I can sense him. He’s close. Sight is useless out here. The moon is hidden behind a gauze of lingering clouds. Hearing him is impossible. He’s a master of stealth. Somehow, without these prominent senses, I can feel him. Before I can decipher how it is I know this, I feel his breath upon the back of my neck. Lips graze my shoulder and make their way under my jaw. Shuddering sensations.1
“You shouldn’t be here,” he says gently, teasing my ear. I can’t help but sigh. He knows exactly what I like.2
“I can’t stay away.” It’s all I can do not to fall into his arms. I can’t give into him. Not yet. Calloused fingers trace the line of my jawbone, stroking the side of my face.3
“Don’t do it again,” he commands. He turns me to face him, his arms wrapping around my waist. A defiant smile teases the corners of my mouth. He pulls away. “Is that a no?” Does he really have to ask? I stay silent, staring up into his eyes with that smug smile still begging to be displayed. “What is my only rule?” he asks.4
“Obey me and I will love you,” I quote. He nods and traces my lips with his index finger.5
“Do I need to punish you?” he threatens quietly. He steps back from me, not touching. I whimper.6
“No.” I reach for him and he lets me pull him against my chest.7
I feel him chuckle deep in his chest as his lips touch mine. A sigh escapes me, dancing across his face. Softly, he tastes my flesh. Gentle and sweet is always safe, always welcome. His hands journey across my body. Fingers stroke my stomach, back, breasts, neck, finally tangling in my hair. Our innocent kissing becomes more heated. Faster. Deeper. His lips leave mine, leaving a trail of wet kisses down to my neck. He stops, his nose lingering against my skin. Smell and then taste. His tongue slips across my skin lightly. 8
“Mmm… do you have any idea what this does to me?” he asks quietly. I shake my head not wanted to distract him by speaking. “Each werewolf is born with one blood scent prominent to him. One he was meant to track. Meant to drive him crazy. Meant for him to need forever. I never really believed it… until I found you.”9
Teeth graze my neck. Sharp teeth. Goosebumps skip across my skin. Not out of fear, but excitement. Hunger and lust are the same, right? His need for me, for my blood, it excites me. My legs are shaking with my need for him. 10
There it is. That smile I can feel against my skin. He knows I want him. That much is obvious. His muscles tighten against me. If he embraces me much tighter we’ll be as one person. He nibbles on the skin of my neck, nipping at my collarbone. Adrenaline and anticipation skip through my veins. I’m going out of my mind wanting him and he can tell. Just as he can feel my need, I can feel his. 11
As we reach the brink of control, he pulls away, looking to the left. Listening. I stand as still as I can, hardly breathing. Shadows skirt across the ground as the clouds slowly begin to shift. Moments pass, but he’s waiting. Snap! I hear it too. He stiffens.12
“You shouldn’t be here. You have to leave.” Is that an order? Something is seriously wrong. I can feel it too. Nervousness takes over. My heart beats in double time. Snap!
Author notes
This was just something I wrote while I was bored waiting to pick my little sister up from work. Really, it's a fantastical look at a relationship I was in not too long ago. I kinda like this but I feel like it could still use a little work.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Just a few comments lol. Oh and if they sound disjointed it's because i'm writing them as i read. Hopefully they're of some worth.
The first impression I had while I was reading this is kinda a blare out umm ok this is like a twilight with edward being a werewolf. The whole piece is very sensual but at the same time it seems to lack direction and leaves little to the imagination. Beyond that it seems a bit repetive with the main characters thoughts.
I like the direction you take it in towards the end with somthing happening. (being found, ect.) but I would really like to see more of the scenery characterising the story. ex:snowy white field with the main character wearing red cloak or somthing. A lot of that is just because hey what can I say I like scenery, but the other part is that you can't fully incorperate the first and last paragraphs without that key point.
Such as "The moon is hidden behind a gauze of lingering clouds." are they outside? inside? when mr. werewolf senses something there is the same lack of description. Like i said before i'm not trying to rant, but while it allows the reader to visualise their own view of where they are it can also be a large distraction to the plot your trying to create.
In short stories it's very important to set up the scene to grab the readers attention, if nothing more then to describe the basics like time of day and where they are. It adds to the story and helps the reader to go beyond the last line and be eager for what lies unwritten, and also gives a lay of satisfying depth which i find most people don't always realise is there.
Umm....so yeah this is my first real comment on a piece of work...haha please don't take it badly, and if you could relate what parts helped or just flustrated you, or even made you mad or miffed at the writer i'd really appreciate it. I'm kinda using you as a test before i comment on too many more. Oh and if want me to never comment or speak again on a piece of work, jump into an unending pit of sharp hair barrets let me know that too
Love your work!
-Livingstor
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