Do you ever feel as if the world is pressuring you down; like standing in the depths of the ocean, each step you take putting more pressure on your shoulders, until you can no longer withhold it all and you break down? I feel this way constantly... Maybe I should walk you through my life so you can understand more...1
I'm an outcast... I've never been anything more and I never will be anything more. I worry a lot and I stress too much, and everyone hates who I am. Well... everyone besides my family.2
It's been this way forever... When I was a child on the playground a girl tore the glasses from my face and through them to the ground, stomping them. I'd always been taunted and critisized; all my life I was supposed to be living up to others expectations when all I wanted to be was myself. Hurtful names were thrown in my direction, along with large rocks to the head and fists to the face. I guess you could call me strong, many have done so, but I still look in the mirror and see the same weak little girl shattering beneath her own emotions.3
Things were terribly dark in sixth grade, the year I became depressed and even suicidal. I would walk along the edge of a river looking in at the strong current and just feeling the urge to let it carry me below the trench and take my life. I was always too weak to jump in, but each time I walked that edge I hoped for my balance to become lost and for me to fall in, having no escape besides death. That all seems so selfish to me now... Because I know I am loved and I love... And those I love... If they ever died I would be torn... That year I was saved... Friendship can be a strong element and in my case it was, for I befriended three other outcasts and they helped me survive, though they really hadn't I clue I was suicidal...4
I moved from them though and things became dark again. My cheeks were forever wet with tears and my eyes red from constant crying. I suppose I should have been stronger, but like I said, I am weak... School that year was no different... I was a friendless outcast who no one accepted and as the time progressed I was simply taunted and torn down. The next year, the taunting was worse and to a larger degree; a physical one. I still look back and can feel my pathetic self grasping desperately onto reality.5
Now I guess things could be better, but they could always be worse. I can't cry in front of others, because it worries me and I feel that I have no right to tears, for others have suffered worse. Who am I to cry when there are motherless daughters and homeless men out there? I am nothing but Weak... And there is what I shall be dubbed; Weak...6
Hello, I am alone, I am afraid, and I am Weak.
Author notes
This isn't even close to a biography of my life, but its some insignificant details...
honesty?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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you put all my feelings into words. this was very good. i am made fun of at school for my smarts and am often called a 'nerd' there. great job! i really loved it over all.
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Good work.
That was so good. I am also different, now & again I am ridiculed because of it so I can relate to how you feel.
That was fantastic! -
Forget editing, this was...just wow.
I know how you feel for some of this, really, but I just don't know what else to say other than wow. Emotional outlets are so powerful, and this one especially. It's written beautifully, and I want you to know, you are NOT weak. You are strong. You are. You don't have to be alone, or afraid, I know it's hard. I'm here for you, and I know others are as well. It was strong for you to write this, it shows that you're facing all of the shit that goes on. You're up with it, it hurts, but you're able to talk about it. It's so hard, and I know it, but you are not weak. YOu're not.
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I don't know if I can trust you on that
You aren't the first to say I'm strong, but would a strong person shatter under pressure and take it out on the people she loves most, because she is a coward who can't say it to those she hates... I'm a terrible person... I hurt those I love for the pain others inflict on me and they don't deserve it, yet I can't keep myself from doing it!!! I am weak... I hate it... I even hate part of who I am... If I can't like me, then why should anyone else... I sound incredibly emo, but the truth is that I feel pathetic and weak and I'm sick of hurting my loved ones... -
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You have the right. And yes, a strong person would shatter under pressure. It's pressure. It breaks any and all that let it get to them and even strength can't always endure that kind of weight. You're not a terrible person. There always needs to be an outlet, and even strong people get scared or make mistakes. We trust our loved ones with everything and we know that they'll always love us. They understand that you have no other outlet for your feelings, you're not terrible. I don't like me, either. If you don't like you, though, all the more reason for others to. It shows that you deserve to be liked, and you do, and you are just NOT weak. You're not pathetic, and if you're hurting anyone, it's not your loved ones, but yourself. You're not pathetic, you're not weak, you're not terrible and you shouldn't say that about yourself.
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I don't know...
I think I only seem strong to others becaus of the strong appearance I strive for, to intimidate others from harrassing me, but the school year that just ended was pretty bad. 5 guys sexually harrassed me, almost everyone mentally harrassed me, emotionally I was in pieces, medically I was ill and hospitalized, and physically I was harrassed... It is different in the eyes of another to understand ones feelings of weakness... If I were stronger in every aspect of my being none of that would be an issue in my life... -
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I understand that in someone else's eyes things are different, and I understand the strive for a strong appearance. Believe me. I can't say I understand and comprehend everything that you have been through, it's not the same for me, true, but I know pain, and I understand what you feel. Partially, at least. I wouldn't worry about strength, if you are still able to go on, you are definitely strong. And you ARE strong enough to keep going. You can talk about all this shit, right? You're telling me about it, that right there? Signal of strength. I've felt the same kind of weakness at times in my life, not exactly the same experiences, true, but remember.. you can talk to me. I'll support you, alright? I'm here for you.
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I can't talk about it to anyone face-to-face
Only through the computer can I talk to ppl about this stuff and even then its pretty vague... -
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I understand that. That happens to me with a lot of things. I really understand. I really do not think you're weak, though. It is a personal opinion, I suppose, but I really don't think you are at all.
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Its not edited so sorry about that... it was only an outlet of emotion...
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