It was a nice a sunny day outside but he could see the storm brewing on the horizon. Dark clouds slowly coming closer and closer. The fear took hold of him and he new that it was going to be a long night. He prepared for the mental and physical assault the storm would bring him. He wished the storm could pass and for nothing happen to him but he new better than that because it was coming straight for him with nothing to stop it. It only took a hour for the storm to hit him but he new the storm would stay all night long but in the morning he would be the only one to see the storm coming and the only one to feel his wrath. He new every storm changed him in one way or another and slowly the fear of the storm turned to hate. He made up his mind that he wouldn’t let a storm hurt him again so when he saw the next storm coming he pulled out his dear old dad’s gun and blew off his dad’s head. The cops came running as fast as they could and all he could think was where were you when I needed you.
Author notes
Hate it when people beat there kids. I think those people are the lowest scum on this earth.
A contest entry
- Make me laugh, make me cry, make me feel something! by LittleMissChrissie.
450 points, ended October 24, 2008, 75 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Show off your talent X3 by xXSnickiesXx.
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Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Short and Sweet by WritersEffigy.
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Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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X-Eyes Water-X
This is so not kool...
I hate the idea of anyone beating their kids...
This was easy to read but still packed a powerful punch..
It was, in a word, Powerful..
It cut to the emotion and it was easy to comprehend... awesome job!
Best of luck♥ -
Very dark! I like the effect of half the story being a metaphore, and the sudden switch from dark and forboding to short simple sentences at the end.
Mabye you should put some paragraphs in to break up the wall of text but that might damage the flow so i'm not sure
Very good.
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I agree with you about them being the lowest people on earth. It's horrible and it is sadly a very common problem in today's world. Some people can be very sensitive about these things and I think you handled it well.
There were some spelling and grammatical errors in the story but overall it was very good.
Best of luck in the contest!
Chrissie
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Yeah, I really agree that parents who abuse their children are absolutely horrible; they have no right to! It is a very important issue at hand, thank you for bringing it up! The story was good in its simplicity but perhaps could have been developed a little further. I like the part about how 'he' knew that the storm would change him and all. (:
Thanks for entering!
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I have a little experience with the subject and under completely the last few lines. My only thing is that I felt the change of fear to hate was too sudden for me despite your use of the word slowly in that line. I think you captured the essence of the problem at hand quite nicely though.
beginning: 3, ending: 5.
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Yesh, yesh
Agreed.
People who beat their children are one of the lowest scums of the Earth. How anyone could do that to their own flesh and blood is beyond me.
Nice job!
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