Pieces of sky fell into the dirt-tainted puddles that dotted the grass-free gravel expanse my tires were delicately rolling over. The rippling puddles colored like coffee and cream were the only break in the gray monotony that was both ground and sky. It was hard to judge the depth of these puddles because the color was so thorough that there was almost no clarity from the rainwater pouring into them.1
Dilapidated buildings sat parallel to old rail-road tracks their image perfectly coinciding with the weary, worn down nature of the gray weather. Between them there is nothing but a man-sized pile of refuse. It's blackened, burned beyond any recognition as rain erodes it even closer to a complete nothingness.2
Between to of the buildings slumps a rusting chain link fence with a mass of dead vines stuck stiffly to it, like skeletons strung against a dungeon wall. They had slipped over an ominous 'no tresspassing ' sign whose red letters had faded to pale orange after years of being exposed to unrelenting sunlight. On the other side of the fence sits scrapped metals of varying colors. They lean against the fence pleadingly, tiredly, as if even the lifeless metal doesn't want to be apart of the desolation.
Author notes
Okay. This is just the description of a place I live near.. I hope that's okay =/ .. I chose it because it doesn't look like much, but I wanted to see if I could start a good story with anything.
A contest entry
- You're Prescribed to Describe by heartfullofvenom.
400 points, ended July 6, 20 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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"The rippling puddles colored like coffee and cream were the only break in the gray monotony that was both ground and sky." & "Between to of the buildings slumps a rusting chain link fence with a mass of dead vines stuck stiffly to it, like skeletons strung against a dungeon wall." are my favorite lines in this. I think you brought everything together extremely well. You had a lot of sentence, and word variety. I love your writing really, and you blow me away every time. And it is definitely okay that you described a place, because the way you did it was incredible.
Good Luck!
♥
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Wow, I guess it really goes without saying that the imagery was brilliant in this one. Thats one of my favorite things about your writing, fal. The fact that you are able to take something that may seem like the most mundane, lifeless concepts and describe them so beautifully that you can't help but feel intimidated by the prose. Very well done.
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again. wow.
amazing description, just plain wow. I'd defiantly try to make somthing of this. -
i like this, i could see everything.
it almsot sounds like it could be an opening paragraph to a book or story about war in a city where a battle took place.
the only criticism, if i may, is the fact that you metniond the sunlight in realtion to the gloomy mood, it jsut seemd out of place -
Wow, you definetely could start a story from this!
It's a very haunting description, and I really wonder where you could go with this. I guarantee it'll be intersting >.<
You took something mundane and turned it into an intriguing work of art =]
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