Superman and the Day He Met His Match

Once upon a time in a modern, contemporary art gallery, a hanging plant fell from it's position on the ceiling. Inside the broken remains of the pot was a photo album with pictures of a frowning mime in vintage clothing posing in front of a large body of water with a talisman of some sort hanging around his neck and a typewriter in his arms. The talisman appeared to be a cross between a fork and a large moss covered pillar. It was really weighing down on his neck. 1

Inscribed on the back of one of these mysteriously odd photographs was this message:2

I'll come back for you, my dear. Just wait for me. 3

And alongside the message was a postage stamp. 4

Appearances would point at somebody who was maybe too cheap or poor to go buy a proper postcard but the one witness to the falling plant incident didn't believe that everything was as it seemed. And this witness was no other than Superman, the secret owner of the modern, contemporary art gallery. 5

Superman thought that there was just too much of an improbability that the plant could suddenly fall off its hook all on its own. He decided to investigate. But what he found is a secret he'll keep till his grave because as he began to sift through the dirt left on the ground, searching for other clues, something bad happened. What it was, no one knows.6

When the police finally arrived, prompted by the call of a neighboring business owner, Superman had already met his match. He lay on the ground in crumpled wreck of his former glory. The neighbor has said he'd heard a dreadful shriek but such a description could not have prepared the police for such a sight. Superman's eyes had been gouged out, ripped from their sockets leaving behind torn blood vessels and stretched muscles. The flesh had been stripped off his fingers leaving stark white bone sticking out from the palms of his hands. But the most horrible thing wasn't any of these, it was that Superman's underwear that he wore over his tights had been removed, and oh, the horrors that lay underneath for he didn't have any genitalia! It was like Ken only in flesh not plastic. 7

The police immediately radioed for an ambulance and while they waited for it to arrive they pondered on Superman's genderlessness. They were fascinated.8

Superman was taken away and hooked onto a life machine in a tiny white room where he's never regained consciousness since. 9

Oh, and something interesting: a policeman did pick up the photo album and as he flipped through it he noted that the mime looked incredibly ecstatic, almost gleeful in every single blood stained photo. 10

The message on the back of one of the photos read:11

I've come back for you, my love. I told you I would.12