Guardian Angel

A guardian angel.  That was what she'd been sentenced too. To some, a guardian angel might not sound like such a bad idea, but to her, it was pure torture.1

Heaven was a nice place and all, but it just wasn't home. And being an angel was pretty cool, but still, it was nothing compared to being human. Oh what Laura would trade to be human again.2

As a human, she'd been madly in love. She'd been happy, carefree, and joyous. Every day spent with him was another beautiful day. He was her earth, her sky, and, at that time, her heaven. The world was a lovely place when he was near.3

Laura could still taste the sweet summer air on those warm, lazy days spent under the old cherry tree in her backyard. They'd spent countless hours there just talking. It had been too hot to cuddle so they'd contented themselves just being near one another. That had been more perfect than any crystalline rooms and immaculate parks.4

Nicholas had been her heaven, earth, and everything in between. In Laura's mind, he still was. He was more perfect than any breathtaking angel she had ever seen. And she missed him. Oh how she missed him.5

Almost every day she watched him from the most beautiful park in heaven. It was the only park with grass so green that it almost matched his stunning eyes. And every day, in that park, she would reminisce about those amazing days where his arms had been a more sacred place than any of heaven's immaculate grounds.6

Every day tears brimmed to her ocean blue eyes as she watched him suffer. The tears spilled for him, for her early death, and the life they'd lost together. At the time of that fatal accident, she'd only been twenty-one. They hadn't even gotten married yet.7

On January the fifteenth of the previous year, one week after Nicholas had proposed, she had met her early end. It hadn't been her fault. She hadn't been doing anything wrong. It was merely one of those things where she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. She'd been hit by a car. They'd lost control of the swerving vehicle due to icy roads. She'd been killed instantly.8

The tears spilled down her pale cheeks as the memories came flooding back. She remembered his broken expression that fateful day. She remembered sobbing from heaven, begging God for another chance at humanity. She'd promised to be a better person, but he had merely shaken his head. She hadn't done anything wrong, but it had been her time.9

But Nicholas didn't know that. Laura had been forced to watch as her sweet lover slowly lost his will to live. She knew he wanted, more than anything, to join her. And it crushed her more than anyone could imagine. Laura was torn. There was a part of her that wanted him to join her, but then, there was an even stronger part that wanted him to continue living. He was too young to die. He was only twenty-three. Laura wanted him to continue living, but, as long as she was stuck behind the gates of heaven, there was no way to tell him.10

Worry gripped her breaking heart as she paced the park's winding path. There was so much she wanted- no, needed- to tell him. There was so much that had been left unsaid. He had to know how much she still loved him. And he absolutely needed to know that she watched him from the gates of heaven. She was his guardian angel and she wanted him to be happy. She would be fine. As much as she'd rather be human, she could take any emotional pain thrown her way as long as he would smile again. She missed his breathtaking smile.11

Green leaves furiously whirled in front of her as a figure began to emerge from the whirlwind of leaves. From the whirlwind came another angel- a messenger.12

"I have a message from God," the smaller angel said, her delicate voice as soft as a gentle breeze. "He has a mission for you."13

"What kind of mission?" Laura asked dully.14

Most guardian angels looked forward to whatever mission was brought upon them, but Laura didn't like missions. They just brought back painful memories of her own humanity.15

"Well," the young angel said, a cheerful lilt in her tiny voice. "He wants you to go back to earth and help Nicholas. God is worried about him. He's become so unhappy. He thinks only you can help him."16

A wondrous light lit up Laura's eyes as she took in the news. She would get to see him again. Joy spread throughout her body as endless possibilities danced in her head.17

"But," the angel continued, attempting to bring Laura down from her high. "You only have an hour."18

Misery threatened to overtake her body at the disappointing news, but Laura pushed it back with surprisingly optimistic thoughts. She could say what needed to be said in an hour. It wasn't favorable, but it was possible.19

"When do I go?" she asked softly.20

In heaven, everything was soft, gentle, and serene. There were no loud sounds that pierced the air. Everything was sweet and serene, almost like the calm after a storm.21

"Now. The sooner the better," the wide-eyed angel replied.22

A weird feeling swept over her body as darkness clouded her vision. For the first time since her death, she was scared and unsure. In heaven, every day was peaceful and predictable. There were no surprises or mysteries. And there was certainly no fear in the eternally white place.23

But the fear was only momentary as she felt the darkness lifting. Opening her eyes, she gazed around an all too familiar place. It was their old house. The one they'd lived in before the accident.24

Carefully getting up off of the leather couch she'd landed on, Laura walked around the room. She stared, mesmerized, at the lovely emerald room. He'd repainted it. A smile played across her lips as she realized why. Green was her favorite color.25

"W-who are you?" a frightened voice demanded, a shaky finger pointed in her direction.26

Her smile widened as she turned around. It was Nicholas. Her Nicholas.27

"It's me," she whispered softly, brushing a strand of her chocolate hair out of her face.28

She always played with her hair when she was nervous. It was one of those distinguishable habits that Nicholas always loved to point out.29

"L-laura?" he stammered, caught off guard by her sudden appearance.30

"That's me," she smiled, taking a few steps closer.31

The tall man backed away, frightened by whatever was going on. He didn't know what was happening, but he wasn't sure he liked it. Laura was dead. He'd seen her lifeless body. There was no way she could be back. It was just...impossible.32

"I'm worried about you Nicholas," she said, stepping closer despite his obvious fear. "You haven't been yourself lately. I've been watching."33

"W-what do you mean?" he asked, still not convinced that what he was seeing was anything but an illusion.34

"You've been so sad lately. I miss your heaven-sent smiles."35

Amazement shone in his eyes as realization dawned on him. It was Laura. It had to be. She was the only one that ever referred to his smiles as heavenly. That was her thing and her thing alone.36

"I miss you," he whispered hoarsely, a couple tears falling from his eyes.37

"I miss you too," she told him softly, fighting back tears of her own.38

She walked- no, glided- towards him, pressing her body against his. Laura carefully laced her fingers with his and rested her head against his strong chest.39

Squeezing her small hand, a smile crossed his face.40

"I can take a bunch of sleeping pills," he said, eyes brightening. "It'll do the trick. I know it will. And then, then, we can be together."41

A few tears trickled down her cheek at his suggestion. Stepping away from her hopeful lover, she shook her head.42

"It's not your time, love," she told him sadly. "You still have a life ahead of you."43

"Why can't it by my time too?" he asked hoarsely.44

"Because He doesn't want it to be. He wants you to live. I was sent here to stop you from leaving too early," she explained. "I guess I really am the only one that can get through to you. You always were a little thick headed."45

A small smile crossed his lips as he pulled her back towards him. Wrapping his arms around her, he gently stroked her hair.46

"How long do you have?" he murmured, holding her.47

"Probably only a half hour, now," she said, tears, once again, dampening her eyes.48

Without another word, Nicholas lowered his lips to her. In all her years of humanity, never had a kiss been so sweet. Every bit of passion within them fueled the kiss as they tried to fill it with an eternity- the past, present, and future- of love.49

Their time together passed too quickly and soon it was up. Misery overcame her as a blinding light filled the room.50

"I'll always be watching," she whispered, gently caressing his face.51

With one last kiss on the cheek, the light overtook her. Back in heaven, she was really no happier than she was before, but she was more at ease. While it would still take her years to adjust, Laura knew that at least he was happier. 52

The decision had been hard, but it was not one regretted. She would just have to wait to see him again. And waiting was exactly what she would do. Even though, deep inside, she knew they wouldn't get the chance for years, there was still a part of her that held on to the small sliver of hope that his time would sooner.

Author notes

This story is something sweet and simple. It's my favorite not only because I like the story, but because it evokes the most emotions in others.

Comment Portion:

http://storywrite.com/story/245946

This was really, really cute, but you should really extend it. You've got a great idea for a story going here, but with only two hundred words we hardly had enough time to meet the characters. Extending this would give you a chance to better get the characters across. Let us truly meet them. Let us see how they act and what their history together is in depth. You've got a great idea here, but you need to add in more details so there will be a better emotional connection to the reader. Wonderful imagery, though. You've got a really good idea here so you should just take what you have and give us more.

Hope this helped.

A contest entry

Was this any good?

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Comments

1 - 41 of 41

  • Dassy
    May 23
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    pwahahaha i HAVE read this story before, and iremember it being SOO GOOD! definately a finalist!


  • SageSyren Greeters member
    May 16
    Edit | Reply
    So sad Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
    Brooke


  • Maggie Kay
    March 25

    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed it. Full of emotion. Not one emotion but many.
    Such a cute love story.
    =D thanks for entering


  • Melissa Loves Jeffy
    March 23

    Edit | Reply
    Omg. This didn't have a demon in it like that dudes contest said it was suppose to but I don't care. It was amazing. Your a brilliant writer. Great job!


  • Clary--Selene--Tayy gold member
    February 7

    Edit | Reply

    hm...

    very lovely and sad; but is this what i am looking for in my contest?... yepperoni pepperoni it is! u r a finalist!


  • LadyLionnir
    January 18
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for including the second part! Your comment was very honest and straight-forward, plus it was definitely noticed that you were the first one to comment.

  • LadyLionnir
    January 16

    Edit | Reply
    A few errors I saw:
    Paragraph 8: you spelled Nicholas wrong
    Pargraph 10: you should change lost to lose
    Paragraph 21: you repeat "serene"

    I like this part:
    "It was Laura. It had to be. She was the only one that ever referred to his smiles as heavenly. That was her thing and her thing alone."
    I love when people write about the small things that make us different from others because it really shows character. Also, you did a great job on the confusing emotion of love. I felt sympathy for your characters and it reminded me of the first novel I wrote (Benjamin, the Guardian Angel).

    I was wondering about the second part of your entry? Do you have it? I would love to keep your story in the contest, but if you don't add the second part, I have to disqualify you. I'll check back in a few hours or so.


    • moonwriter
      January 16
      Edit | Reply
      Shoot. Oh! Sorry about that. I had it but my computer was acting up when I put it in so I guess it didn't save. I'll put it in right now. I have the link but the comment got erased from the AN when my computer was acting stupid.

  • lovetoloveyou
    January 7

    Edit | Reply
    A great moral... . So sad- except I feel a sense of peace within it... Haha, I also see the beauty of this. Thanks for entering, and good luck in my contest.


  • beezy92
    December 25, 2008
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    So sad. But also hopeful. Well done. (: Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.


  • Yeshua
    December 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Nice

    The story flowed nicely and embodied the action of a traditional unfolding plot in a simple manner. It was simple yet very nice.
    A couple of typos i noticed...
    Line 44: I think the word "by" is meant to have been "be"
    Line 54: I think the word "Evne" is meant to have been "Even"

    Thank You for the contest entry. And thank you for keeping it clean. Good luck in your writing endevors.

    God Bless,
    Yeshua


  • Memoirs of a Girl
    December 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very beautiful, simple and stunning. The imagery was amazing, and the emotions were so very powerful. Great write.

    Thanks for entering!
    ~Memoirs

    P.S.,
    Kindly go through and spell check this, there were a few typos.


  • Lady Eventide Greeters member
    November 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Oh, what a treasure! This story is so beautiful! My eyes teared up and everything. Seriously. Good job. Thanks for entering.

    [I noticed some typos, but they didn't interrupt the flow of the story, so I won't mention them. Besides, they can be caught with spellcheck, like the word "reminisce" and the word "even" in the last paragraph.]


  • Atticus Unanimous
    November 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Now as well as you write, I feel that you could have chosen a more creative subject. You have a wonderful flow and are pretty good about spelling and such (even though a few things were off like instead of even you had evne.) so I can respect that. Maybe it's because I'm not religious. Maybe it's because I'm tired of hearing about such commercialized creatures. However, I loved the way you write. You repeated yourself a fewtimes in the first four or five paragraphs but other than that everything was okay.


  • Ayesha Raees
    November 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    how romantically sweet and lovely. I liked this piece... but it could be even better if you use some amazing magical verses and described a little more.
    But its simple and sweet, how it is.

  • Dassy
    November 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    oh my gosh. THat was one of the saddest things I've read on storywrite. Tears formed in my eyes as I read it. This piece was amazingly good and well written, and it proves that God is merciful as well. OMJ that was good. Thanks so much for entering!


  • tallblondie gold member
    October 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A very touching tale. I think people often wonder what would happen after death if someone died early and left a soul partner behind in the world - would they be forced to sit back and watch their remaining partner die emotionally? This story seems to answer this question and more. Good atmosphere and emotional responsed evoked, and the writing was clear and understandable.

    Thank you for your entry in Sheer Brilliance.


  • DemApples
    October 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    TITLE = 2/2PTS
    STRUCTURE = 30/30PTS
    FLOW = 13/15PTS
    CHARACTERS = 15/20PTS
    IMAGERY = 17/18PTS
    DESCRIPTION = 5/5PTS
    SETTING = 8/10PTS

    total = 90/10


  • xXSnickiesXx
    October 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Aww X-eyes water-X

    This story was so sweet, it made me cry.

    This was mindblowing in all the best ways..

    The characters were well developed,

    The conversation meaningful,

    Emotional to the max

    In a word, it was touching..

    I loved it...

    A beautiful story that is left an impression in my mind...

    Best of luck ♥


  • Neolittlefish
    October 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very sweet, i didn't really understand the last sentance but apart from that is was a great story, well done


  • Andy Stephenson gold member
    October 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Good Story!

    p53 (Even) The last sentence doesn't read well to me.

    An unhappy and frustrated guardian angel, that's a change from the norm. Sometimes guardian angels are beset with their share of difficulties, but they usually don't mind being angels.

    She wanted to be human again. That doesn't seem to say much for heaven.

    Thanks for entering Exceptional Stories To Be Published

    Andy


  • LoneWriter
    October 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow. I have no other way to put this other than wow. You have a talent for writing, that's for sure. It felt like I was right there in the story. My heart breaking along with Laura's. Let's see how this ends, I know you're name will be in the spotlight somewhere. Keep writing and best wishes

    -LoneWriter

    beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.


  • Living.Disaster
    October 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Nice
    Good Luck.


  • EmeraldLullaby
    September 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well written! Perhaps a typical view of the guardian angel situation, but overall very good. I'm not exactly sure what your definition of love is, but I think I have a pretty good idea of what you were getting at. This story is very sweet, interesting, and it flows very well. I really liked that there wasn't much conversation exchanged when she came back to earth, it was more of an appreciation for each other and the time they had. Fantastic job! Thank you for your contribution! Good luck in the contest!

    --Sarah


  • LostSoulOfRage
    September 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This story is really good! I really enjoyed reading it! It was so sad. I love the perspective that you used too. It this was an all around well written story. Great job! Thanks for entering the contest!

    -LostSoul


  • Just Breathe.
    September 25, 2008
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    How sad! You brought tears to my eyes! So sad and very well written! Good luck!


  • Celestial Rose
    September 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Awwww!! Its sad.......u made me cry...oooohhhh!!! This reminds me of my aunts death....*sniffs*I...can't...Good story, but it made me really sad...


  • cole3313
    September 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was very sad. You were thisclose to making me cry. I always wondered if it would be sad in heaven without someone I was close to during life. It was really good.


  • Peachy
    August 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This touched me. I don't know why, but it did.
    Option in author's notes please.
    Exceptionally original; I have never seen a story written in a view of an angel instead of the mourning lover, and I loved it.
    Thank you for entering and good luck!


  • Night Terrors
    August 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    a nice story it was a great read. I enjoyed your character laura a lot. The idea of humans becoming angels is not new, but you made it seem fresh. thanks so much for entering such a great sory.


  • Blood Wolf
    August 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    That was very sad and very cute. I had a lump in my throat reading it. It was really well done. "Evne" is the only spelling error. Overall, very powerful.

    Could you please add to the author's notes or reply to this comment with what I told you to put in the author's notes.

    beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • alreadyloveuforever
    July 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    it was great. i got into it from the beginning. keep it up. David


  • Myra La-Ryn
    July 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    This was a really good story. I especially like the way you made Laura not like being an angel because she missed her old life. The way you handled the scene between her and Nicholas was also really well done.

    I used to love Beauty and the Beast when I was younger, I liked it so much that my parents had to make a rule that I could only watch it three times a day.
    Good luck in the contest!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Darkhearted
    July 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wat is with the sad stories today. I have to say though it was very inspirational and a wonderful read. the emotional description were beautiful.

    good luck,
    chey-bear


  • Rhonin gold member
    July 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    amazing

    wow, i am extremely impressed. this is the first story in a long time to bring a tear to my eye. the words were literally laced with such feeling and emotion that...honestly, i cannot even find the word to express it. beautiful in so many ways and forms. thank you for entering, it is an honor.


  • whenever love dawns
    July 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this was one of my favorites! i loved the way you protrayed Laura's love for Nick. How she loved him enough to let him live his life without her. Thank you for entering! and good luck.


  • Frozen Angel
    July 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Was this any good? Are you kidding me?! This was FANTASTIC. I absolutely loved it. Thsnk you for giving me the opportunity to read this story; I am really glad I did. Good luck in my contest.

    *Frozen Angel*


  • Bree Birichino 23
    July 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    *falls over*

    ok so i absolutely LOVE this piece
    i pretty much got that heart squeezing feeling i was looking for
    it actaully got my eyes to like water...
    wow...
    this is going to be hard ot beat it it really is..
    i cant wait to read the finished please hurry im really interested!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

    • moonwriter
      July 5, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      it's mostly finished. I just have some editing to do. ( I always forget to run spell check on my stories before submitting them)


  • checkmate-
    June 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Cool! I'm glad that this fit both contests. It was soo good! I love the plot line - it was so original. The way you conveyed the emotion was very good. Good luck and thanks for entering! Keep writing!

  • checkmate-
    June 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Sure! Thanks for entering.

    Here's a picture prompt: http://images.elfwood.com/art/s/o/sonjus/fairy_of_ice.jpg.rZd.100013.jpg

    Good luck!

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