Just Weird Stuff No One Will Get

We had school off today because of the flu. However, my internal alarm clock woke me up at 6:30 sharp. Dammit. And as I laid in bed, wrestling for sleep, I thought. What did I think about? A lot of things. But I really only remember one. It was about living in my house. I don't really look like anyone I live with, nor do I act like them. Sometimes I feel like I'm "that foul-mouthed Italian kid the Castilaw's keep around". But it doesn't bother me. I just found it slightly amusing.1

So, after struggling to got back to sleep for four hours, I rolled myself out of bed. Upon walking into the kitchen, my grandmother announced that we'd be going to work out later. Super. Not really. But it's better than sitting around all day watching TV all day. Not long after going downstairs to sit on my butt to watch TV, Mom called. Asked what I was doing. I felt like being really blunt about it. And I was. And then she was stupid enough to ask me what was wrong. "Nothing." I said. "Absolutely nothing." Which is true, because I'm grounded. From everything. Except the TV. And the radio. I almost asked her how she would feel if she'd been sitting on her ass for four weeks, staring at four white walls. But I thought better of it.2

My grandmother actually offered to take me to the upcoming concert on Saturday. But I told her no, that I was grounded. She even offered to ask Mom. But I still said no; haggling with Mom is useless. And I'm really starting to not miss the concerts that much. All of my friend's won't be there. My crushes won't be there. But watch, my favorite band will be there. 3

And Megan will say, "Erin, Dying Daily played the best ever, and everyone was moshing, and then David got up on a table and danced. And then he and Chris made out." Bummer. Oh, well. I've seen David dance before. I've seen Chris almost make out with a dude.4

I must remember to pay them for their services.5

So we get to the workout place (Curves). It's closed. But it opens again in two hours. What to do, what to do. Walmart. Awesome. So we go to Walmart.6

"We need artichoke hearts." says my grandmother. Yet, there are no artichoke hearts to be found. Which is funny, considering we are standing in the middle of the aisle where they're supposed to be. Dead gummit.7

"With our luck," I thought to myself, "There is probably a portal around here that leads to an entire planet full of artichokes." Yes. That's all there is there. Millions upon millions of artichokes.8

"Let's go eat at the Chinese restaurant afterwards," my grandmother says, still searching for artichoke hearts. Yes, that's it. My friends and I will live on this planet of artichokes, working in a Chinese restaurant. Chris will be the host, and he'll wear a tuxedo. Much like the one Jack Skellington wears. And even though Kabuki is probably Japanese, we shall all wear Kabuki make-up. Because everyone would look really, really hot in Kabuki make-up. Yes, yes, yes. That'd be awesome. I think I shall write a story about it. The artichokes were found a few minutes later. There was much rejoicing.9

After completing our quest for the artichokes, we took on our next challenge. Finding baby books. My Uncle Doug and Aunt Cheryl recently adopted a little boy from Russia. And my grandmother got this wild hair that we should buy them a buttload of stuff. I quickly picked out a few books, not really caring too much about their content. However, I did find this one book about velociraptors and bought it. Not for the little boy, though. I really bought it for me. Because velociraptors rule. Later I decided I'd give it to Megan. She's mastered the whole velociraptor impression thing. Queen Velociraptor. She'd wear a large, sparkly, feathery crown,  with a small golden velociraptor in the center, along with her Kabuki make-up. She's be the hostess.10

This totally reminds me of the time Anthony suggested that he and Andi go to France and buy bagets. I then commenced into giggles. And people stared.11

Soon we left. It didn't take us long to eat. And really, by the time we had done that, we decided not to go work out. Instead, we went to Buddy's B-b-q and got a hot fudge cake. Then went to Megan's to drop off the book. She giggled that she'd keep it forever. Personally, I can't imagine, ten years from now, what her boyfriend would think. Having a small children's book on velociraptors sitting on the coffee table. Who knows. It might be a turn-on. Mmmm. Weird.12

I wonder what new, off-the wall adventures await me tomorrow.13