A huge white panel, just out of arm’s reach; generally ignored, yet always present. On closer inspection, it’s not exactly white. It’s covered in dirty smudges and blobby outlines, as though someone has written on it with dark ink, then tried to wipe away the evidence but did not quite succeed.1
The way the light is, some parts are brighter than others. One part is almost dazzlingly intense, but even that part is covered in the same tell-tale marks as the rest. Farther from that area, it fades to a duller shade, closer to grey. In this part, the brighter, cleaner, whiter parts appear as the blemishes on the smooth greyness.2
It really is enormous; breathtakingly enormous. It looks very heavy, although it cannot be.3
After a little while of watching, the patches and blobs appear to shift and change, slowly drifting to one side and changing shape.4
It may rain later.5
Visit another place, gaze upwards for a moment. The sky is much more attractive when you can see at least some blue, or at night when you can see the beautiful stars; but right now the sky is full of clouds.
Author notes
When I was a kid, there was a TV quiz programme. One type of question was “What is it?” and they’d show an extreme close-up of something commonplace. The picture would slowly zoom out until someone buzzed and said, “It’s a paperclip.” I wanted to do the literary equivalent giving hints and clues and then a final revelation, leaving the reader to think, “I guessed that pretty quickly” or “What a surprise, I wasn’t expecting that.” I needed to pick an everyday object and cast my gaze around and settled on the sky. Today, the sky is very cloudy here.
Added 24 hours after writing: For what it's worth, it did rain later, albeit only lightly.
A contest entry
- You're Prescribed to Describe by heartfullofvenom.
400 points, ended July 6, 2008, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Perhaps it's from some PANEL SHOW!
So. You sit around watching panels, ehy? Lol!
My favorite part in this piece...and actually I think you have something here in the overall style of the piece...was the line: "It may rain later!" I love the break in mood...and the way the line appears out of NOWHERE! It's quite a sophisitcated and nifty device. Save it for use in a story!
This, of course, is not a story. For a story you need, if not a character...at least some conflict. You've got your symbol...but theme? Conflict?
What can poor reader do with a series of patches and "blobs?" Still, a good exercise. But...DO "visit another place...gaze upwards!"
A few corrections: P1: but DID NOT QUITE SUCCEED
(instead of "but not quite succeeded")
P2...Further = FARTHER
GA
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You are so correct. I can see I'll have to turn my quality controls up a notch or three if YOU are going to be commenting on my offerings around here.
Thanks for your very useful insights.
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Ohhh, like this! Yes, I was disarmed when you mentioned the sky.
-HT
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I think I remember that TV show, but I don't remember where from.
Ok, I was convined from the very beginning that you were describing an ordinary, boring, who-cares white board - the kind teachers write on in schools. It all made sense - it has writing marks, it reflects light unevenly, it's a large white panel. Then you turned me on my head and told me it was a sheet of clouds instead. *is a big oogle eyed* Didn't expect that.
Of course, now that I know the punchline, everything still makes sense (and a bit more, probably ). Nicely done - a very good job describing and a pleasant twist at the end. 
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That's what I aimed for. Didn't you wonder when the markings started to move?
Curiously enough, I was visiting your home page when you posted this comment. Is there any of your work you're looking to receive comments on? -
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Actually, it was the "enormous" and "heavy" that tipped me off that something wasn't right... *laughs*
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It was the BBC show, "Ask The Family" with Robert Robinson.
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That was neat,I think most poeple would have a interesting time describing the sky. I liked the way you incorporated sizes, colors, texture...most people aren't doing that. My favorite line is "as though someone has written on it with dark ink, then tried to wipe away the evidence but not quite succeeded." , that was a very cleaver way to describe something. Its funny because I was thinking about the same thing too, about that " what is it?" and it's given me a few ideas for my next contest, which will probably be similar to this one. Anyways, very magnificent job.
Good Luck!
♥
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