Going out

I get my coat...1

...And then I'm out, slam the door shut, stairs, legs running, miss a step, hall light flickering, a stench of urine, a rusty bike, fumble for the latch2

..h..e..a..v..e..3

the door shuts with a thud and a click.4

It's dark. There is a wet smell in the air: of damp leaves, rain, puddles on the street. Tears. The sky is thick and heavy- no stars tonight, no treacherous moon. Nothing but me and the wind and the night.5

I walk. I don't know where I'm going, I don't know where I am. Tower blocks loom over me, their windows curtained and dark. A few squares of light watch  accusingly as I hurry past. I feel eyes on my back. I don't turn around but keep walking, my legs moving under me, carrying me away. I walk through puddles, not feeling the water leak through my shoes. I can't feel anything, I can't stop, I can't think, I can't...My legs stop walking, my legs bend, sway and collapse, they crumble like a derelict building under the wreckage ball...6

... I'm lying face down on a lawn, grass in front of my nose. Am I standing up? Has the world reversed? Must I now breathe dirt instead of air? I think I hear a voice singing. Or perhaps it's crying. Yes, I think it's crying.7