two lines. Great job and thanks for entering!
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This was cute. I like it, it's nice and simple, and the rhyme is mostly good in it. I can see why it won a few trophies. True and funny at the same time, and quite cute.
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Humorous!
So man sucks. This is cute and humorous. It seems like your usual dry wit. Thanks for showing me this.
How are you today?
Andy
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Hehehe. I actually love the last line. When I created this contest, I expected to receive a lot of serious, depressing entries, and I'm glad that I had the chance to read something comical. Your flow was perfect, your progression was great, and the rhyming didn't feel forced at all. Fantastic job. =]
Thanks for entering and good luck.
-jj
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A clever poem! And a great use of puns! I love a good pun, I really do. Thanks for entering, chickadee!
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OK!!! This is bizarrrreee alright! I never heard of such thing. Or thought of such things!
Keep popping all your weird thoughts out!
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Ha, this made me smile, nicely written :]
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Short and snappy. This piece is thought provoking and the ending fits in perfectly, thank you for sharing this.
. Rewarded 4
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Very humorous and trickling with truth. The meter of the poem is a little short of perfect, but hardly a problem when taking into consideration its purpose. Well done.
. Rewarded 4
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haha this is absolutely lovely! and such an original idea, I must say! lol very amusing, great flow and rhyming. Everything about this poem is delightful.
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Yes!
Yes! This one made me laugh out loud. Somehow you managed to stay above the level of sophomoric, but still you've got a childlike quality to this poem. Something that says, "It's just the way it is." I like it.
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great
this was an intresting poem. with a good point. -
Heheh. Interesting idea. Not really what I expected, but it was a fun read nonetheless. It wasn't your run of the mill poem, which is always good. Keep it up!
~Trillian~
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Drawn through a very thin straw
Reasonable rhyming poetry, but not a story. Last line ruins it.
The lines could have been turned into a proressive story line. -
I like it
I like it because it’s an easy read. It adheres, the topic rather strictly and is a rather amusing look at what is in fact a trivial fact of life. It is fun; it has a place in my life.
Talk to you soon---ablelaz.
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Good
I liked it all up until the end. I think the last line made too much light out of a poem I thought was a bit serious. It works if you were going for comedy, but it could also be a bit thought provoking and work just as well.
. Rewarded 4
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Interesting pun poem and interpretation, plus it's all very true!
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Very cute little pun-like poem. It made me giggle a bit, and I love the use of the word bequeath. =o Impressive.. Not a word you see every day.
. Rewarded 4
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Hahahahah, that last part of very funny. Reminds me of starting out in a diaper and end up in one later on.
Great piece. Thanks for pointing it out to me.
Brooke
. Rewarded 4
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Good one
I wasn't expecting the funny ending. Nice play on words.
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Hilarious, buddy. Man sure does suck.
Nice interpretation, and it did make me laugh, so thumbs up there. 
. Rewarded 4
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This was very funny, I hadnt seen a poem like this before so it was very unique.
I really liked the rythm and rhyme.. it was short and simple yet different and funny
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Rhyme, rythm, style and humour! GA you have excelled yourself! I wish I had written this, I'm quite, quite jealous!
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