College was her escape. It was her wonderous, beautiful escape. Sure it was another four years of school, but it was hours away from home. And that was all that really mattered. It was a new school that would provide her with a new beginning.1
Gone would be the days of putting on a happy facade. Gone would be the days of pretending everything was really okay. Because here, ten hours away from home, she wouldn't need to fake anything. With a fresh new start, she could be truly happy.2
Every day, back at home, she smiled and let everyone think she was okay. Kallie was just that kind of person. She wasn't a downer or a pessimist. No, Kallie loved life, but enough had been enough.3
Ever since her father had left a year before, her life had been in a perpetual downward spiral. They'd lost the house and had been forced to move into a very small apartment. One that was hardly suitable for a single mother and her four kids.4
The apartment, decorated in a dreary grey, held few good memories. It had only had two, small egg carton bedrooms. The confining walls had always made the apartment feel like a prison. A horrible, maximum security no escape prison. And in Kallie's life, there really was no escape.5
Keeping the family afloat had been her job. Her mother had never gone to college and was left penniless after her father's sudden departure. But Kallie had gotten a good job. She'd been paid just enough to afford the appartment's rent for her and her family.6
Putting all the money towards her family's well-being had forced her to grow up. And fast. Before her father left, Kallie had been carefree.7
With her long dark hair and luminous hazel eyes, she'd been happy. Back then, she'd actually had time to date. She'd had time, then, to enjoy her life.8
All that changed when he left. Kallie still loathed him for doing that to her. He'd forced her to give up life's simple pleasures and take responsablitiy for a family. But more than that, he'd left a whole in her heart.9
Her father had always been her support system; her number one fan. He'd always backed her one hundred percent and had always promised to be there for her. He'd lied. Oh how he'd lied.10
It was his fault that she'd had to give up the things she'd loved doing. It was his fault she'd been forced to support her family. And it was all because he'd gotten bored. Well, something like that. He hadn't exactly told her why.11
Kallie forced herself to push her angry thoughts to the back of her mind. Walking down to the beach near the campus, she stood and watched the sunset. Staring at the sun setting over the city, she vowed to herself to start over. Her father may have stolen her happiness once, but he wouldn't steal it again. At college, her life was hers and hers alone to live.12
As night fell over the sleepy city, Kallie walked back towards the campus. She was ready to begin her new life.
A contest entry
- P e o p l e by sunshinexreggae.
223 points, ended June 18, 2008, 14 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Hi there ^^
Hi
Hmm. There are a few simple errors here and there.. but I'll speak about them later ^^. Let's look at the good points first because they are by far more important ^^
The start was amazing. It started off really really well. I loved it. The first four paragraphs I think worked incredibly well and are a beautiful piece of writing. I also love it because at times, more frequently now, I feel this way too. Not because of family problems, Thank God, but I do feel like I fake a smile far too often now. It used to be so natural a few months ago...
Okay, enough said about me lol. I feel that the story rounded off very nicely. I'm not too sure about the middle. I am not saying it was bad, it was very good but I felt like the beginning and end were more powerful than the middle, and I felt a contrast. But that's okay.
Perhaps that happened because the middle part was slightly too long. The thing is, that I feel that the sentences in the middle weren't sharp enough, they didn't reflect enough anger.
Now, the little mistakes you have made are those:
it's a hole in her heart instead of whole
and... I'm not sure about this but I think it should be 'he lied' instead of 'he'd lied' . But English is my third language so I can be completely wrong on that point
But overall, I have to say - this was very good, quite an interesting plot and I enjoyed it ^^. So, well done! <3 You can give yourself a hug if you want, because I obviously cannot do this, but if I could I would lol.
Good luck in the contest! <3
xoxo
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:D helloooooo
Hey.. ^^ yes of course you can get a pic prompt ^^
It's just that the contest ends today, but oh well... let's be flexible ^^'
I was hoping to judge today but a lot of people joined recently and reserved a place sooo... I might judge another time, but please please try to get the thingy written as quickly as possible
<3 Of course, if you don't have the time to do so it doesn't really matter, it's all up to you afterall lol
Right... your pic ^^
http://blog.tenbit.pl/i/blog/upload/notes/l/love_xD/788.jpg
There have been some problems with the URLs before, but usually if you copy and paste it into your address bar it works. The URLs seem to have a mind of their own, and they sometimes refuse to work if you click on them lol
.
Anyway... if the URL doesn't work even when you copy + paste it, message me and I'll sort it out.
Thank you very much for entering my contest, hopefully you'll have the time to write something ^^
Remember, it's all about having fun, so don't force yourself if you're not feeling creative
xoxo
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