The Dreaming Soldier

“Hey Riley!” Riley turned and saw her friend Caleb waving at her. She nodded at him then went to class. Riley’s school wasn’t exactly a fine specimen but being black affected so may things. Riley was pretty happy to be in high school at all; she knew so many people who had been forced to get one, two or three jobs in place of a desk and books.1

In class Riley was silent as always, she sat at her desk writing notes and keeping to herself. Caleb sat next to her and smiled. Riley nodded slightly: she was very self-conscious about being 2

friends with a boy. Caleb shook his head: he didn’t understand what she was so nervous about. “We’re just friends, it’s not like we’re getting ready to elope or something.” He always said. Riley always said that it was just part of her shy nature, that she didn’t want to stand out. What she didn’t say was that inside, all she wanted was to stand out and that she only lacked the courage.3

After school Riley ran into Caleb at the bus stop. 4

“I still don’t get what you’re so nervous about,” he said as they waited to board the bus. 5

“I’ve told you already: I’m just a really quiet person,” said Riley while they looked for seats. 6

“Here we go,” said Caleb, Riley wondered if they were far back enough for the seats to be considered black, however, the back was full so she sat down. It only took a few seconds for the bus driver to make his way to where Caleb and Riley sat. 7

“Now c’mon, you know this section is for whites, negroes sit in the back,” he said in his Tennessee accent, turning ‘section’ into ‘sey-ction’. Riley started to get up but Caleb grabbed her arm. 8

“Before you succumb to this man’s wishes, let me ask him something,” he said, “This bus is used by a majority of the negro high school students, are you going to make all of them crowd into that small space back there while the whites have all this room?” “Caleb, come on. Let’s just go to the back.” Caleb didn’t budge no matter how hard Riley tugged at him, so eventually she just went to the back and watched hoping that Caleb would have the good sense to follow her to the back of the bus. But Caleb didn’t have what Riley called good sense; he put his feet up on the seat she had been sitting on as he waited for the driver to answer. 9

“Boy, I don’t have time for this, so follow your girlfriend and go to the back,” said the driver. Caleb’s heart pounded in his chest as he continued to sit on the seat and listened to the complaints of the other passengers. “C’mon boy! Get back or get out.” When Caleb didn’t make a move to go to the back, the bus driver grabbed him by his arm and collar.10

Riley stood in the back and watched as the bus driver threw Caleb off the bus, scattering his things all over the sidewalk. “Do you know that guy?” asked another student that Riley didn’t know. “No. Not real well.” “Weirdo huh?” The girl checked her watch. “Now I’m going to be late.” She said as the bus rolled off. Riley looked through the window as Caleb got his books together.11

“Can you believe that guy?” asked Caleb over the phone. 12

“What?” Riley was trying to solve a math problem as she talked to Caleb. 13

“I said, ‘Can you believe what that guy did?’” 14

“Believe what?” 15

“What happened on the bus!” he shouted. 16

"You should’ve come to the back,” Riley said. “You shouldn’t have made such a scene.” 17

“A scene!?! Riley… segregation is the great divide between us and them…” Riley listened guiltily- her denial of knowing Caleb burning inside of her. 18

“I’m sorry Caleb,” She said. 19

“Yeah me too. I yell too much.” But that wasn’t what Riley was apologizing for. She wanted to tell Caleb,tell him what she had said on the bus, but she stopped herself and, not knowing what to say instead, abruptly ended the conversation by saying, “Listen, I’ve got to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” But Riley didn’t see Caleb the next day, or the one after that. She thought about calling him, but she didn’t want to admit what she had said on the bus. The part of her that always imagined things far worse than they ever were thought that perhaps Caleb had already found out and was giving her the silent treatment. Another part dismissed this notion completely and figured that Caleb had finally realized that Riley’s quiet nature would not allow her to respond to his enthusiastic waves. Yet another part dismissed all these ideas and decided to wait to see Caleb again then ask him what was going on. It would be weeks before Riley finally saw Caleb walking early in the morning, away from the bus stop.20

Riley walked toward the bus, wondering if she should run up to Caleb and talk to him, but of course she didn’t. Riley could have kicked herself and her shyness, but she didn’t have too. Caleb called her.21

The phone started ringing at around 5 AM – far too early. Riley tried going back to sleep, but it’s hard with a phone ringing only a wall away. So Riley finally went and picked up the phone, 22

“Hello?” 23

“Riley? It’s Caleb.” 24

“Hi Caleb.” Riley checked the clock it read 5:05. “What are you doing up so early?” she asked, still rubbing sleep from her eyes. 25

“I got to go soon. Listen meet me at the bus stop tonight at 10:00. I might be late, but I need to talk to someone. Bye.” The line went dead. 26

10:00 came and went. It wasn’t until close to 10:45 that Caleb came. 27

“Sorry about the early call this morning.” He said. Riley looked at her friend and blinked. He looked terrible, like he hadn’t slept in weeks. He didn’t smell so good either. 28

“Where you been?” she asked, “You haven’t been going to school. Is everything okay?” Caleb shook his head then yawned. Riley followed Caleb as he began to walk along. 29

“I’ve had to drop out of school.” He said. Riley goggled: Caleb had sworn many times that he would finish high school. “I had to…” he said, trying to justify what he himself didn’t believe in. “I got a job as a sanitation worker… just for now…to bring in some extra money…” But they both know it would last longer then ‘just for now.’ 30

“Is it real bad?” asked Riley. Caleb nodded. 31

“We work harder then they do, longer then they do, but at the end of the day they get more wages then we do.” 32

"It can’t be that bad. You’re just upset about dropping out.” Caleb didn’t even smile at the attempted humor. “Sorry.” Caleb shrugged, 33

“Not like I can go back. I work morning till night and I don’t see half of what the whites get. I don’t make more then $1.80, how does that help? I want to go to college, get a real job…” he trailed off. 34

“Caleb, it’s okay. It’s just one of those ‘every cent counts things. College can wait…” 35

“What do you mean it can wait!?!” Riley blinked. 36

“I mean that you don’t have to do it now. It’ll always be there, it’s not going to go away…” 37

“Don’t give me that!!” he shouted. “Can’t you tell I’ve had enough of that? Enough of those lies?” Riley looked at her shoelaces, of course he had heard that before. “What you don’t understand is that it will go away. Maybe not physically, but… can you imagine applying? ‘Oh yeah, that gap in my edu? I was working as a garbage man.’ ” 38

“Caleb you won’t be like that. You’re too strung-willed…” 39

“Yeah, so what happens when I’ve gone through ‘one more year’ and find out I’m an 80 year old high school drop out?” He turned and walked off, coincidentally leaving Riley at her house. As she walked up the stairs and into her home, Riley thought about her conversation with Caleb. She considered calling and apologizing, but what could she say? “I wish I had as much Rile as you” ? “I’m sorry for telling you to put everything aside” ? No matter what she said, it would come down to her lack of “Riley”. 40

That was in late November and as the weeks wore on Riley became convinced that she wouldn’t hear from Caleb again. Riley wondered, again, if she should call him and this time she did. No one picked up the phone so she left a message.“Hey Caleb, it’s Riley…” she paused for a long time. “Ummm… just wanted to… uh… apologize about the other night…Ii should’ve known better than to say that… Anyway…will you call me back? Okay, uh… bye.” It felt lame, but you have to do what you have to do. It wouldn’t be until early February that Caleb called Riley back. 41

It was raining, Riley was nodding off when the phone rang.Riley ran for the phone knowing that only Caleb would be calling. 42

“Hello? Riley speaking.” 43

“Riley, it’s Caleb.” 44

“Hey! Did you get my message I’m so sorry about what I said…” 45

“Riley, just shut up will you!” he shouted. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, but listen, can we meet?” 46

“Sure tomorrow after you…” 47

“No, I mean now.” 48

“Ummm… I don’t know, it’s really late and…” 49

“Listen, Riley, please. I really need to talk to somebody.” Riley paused for a moment. “50

Okay, I’ll come. Where should we meet?” But the line was dead. About ten minutes later there was a knock at the door. When Riley opened it she was shocked to see Caleb, dripping wet, standing hunched in the hallway. Riley ushered him in and gave him a towel to dry himself off with. “Come on in, you want to sit down?” Caleb nodded and stumbled over to the chair Riley held out to him. “What’s up?” Riley knew it was a dumb thing to say but… It was then that Riley realized that Caleb was crying ever so softly. “What?” asked Riley. “did something happen? Were you fired?” Caleb didn’t say anything, just looked up. 51

“He died.” 52

Riley looked at him questioningly, “Who died?” 53

“My buddy, Rob Walker. He died. Him and Echol Cole.” He shuddered. Riley went over and squeezed his hand. It was a few minutes before Riley asked the question. 54

“What happened?” 55

“It was bound to happen…” he muttered. “Century old equipment, even this won’t get us upgrades.” 56

“Just tell me what happened.” Caleb sighed again. 57

“It was raining and Bob was sitting in the truck. Something happened with the truck, an electric short I don’t know, but I hear this screaming from one of the trucks so I jump out of the one I’m sitting in and run to the source which turns out to be another garbage truck.” He coughed, “I start looking for some prankster but I don’t see anyone, then he starts screaming ‘turn it off!’ then nothing. It’s not until they send us home that we realized Robert and Echol are missing. It only takes few minutes for us to put two and two together…” Caleb shuddered as he relived the screams and grinding of Echol Cole and Robert Walker. 58

“It’s okay.” 59

“No, it’s not okay!” Caleb threw Riley’s hand to the side. “When it rains, they pay the whites but not us. We all qualify for welfare. We all have at least two jobs. We don’t get a single day off and you know what? They’re not going to change anything because of Echol and Robert, they’ll pay a few hundred dollars because they have to, but other than that nothing will change because we’re only ‘walking buzzards’…” Caleb was letting the tears fall now. “They won’t cover it. Death like this should change things, but what will this do? What?”60

Riley was silent because she knew Caleb was right. Nothing would change for the blacks and she had private doubts that it would. 61

“We’re going to meet with the AFSCME on the 11th to see what’s going to happen next.” he said, wiping his eyes. 62

“AFSCME?” 63

“American Federation of State County and Muncipal Employees.” 64

“Oh.” 65

“We’re going to stand up. We’re going to go on strike Riley.” There was a silence. After a while, Caleb left and Riley went to catch a few hours of sleep.66

The next day was a fuzz. Riley would later say that it had passed by her and that it only slowed down and let her catch up when she turned on the TV. Walter Kronkite popped on as Riley did her homework. Assorted news, but the day stopped when the screen flickered to a large group of demonstrators picketing city hall. Then the camera panned to people standing at the mason Temple Church of God. Riley didn’t listen to the commentary; she knew exactly what was going on. 67

Caleb was actually going through with his strike! He was there. He wasn’t on camera but he was there, shouting, protesting, fighting. Riley stared at he screen of colored dots that composed the picture of the strikers. Riley stared at the screen and though that she saw herself standing among the supporters. She blinked and the screen was normal again. You wish. She thought to herself, and it was true: she did wise that. What was the difference between her and Caleb? Why, why WHY? Then that annoying inner voice in Riley piped up and said “Because you stop yourself from being like him. Every chance you get, all you do is turn around and imagine what it could have been like if you were standing by Caleb…” Riley shut out the voice: she got the picture, and she was determined to change it. 68

A week later Caleb called. He called almost everyday now with the latest news on the rally.69

“We submitted our demands today.” 70

“Oh yeah?” she asked, determined not to stop herself. 71

“Yeah.” 72

“What did you ask for?” 73

“Union recognition, 10% pay increase and sick leave, among others.” 74

“Do you think Mayor Loeb will concede?” 75

“We don’t know. We hope so.” 76

“What about you?” 77

“Frankly, I don’t think there’s a chance he’ll negotiate. The others are pretty optimistic that he will, I don’t think the odds are that good. If he refuses us we’ll rally.” 78

“What if it turns violent?” 79

“Exactly. Thing is, I almost want him to refuse us so that we can really show him how we feel.” Riley thought about it and decided that she disagreed entirely. 80

“But why risk the casualties?” 81

“Because it shows that we’re willing to take risks to achieve our goals.” 82

3 days later, on February 22 Caleb lined up with his fellow strikers and supporters lined up to hear the resolution. Nothing happened. 83

“What’s going on with Mayor Loeb?” 84

“He’s just putting us off. ‘You’ll get a resolution’ the council gathered, voted for the mayor then left.” 85

“Are you going to march?” 86

“City Hall to Mason Temple.” There was a pause. 87

“Do you want to come?” Riley took deep breaths and tried to resist the urge to refuse. “It’s okay if…” 88

“What time?” she blurted out. On the other end Caleb’s eyes widened and then he grinned, “Whenever you can get there.” * * * 89

The march was on. Walking back and forth was Caleb and his friends. At 4:00 Riley showed up and joined in. 90

“Glad you could make it.” Said Caleb when he found Riley. 91

“Me too.” She said glancing at the patrol cars with some anxiety.92

”Don’t worry about them, they’re just here to make sure we stay nonviolent.” Caleb said, following Riley’s gaze to the patrol cars. 93

“They make me feel like a criminal.” She said continuing to walk. 94

“Join the club, but what can you do?” The pair heard a scream. Like everyone else, they ran to the source. By the time they got there people were rocking the nearby police car. 95

“What happened? What are you doing?” asked Caleb to no one in particular. 96

“This police car.” Said a man pointing at the rocking car, “ran over my wife’s foot!” 97

Riley started to back away, but Caleb grabbed her hand and pulled her closer to the fray. “I just want to see if the lady is okay.” He had barely finished his sentence before the pair heard an hissing noise and felt a burning fire behind their eyes. Riley heard Caleb coughing. 98

“I can’t breathe.” He wheezed. Riley also felt suffocated and doubled over when a fist met with her stomach. By the time she hit the ground Riley had decided to get out of the chaos that now constructed the march. After she had recovered from the blow, Riley got up and snuck away hoping that Caleb would be okay. As she walked Riley wondered if she had done the right thing. She wondered whether she should have found Caleb and made sure he got home alright. She wondered. Wondered. In the end she felt that perhaps this business wasn’t for her. 99

Needless to say, Caleb called later that night.100

Riley picked up the phone and cradled it on her shoulder as she inspected her black eye. 101

“Hey. How are you doing?” asked Caleb. 102

“Sore as can be.” Riley said, putting another ice pack on her eye. 103

“It wasn’t that bad.” 104

“Okay.” 105

“Listen, it’ll be better next time, okay?” More Riley coaxing Caleb thought to himself. 106

“I know Caleb. I’m just a bit shaken by this afternoon.” Riley was just skirting around the fact that she knew there wasn’t going to be a next time. 107

“Well get some rest, I’ll talk to you soon.” Caleb hung up. 108

“Yeah, talk to you soon.” Riley put the phone back. As she finished up her homework, Riley knew she had failed in her quest for Riley. 109

“Next time” she said quietly. Riley passed Caleb a couple days later on her way to school, he passed her a note that read “Boycott Loeb businesses and the local papers.” Riley looked at the paper and sighed. “I’ve got to pull out of this.” She thought to herself, “I’m never going to be like Caleb, I’m who I am and there’s no changing that. I’ll call him tonight to let him know.” Thus decided, Riley walked through her day.110

The phone rang a total of 13 times before Caleb picked it up. 111

“Hello?” Riley didn’t say anything. “Hello???” Riley coughed. 112

“Hey. It’s Riley.” 113

“Oh, hey. We’re boycotting Wonderbread and…” 114

“I can’t Caleb.” 115

“What do you mean?” 116

“I can’t do this anymore.” 117

“No, you just don’t want to.” Caleb was done trying to convince Riley. 118

“It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s that…” “119

That what!?! That you’re too scared to get your feet wet?” 120

“I just can’t keep doing this.” 121

“One black eye and you’re already giving up? One injury. You know how much pain I’ve put up with?” Riley was silent as she counted the cracks in her wall. 122

“I can’t be like you Caleb. It’s just not in me.” 123

“No Riley, that’s not the problem. You’re just using that as an excuse like you always do. No, the problem is that you would rather be courageous enough to take the “easy” way than to just do what you want to do.” 124

“Caleb, I’m really sorry.” 125

“Sure you are.” 126

“I want to follow you, but I can’t.” 127

“I’m sick of pushing you. You want to pull out under the same pretenses you always do, go ahead. But you need to come and take a step of your own. I’m done coaxing you.” He hung up. Riley replaced the phone in a daze. She couldn’t get the words out of her head. The words bouncing in her head. Bouncing. “You would rather be courageous enough to take the easy way out than to just do what you want to do…” Riley was angered by the things Caleb had said. She wasn’t taking the easy way out… well okay she wasn’t exactly being resilient but they called it the easy way for a reason. Riley had chosen that path because she lacked the courage to keep going. 128

After that night, Caleb didn’t talk with Riley anymore. Riley passed by him at the bus stop but he ignored her shy hello’s. But she did boycott Loeb. 129

Riley went to the rally 10 days later. As soon as she got there, Riley looked for Caleb. She found him marching in the middle of the column. When she went up to him, Caleb ignored her. 130

“Listen, you’re right, I have no courage whatsoever but I’m trying to get it…” 131

“Did you listen at all to what I said last week?” Riley was taken aback. “I said that I am sick of being your backbone. I said I’m sick of your excuses and sick of how you use your courage to say you don’t have any.” Riley was starting to get sick of the tone of the conversation. 132

“I still don’t get what you mean by that. They call it the easy way out for a reason.” 133

“What I mean by that??? I mean that you can sum up the courage to call me and to come here but you can’t do what you want to do: stand out and be courageous.” Riley realized that what Caleb was saying was true. “The easy way is just a fork in the road and neither path is easier than the other.” Riley nodded slowly, admitting her mistake. They heard the sound of shattering glass and turned to see the cops heading towards them. Riley’s heart tightened, her breath became shallow and quick. The police continued onward brandishing batons and violently arresting protestors. The police grabbed Caleb, who squirmed out of their hands. Riley felt someone grabbing her arms and she lashed out in a panic. A baton met with her stomach then with her back as she buckled over, causing her to call. She groaned when she hit the pavement and bruises were rejuvenated. “Take them away.” An officer hauled Riley up and marched her away. It took Riley a minute to realize exactly what was happening: she had been arrested. “I’m not a criminal” she wanted to shout but her voice had frozen inside her. 134

The jail was filled to the brim, the police had arrested over 100 people. People. Caleb was in the cell next to Riley, who pressed her face against the bars and slid down into a heap. Caleb was knocking her wall and apparently fund a loose brick which he pulled out. 135

“Hey.” Riley turned around. 136

“Over here.” Riley went over to the wall where Caleb was. 137

“How’s it feel to be a criminal?” he asked. 138

“Unfair.” 139

“Welcome to my life.” 140

“Will they let us go?” 141

“Probably tomorrow.”142

Caleb was right; they were released the next day. They didn’t talk for a week. When they did, it was Riley that called. Caleb picked up after the third ring. 143

“Hey, Caleb. It’s Riley.” She said, and then without letting him say anything she continued, “Something is seriously wrong with me.” On the other side of the conversation Caleb was looking at his phone in confusion. 144

“You think something is wrong with you?” Riley acted almost like she hadn’t heard him. 145

“Every time I hear a door slam it’s a door slamming in the face of a black person when they try to enter a white school. Buses aren’t just buses; they’re segregated buses. Even the windows seem dirtier because they’re “black” windows and not in a hoity-toity white neighborhood…What is wrong with me Caleb???” 146

“Nothing is wrong with you, you’re just seeing things the way they are.” They talked for a few minutes after that, but in the end just hung up.147

The next day Riley went to the rally, Caleb was surprised to see her marching so soon. “Everything okay?” “Just fine.” Said Riley as she fell in with the other marchers. For the first time, Riley wasn’t hiding something or trying to force herself to keep marching. For the first time Riley had some Rile in her. 148