Memoirs from a Death March

A cold biting wind blew past her as the freezing snow nipped at her bare heels. The frigid air was hardly suitable for a short, five minute walk, much less a never-ending march. Anna was sure that even the most elaborate of clothes would not withstand the chilly temperature. At least, not for long.1

And yet she was to endure the harsh weather naked until further notice. She had no shoes, dress, shirt, skirt, or any other kind of attire. The only thing left on her was a single yellow star. All of her posessions had been stripped from her long before they'd left. She couldn't remember how long ago it had been ripped from her grasp. When you lived where she did, you lost count of days, hours, and minutes. Only thoughts of survival consumed your very being.2

But thoughts of survival were not on her troubled mind. Quite the opposite, really. She was cold, miserable, and scared. At least back at the camp she'd known how her days would go. Now, outside of the camp and into the unknown, every day was a mystery. A horrible, unpleasant mystery. Very few wished for survival. On that march, death would be a welcome friend.3

Somehow Anna managed to push on through biting cold and terrible pain. She'd been walking for two days on end. There had been no resting. There was no food, no water, and no salvation from the continuous march. The Kapos were not merciful people.4

The Kapos scared her more than the weather and the march combined. They had guns; guns that they used often. Guns that they enjoyed using. They had no mercy, no care, and no worry for people like her. She was just another Jew to them. And Jews were horrible, despicable people to them. To them, they were all destined for an eventual extermination.5

Death was not what Anna feared. After so long, death was no longer a fear. When you'd seen as much death, pain, and fear as Anna had, it merely became a part of your life. It was an unpleasant thought, but it was not unbearable. Death would lift a huge weight from any Jew's shoulder.6

But Anna did fear the way they would kill her. Death, in her scarred mind, was not optional. After seeing so much of it, she'd learned to expunge that fear from her mind. She merely feared the pain that went along with it. 7

A shot from a Kapo's gun was a painful, slow death. Rarely did they have the mercy to quickly end it. No, they let their victims suffer for as long as it took. Sometimes it was days. Other times it was hours. Either way, Anna didn't want to know which fate would befall her. If she were to go, she wanted it to be fast.8

As the Kapos lead them on, Anna began to envy the rest of her family. Her sisters, ages five and nine, had been sent to the gas chambers right away. They had met a quick, yet painless end. What Anna would give to join them.9

Empty tears spilled down her cheeks at the fragile memories they brought back. How she missed those carefree days when their sole worry had been playing in the back yard. At fourteen years old, joy was a luxury she did not have anymore.10

Her breathing quickened as she saw something in the distance. Her heart beat sped up as she imagined the possibilities. Would she finally be freed? Was that object in the distance an army come to liberate them? Her hope was soaring higher and higher as the object grew closer.11

And then it sank as reality set in. It was just another camp. They'd forced them to march for two days only to lead them to another camp. Anna knew she should've expected as much, but she couldn't help but cling onto that tiny sliver of hope that someone was coming to rescue them.12

Misery claimed her body as she resolutely walked into the new camp. At least she was in a safer place. While the camps would never fit the description of 'safe', they were safer than the unpredictable weather outside. And at least she'd have a warm bed to sleep in.13

Well, warmer than the outside. The beds were small and cramped with little room to breath. There was no reclining or relaxing. Only sleeping, recovering, and rejuvenating. Yet, to Anna, it was some kind of sanctuary. After two days in the cold, the filthy barracks was a welcome place.14

Two more days passed and Anna had readjusted to life at the camp. She had long given up the hope of rescue. She had accepted the fact that she would be living day to day just waiting for the darkness to overtake her.15

Her days, once again, became long and painful. Her health was slowly failing and her body was in constant pain. The cold had taken its toll on her small body. Even though she was warmer, the limited warmth could not undo what two days in the biting cold had done.16

Every day became a struggle. The only thing that kept her from giving up was the fear of that painful shot. She knew if she gave up then that her death would probably be slow and painful. Anna prayed every night for a painless death. She begged God to kill her and kill her soon. She wanted to join her family. While many other of her people had given up on the hope of a God, Anna was still faithful. She was sure that God would help her with that one simple request. But he didn't.17

Day after day she returned to the barracks pained and weak. Her body was slowly giving out. Pushing on was becoming a bigger and bigger fight. Her petite frame was not made for such difficult work. The small bones in her body could not carry as much as she forced them to. In a concentration camp, delicacy would be the death of you.18

But she pushed on. There was some small part of her that kept her from giving up. Anna supposed it was the fear of the Kapo's gun. 19

Just a few days before a man had been shot. His body had given out near the end of the day. Anna had been witness to the cruelty that befell him. They'd shot him twice in the shoulder and left him to die. It took hours for him to slowly bleed to death. His agonizing screams still haunted her at night.20

As the weeks flew by, Anna began to stop fighting. While she didn't want a painfully cruel death, it seemed that it was imminent. There was no escaping the fatigue that was slowly overtaking her body.21

And then came the day that she could move no longer. Fear shone in her eyes as she knew her fate was sealed. Tears streamed from the young girl's face. The end was there for her and it was unavoidable. Three times. That was how many times they shot her. Two days. That was how long it took for the shots to kill her.22

The two days were spent in agonizing pain. She begged and pleaded with them to kill her quickly, but they merely smirked and ignored her request. They enjoyed her suffering. And on the day her eyes finally closed themselves forever, they laughed. After all, she was just another dead Jew to them.