Blowing Freely

 
Blowing Freely

The wind gently stirred her frizzy, damp mane, or hair as other people called it. But Jazz believed that it was truly a disgusting brownish mane that crowned her heart shaped face. Not even a small red bow could tame it. It was a wild beast. Suddenly, she wrinkled her small nose before loudly sneezing from the cloudy dust that swelled the old pier. 1

After wiping her nose a couple of times, Jazz took a small sip of her warm Coke; the glass threw light waves onto her face and illuminated her large grey eyes. “Now if only I could capture this sunset and seal it in a bottle,” she lightly hummed under her breath. 2

As she hummed a little song she took out the small canister of bubbles she had brought along, bubbles, a sunset, sparkling water, and the sweet smell of summer could give anyone a warm feeling. While reaching for the little stick that protruded from the bottle she made a mental note to re-paint her nails. The dark maroon color was now chipped and worn out from the constant rubbing against the sand, the water, even her clothes.3

Taking a deep gulp of air she exhaled perfectly into the round hole that was the bubble blower and let loose a wonderfully round, majestic bubble that soared through the air. Until it popped. 4

Jazz gazed longingly at the bubble before it disappeared, leaving no imprint upon the world besides a small memory in a young woman’s mind. Maybe someday, she pondered, maybe I too will disappear without any recognizable mark on this world. But, that’ll be some time before that happens.5

Slowly standing up, she took one last longing glance to the sunset and the glittering ocean before departing. The warm sun on her tan back and a cool half full glass of warm Coke in her hand, this was summer.

Author notes

Sorry for doing this right before the deadline! Excuse my lateness!

To all the readers, this looks a lot better on my computer, just warning you!

DEDICATED: To my favorite SW writers of all time, I'll leave that in the dark for the moment being.

Edited:

~ 6/16
~ 6/18

Sort of next part, not really. I just wanted to write more with this scene and use these characters again. http://storywrite.com/story/178066

A contest entry

Give me your opinion! Are the characters good? Good plot?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 12 of 12
  • sunshinexreggae
    June 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    :)

    Hello ^^
    Your lateness is not a problem at all ^^ in fact I should be to the one to apologize ^^' . But here I am, finally deciding to judge this contest ^^
    Most of all, I wanted to tell you that this short piece of writing is VERY VERY beautiful. I've read it twice and I love it <3.
    It captures summer perfectly, I mean... I'm a big fan of summer, I absolutely love this time of year. I get the feeling that I live from summer to summer and the rest of my life is a useless blur which sometimes attempts to be exciting .
    I really love the fact that you have made the picture so clear. In a few paragraphs you have transported me to that place - and that's something worth mentioning because there's nothing worse than a story that doesn't give you a feeling of 'being there' . Therefore, well done on that point.
    I must say, my absolute favourite was the part about the bubble. It was so well crafted
    "Taking a deep gulp of air she exhaled perfectly into the round hole that was the bubble blower and let loose a wonderfully round, majestic bubble that soared through the air. Until it popped."
    See, I just love how you varied the lengths of the sentences. This whole text feels like a bubble, it's long and seems to wobble along slowly in the air. Until it pops. That ending is so sharp and perfect. <3
    I like her thoughts as well. And I like everything else to be honest .
    Your story makes me want to fly out of my house and end up on a beach, and just chill in the summer sun. Ah lol I can keep dreaming <3
    Good luck in the contest! <3
    And have a nice day.. and everything . Lots of love! <3


    • perfect paradox
      June 18, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you! Also, thanks for the honorable mention! I'm glad that you liked this piece!

      Good luck with your other contests and I really liked your contest!

      Cheers,

      VW


  • Hermanator1 silver member
    June 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    good setting of scene

    I tend to agree that it was a last minute thing although I always love the way you write. It just seemed rushed somehow as if there was more in your thoughts in your head but not enough time to tie them together. One example is the "warm" coke at the start and the "Cool" coke at the end. The thoughts just seemed to come and and then the page was turned, without refining it.

    Of course I worship at your feet so have no real criticism LOL!

    beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.

    • perfect paradox
      June 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Ah, thanks for pointing that out! I fixed the Coke error.

      The point of this contest was to portray a girl (in the picture in the link that the author sent me) and just describe her. Nothing more, no real plot. So I hope I did good here.

      Thankies!

      VW

      • Hermanator1 silver member
        June 16, 2008
        Edit | Reply

        Of course

        Not every piece has to have some deep dark meaaning. as always, your descriptive work is top shelf stuff and that was well done. since I read most of your works I have a sense of style and tend to see levels of quality when you are writing seriously as opposed to putting thoughts onto paper.
        Always a good read!


  • moved.by.u
    June 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    AWWWWW! lovely short story!! It's soo creative and makes me wanna sit by a pier, blow bubbles, drink warm coke, and think. (thinking... wow. i rarely do that.)
    It did capture summer (to me)
    the only little thing that bothered me is that you used the word hummed twice. I don't know why. You don't HAVE to change it or anything it sounds great the way it is. It's just that you could find another good word for hummed instead of using it twice.
    LOVE YOU!!!

    • perfect paradox
      June 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Be careful about the whole thinking thing, you might pull something!

      Ah, well I like the word hum so I might keep it. Thanks for telling me though!

      Love ya too!

      xoxoxo

      VW


  • karmaxandxcrayons
    June 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Lisaaa this is beautiful!! (yes i learned how to spell that from bruce almighty; shut up)

    Emotion is fabulous. You give the image that the world is perfect, but only for a moment, until the bubble pops. Sometimes it sure seems that way. Great job and keep writing!!

    <3

    Maureen!!

    • perfect paradox
      June 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Whoo-ho! Maureenie can spell! I'm so proud of you!

      Thankies and love ya!

      xoxoxoxo

      LISA (VW! Vroooom, I'm a car!)

      • karmaxandxcrayons
        June 16, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Well.... I suppose I shall reply to that in a message so... yeah. This is just cause I like to see my little turtle dude all over your stories. He makes them prettier.

        he wants to drive a car. do you have a spare?

  • sunshinexreggae
    June 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Hello ^^

    Hello .
    Thank you for entering my contest .
    It's closed for judging now, but if you find the time to write something before I judge then that's cool, and if you don't then don't worry...
    It's my first contest so I don't know whether you can still edit stories when it's closed for judging. Hopefully yes .
    OK , here's the URL

    http://blog.tenbit.pl/i/blog/upload/notes/b/bananowe_obrazki_xd/16258.jpg

    It might not work if you click on it. If it doesn't, try to copy and paste it into your address bar . If that still doesn't work, message me and I'll sort it out .
    So.. let your imagination fly, have fun and be creative ^^
    And don't force yourself to write if you don't feel like it, you don't have much time and writing is meant to be a pleasure .
    So it's fine if you don't enter anything lol
    Or you can write something really short ^^ ... all up to you .
    Good luck! ^^
    xoxo


    • perfect paradox
      June 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Ahh! D: Could you give me a couple hours? I should have it done before this day is up! Please?

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