Just a Uniform.

Dream… a dream that fades so fasts, a dream that can’t see the light.1

Hope… is the fading choir in me, is what I use to be.2

Fall…. For all I have is gone and all I want has left me.3

A million miles of sand dunes and mud huts, a million miles of foreign soil and bloodied bodies, but it doesn’t really bother me… not anymore. 4

The sound of artillery roles thoroughly through my body, shaking every part of me, even the ones I was dead sure were covered up, but it always seems to get to me, every mortar every bombshell every single muzzle blast is replayed in my mind even when it’s all ceased and done with.5

The guys in my company always talk about the ‘brotherhood’, and truthfully, I can see it… I’m just not in it, though I guess its sort of my fault, I never really talked to any of the guys. The only reason I’m in the Army is because my Father was in Vietnam at Hamburger Hill and fought the NVA and the VC in the sixties and his Father fought in WWII in the 101st airborne, so now I’m in the Army… keeping up my families good name.6

In shorter terms… I was an Army Brat.7

Something hit me in the back; I turned quickly and aimed my gun at whatever it was that did that and in front of me was Private J. G Michaels; he looked at me with shocked, scared eyes and his hands up.8

“Hey, man, I was just getting your attention.” He said, still frightened.9

I lowered the gun. “Yeah…? What do you want then?” I asked and he dropped his hands nervously. 10

“We’re moving out, Sergeant says there’s Rag’s thirty miles outside of HQ.” he said and I turned around, just then noticing that everyone had gone.11

What ass holes, just leaving me there, its not like it was anything new that I dazed off sometimes, besides… I couldn’t help it; it’s just what I did to cool down. I shook my head and walked out behind Michaels.12

We were outside the LZ when I heard a loud whistling sound.13

This was a no aircraft zone, what the hell?14

My head spun around to look at the sky to the north, but I saw nothing, but I wasn’t giving up there, I whipped around and looked the south east and there it was.15

Two jets were flying towards us, but they were heading up. My heart dropped. They had already set target.16

“MICHAELS! GET THE HELL DOWN!” I screamed at him and we both hit the dirt hard, my hands covered my head in a vane attempt at sheltering myself, thankfully my helmet was on, so if it was not a direct hit that I wouldn’t get shrapnel in the head. It was barely three seconds before the air was rushed at us in great heated amounts. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the wind pick up Michaels and throw him several feet into the air then drop him, I thought I was safe till I heard a loud suctioning sound and when I looked through the gap in between my arms, I gasped as hot air rushed at me and I was lifted off the ground and thrown mercilessly onto the flat, rough, sand.17

I groaned in pain as I got up and looked around, but was knocked down hard onto my chest by the second hit. The impact rushed the air right out of my lungs, I clutched the ground helplessly, trying to breathe, and after a few seconds the oxygen rushed back into me.18

I stood and looked around. The town we were in just before was destroyed, there was fire everywhere and on everything, though I couldn’t hear any screaming, I pretended that the folk of the town were killed quickly and that is why they were not screaming… but I knew that it was because the lack of oxygen in the eye of the bomb gave them lung apparatus, making their lungs, either, explode or they were burned so bad that they just couldn’t scream, and now they were lying there in horrible pain. I tried to feel sad, but I couldn’t, I just couldn’t bring myself to the stage of mourning.19

I looked to my right and saw half a uniform covered in sand. I cursed and ran over to it, digging at it until I could pull Michaels out of the sand fill. When I grabbed his around his wrist I didn’t feel a pulse, but I ignored that he might be dead and kept digging.20

He was most of the way out, I could see his bloodied face and chest and all I needed to unbury were his left hip and down, when someone grabbed my shoulder, I swung around and pulled out a knife from my belt, ready to stab the intruder when I saw that he was in a U.S Uniform.21

The man stepped back and put out his hands. “Whoa there soldier, put the knife away, son.” He said and I obeyed, though I didn’t say sorry for my actions towards him like I was suppose to, but he didn’t seem to care, I don’t think he really noticed anyway. “Now… what happened?” he asked and I shrugged.22

“I don’t know, sir.” I explained lamely. “Private Michaels and I were heading out when we were attacked, we hit ground and now he’s buried in the friggin' sand.” I said, trying to hold my temper. I didn’t think this was a time for questions.23

The officer bent down and helped me dig Michaels out; when we had him out onto solid ground next to us, the rest of the company started showing up. Two of them started cussing off when they saw what had happened to Michaels. He was dead.24

***25

The entire Company went to Private J. G Michaels funeral, I hadn’t actually known him, but I was required to go, so I did. No one knew me, and when they asked my name they said that Michaels had mentions me in his letters, but I could tell on their faces that they were lying and just didn’t want to tell me that their loved one didn’t even know my name. I shrugged at the fact and moved on.26

***27

We were back in country for six months, or at least that is what they told us, some how they always kept us there longer then we were suppose to.28

The guy that replaced Michaels was a Private from Bronx named C. J. Perrish. He was a white guy with dark hair and kind looks about him. Personally, I liked the guy, but I didn’t make a habit of making friends. 29

He said that he had just got out of the ‘Puke Tube’, so I asked him why he was here and not in the airborne HQ, he said that he had never been in country and that they were sending him in Michaels stead because they didn’t have enough open recruits this year… that’s why.30

He seemed like a smart guy, very smart actually, he should have gone for Officer, but he said he didn’t like having lives on his hands, which I could understand. We talked for a while until I realized I was making friends and left, I could feel his confused frown staring at my back and when I laid down to snooze for the night I could hear him asking the Sergeant if he had said something wrong, Seargant just said that I had always been like this and that I liked having allies, but I just didn’t like sparking any sort of conversation with them, but not to think twice on rather to trust me or not, ‘cause no doubt I would be at your back when the time called for it. 31

That made me feel good, and just when I thought I was doing good enough.32

It was the second month in country and we were on watch outside of Punon Point when guerillas came out of know where and attacked, I shot wildly at them, not actually aiming. I didn’t feel scared; it just felt like another day at work.33

It didn’t feel like we were hitting any of them, they just kept coming and coming, none stop, I thought for a second, that maybe we really weren’t hitting them, I shrugged off the idea and kept firing and, no doubt, they did the same.34

I was sitting there when I heard “STRIKE GRENADE!” from my left, so I unpinned a grenade and launched it, once it hit it exploded, along with about sixty other grenades. I smiled at the site. I loved explosions. 35

“GREANADE!” I heard and ducked my head down, but I could still see. The grenade was thrown too soon by the enemy so Lieutenant Jenkins grabbed it and threw it back then we were firing again.36

It seemed like we had been firing forever after the firefight actually stopped, I looked down the line for hits, but thankfully saw no casualties. 37

“Spread field! Sergeant, take left!” the Lieutenant ordered as he slowly got up, half crouched and ran down the hill to where maybe eighty bodies were strewn. “Grenade! Get some grenades down here, I want these bastards in a million pieces!” he shouted along the line as he pulled the clip out of his own grenade and threw it down.38

I ran down and just as I did the rain fall of blood from the explosion showered me, instantly I felt dirty, I wanted to take a shower right then and there, but of course I couldn’t. 39

Everyone was throwing grenades down into the ditch with the bodies then turning away and ducking. When the explosions stopped we all turned back and waited several seconds. My stomach turned, but I had no idea why, it was quiet, I looked over at Private Perrish just as a bullet impacted with his right shoulder, he flew back and hit the ground, I shouted for everyone to get down, but I couldn’t hear my voice, I was looking around as two other guys went down before everyone hit dirt.40

I hit the ground and was swinging my sites around, looking for something to aim at, but there was nothing. I cursed to myself that there was nothing to shoot at. 41

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the two medics patching up the three casualties; they put a green flag on all of them, which was relieving, knowing they were all going to live.42

I laid there looking down my sites at a small dirt mound a hundred yards away when something moved on top of it, my eyes widened as I registered what it was. I looked to my right just as the seargant was standing up. “SNIPER!” I screamed at him, he looked my direction, but didn’t understand what I was saying. I began saying it again, but pushed the words aside as I jumped up, ran at him, and shoved him aside. I felt something bite at me hard in the ribs. I fell. I couldn’t breathe. I could barely hear someone yelling ‘take him out’, but that was it, everything else was incoherent and blurry.43

My hands grabbed at my throat, there was blood everywhere, it was flooding out of my mouth as I gasped for air, my chest heaved and my limbs twitched and jerked. I fumbled with my gear as I tried to remove it, but failed. 44

There were rough hands grabbing at me, tearing at my clothing and pressing at the entry wound, the guy looked freaked, he was pail and his eyes never stopped moving. The biggest thing was, was that he definitely didn’t look calm, that’s what scared me the most. I knew that trained medics only freaked when it was bad, I also knew that this particular medic was one of the greatest, he was a rock, and here he was freaking out at the sight of my wound. Now I knew it was bad.45

The medic looked at me and forced a half smile. “Your gonna be okay, man.” He patted my shoulder and I knew I was dead; it was just a matter of seconds.46

My body heaved and jerked, trying to keep itself alive. I couldn’t breathe, not even a little, my mind was fading, random colors appeared in places they shouldn’t, the medics' face was forming into a black mess of dying vision. Everyone was turned away from me, they didn’t look at me, they just stared off into the distance.47

I’m gonna die, but its okay, I’m not afraid of death. I died for a loyal cause. I died so others could live. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay. I’ll be fine.48

The thoughts ran through my head, and just before everything went black the last thought that would ever go through my head ran through my mind.49

I Don’t Want to Die.50

***51

The trumpets were called and sent Corporal Anthony Graven Bramer of Alpha Company, to his honorable grave, and his soul to the heaven of Soldiers. His unit put lass to their swords at his grave, but no one remembered his name. They spoke with his family and friends, but none of them could remember his name, he was unknown to them. He had killed with them and for them and in the end had died for them, and they had to be reminded his name.52

He was just another empty uniform. Just another folded flag, laced boots and picketed helmet.53