Tender Heart High ~ Mistress In The Making ~Chapter Seven - Sooner

Tender Heart High ~
Chapter Seven- Sooner

I sat in the backseat my head in my hands, seat belt unbuckled facing away from my mother. The ride had been awkward with her sidewards glances, the tears trickling down her stained, raw face. 1

I never once expected her to accept me with open arms, but I did not know that it crippled her that much. Not that I cared all to much I felt so liberated finally admitting it to someone it just sucked that, that person had to be my mother.2

One thing that had lingered and played on my mind was what Casey had said about Ellie being a school tramp. While it angered me that she could even be so disrespectful as to say that about one of her students I could not help but feel desolate in my feelings towards her.3

If it was so then was I the only one she was with right now? Hell were we even together to begin with? It had only been a few hours and although a lot had happened in those few hours did it mean that she even wanted to start something? Or had today just been another day in the life of a lesbian player?4

I knew that when I got home I would have a lot to deal with when my father found out. It was not that my father would disown me I knew he would not stoop that low, but I would not get out of that room without admitting that I was not a lesbian or that I would take their reputation into consideration which just was not going to happen.5

I had no regrets, none whatsoever about the days events. Although some things left a lot to be desired while others made me desire them more. I had to fight back the urge the whole car ride home to touch myself in the places that Ellie had so blindly pleasured all the while I still felt myself dripping to the point that I no longer felt any innocent. I felt dirty, filthy, so sexually, corrupted that all I could think about was having her face buried back inside me. Only this time she would be alert and this time we would be making love together.6

“I want you to go to your bedroom when we get home while I talk to your father,” my mother cut into my day dream as we pulled into our street. “I think we both know that he wont at all be pleased, so I suggest you take that time to think about what you are doing and were you are going.”7

Where I was going? Where else did I have to go? What other choice did I have besides the plan for life that they had obviously had in play long before I was even consumed? What ever happened to free thinking and being your own person? Or were they that lost in the old fashion generation to even take my feelings and wants into consideration?8

I nodded knowing very well that there was no point in trying to start a battle that was not even going to be properly fought. It was a waste of time even trying to justify myself to her, not that I should have to justify myself to anyone especially my homophobic mother.9

I waited for her to say something else. I could see it in her face that she was just dying to say something, to lecture me, to degrade me, to tell me that I was completely sick and wrong to feel the way I did. That being a lesbian was unnatural and I should be dating boys. That there were plenty of good looking, good hearted young men out there. 10

Instead she sat silent pulling into the driveway. The tears still running down her eyes as she lowered her head onto the steering wheel and sobbed, scraping her hands across the cruel, leather, exterior of the car seat.11

I saw this as a hint, my warning to leave before things got to much. I did not want to see her down at all It was not as if I hated her. I loved her like any child would, but the things that she wanted me to give her I could never. I did not want to be there when the shit hit the fan.12

I opened the car door slugging my school bag over my shoulder not wanting to turn around and offer my sympathy. Sooner or later she would have to deal with the fact that I was who I was and nothing could change that...Ever.