For the first time

For the first time1

In a long time2

Being alone felt good3

Panic, butterflies and moths in the digestive system. The coat-hangers converse like wind-chimes.4

A ray of light from a peeled back closet door, shining through the speckles of dust, and obstructed only by Roy's distorted shadow.5

"Can't have you dying of thirst or anything." More light stabbing through my eyes like small pins, he raises a glass of water into the air.6

"Look," he sighs. "Caila."7

"I can't have you screaming too loud it will upset Marcy, I've had enough trouble with that bitch as it is."8

The dryer comes to life and through the wide open door and through the wide open door and thin cracked sheet rock I hear something metal scraping against it.9

The water ripples in the glass as Roy sets it down. A small stream pours over the top and runs down the side, across the linoleum.10

My mouth is cotton.11

My tonsils are swollen.12

I nod my head.13

"Matter of fact the bands practicing upstairs, it'd be best for both of us if you just didn't talk...okay?"14

Another nod.15

"Okay."16

The duct tape breaks from my lips peeling thin layers of skin with it.17

Panic.18

Shallow breaths.19

Water seeping through the cracks in my lips and down my throat.20

"Caress linguista."21

The water glass is empty.22

And the light is gone.23

This is the story of a dead girl and a lonely boy. The dead girl didn't really know what she wanted neither did the lonely boy, he just knew he was lonely. They settled for each other and both lived happily ever after until one day...24

Cutting through the air of silence is the piano, and closer yet from inside of the garbage disposal, Marcy is crying.25

[PANIC]26

Dry.27

"Roy," the voice seems alien even to my own ears. I let it echo off the closet walls until...emptiness28

Marcy has stopped crying.29

A power drill kicks up in the garage.30

Is it just my imagination, a vivid hallucination, or have my eyes finally adjusted?31

A glass of water filled to the brink.32

I clamp down on the rim with my teeth and tilt the glass until water is seeing into my mouth.33

Hope!34

Then it turns to sand in my throat.35

The story of Caila Rodesta:36

One day the dead girl got pregnant and she didn't feel so dead anymore. But she's pretty sure the babies gone and dead now, she hasn't eaten for two days and hasn't had anything but a glass of water to drink.37

Rain and windowpanes:38

The gutters are full and murky brown water seeps through the grates.39

Outside leaves soggy and yellow with an oncoming fall are slipping through branches onto the cement sidewalks.40

I can't seem to cry.41

I put my hand across the windowsill. I can see the Mark's brothers dressed in yellow rain-jackets and splashing through puddles up the street, occasionally stopping and moving out of the way so a car can pass.42

If I could cry.43

If I could bleed.44

If I could feel.45

I'd go out and play with them.46

Father's hands come to rest on my shoulder.47

"You make sure not to tell anyone what Charle's did to you."48

Of course not. This is a house where mom does the dishes, dad fucks his own daughter and she just tries her best to feel...anything.49

Outside the rain has begun to cling to the windowpane.50

I try my best to forget because I think i can feel if I just forget. Forget the blood erupting, the stretching, the pain, the explosion of something white and sticky.51

But Charles is on the other side of the window and it isn't going to change.52

My eyes, windowpanes to this world still won't dampen and I still can't feel53