1639, that’s when he died, that’s when she lost her love.1
This is a story about a girl, not any girl either. A girl who fell in love as a mortal, and not to anyone, but to a vampire. Elizabeth Grey, well that’s what they USED to call her, and after that Sorceress of The Night, but that was when she was with him, and few now call her that. Now she goes by Demon of The Tormented, or that’s what they call her. She refers to herself as both, but rarely as Elizabeth Grey. That identity died with him, with Delano(means of the night in French.) Delano, High Priest of The Night as he was called by all others, but not by her. 2
He was the only one she ever loved, and it was he who turned her. See she was 16 and she fell in love with him, but there was a problem, he was a vampire and she a mortal human. But she never gave up, she knew that she was mortal, him immortal and so she would die, never to be with him. There was only one way for her to be with him, forever. She must become a vampire. She begged and begged him for the longest time for him to turn her, knowing that she had to be with him always. He refused time and time again, not wanting to give his curse to her, as he loved her. He told her to leave, to find someone else, someone hole, pure.3
But, she wanted him, and only him. She begged him to turn her so they could be together, forever. Finally after nearly a year, he gave in. And so on May 13, 1527 Elizabeth Ann Grey, then 17 years of age became immortal to be with her love forever, or so she thought.4
Delano was ashamed, though he loved her and she was happy with him and him with her, he never forgave himself for turning her. One night, on Oct. 31, 1639 he left the house. He needed to eat. (or in his case drink.) He left and that night was mysteriously killed, never to be found again, but never to be forgotten, at least not by one.5
Elizabeth wakes, and upon seeing her love gone, and nowhere to be found is torn apart. Her love for him was strong, and she cannot get over him. It has been hundreds of years, and yet she still loves him. She sometimes goes mad, rampaging trying to find her love, or the ones who killed him but she never will. She will never fully understand.6
He thought he cursed her, but now she is cursed to live forever without her one true love.7
for the story with pictures see8
http://www.quizilla.com/stories/7314418/a-lost-lovea-vampire-story-intro
In a list
A contest entry
- June New Member's Contest by SW Greeters.
175 points, ended July 3, 2008, 25 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - An Awesome Contest! by HopelesslyInLove.
170 points, ended June 20, 2008, 24 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Novels and Chaptered Works by tallblondie.
1050 points, ended September 19, 2008, 40 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Thank you for your entry in the contest 'Novels and Chaptered Works'. The following is the review for your novel 'A Love Lost':
[1] Grammar, spelling and punctuation:
There are a few grammar and punctuation errors in the chapter submitted - mostly in relation to punctuation leading into, and out of, dialogue. There are also some spelling errors that could easily be picked up if you ran the chapter through a word processing program such as OpenOffice or MSWord.
[2] Word usage:
The words/phrases used seemed to fit the piece, though I thought that there was potential to use less ordinary words or add words/phrases common to the time that Elizabeth is living in (to give it a 'period piece' atmosphere). I did like that you gave some extra 'descriptive emphasis' to things like the dress that your main character is made to wear.
[3] Style and continuity:
The chapter sumbitted seemed to be heavy on dialogue - most of it extraneous to the plot. It did give some insight into the character and her motivations. I found the choice of using the second person point of view interesting - most writers choose to use either first person or third person point of view.
[4] Story components:
The maion character - Elizabeth - seems to be fairly dynamic - and her reactions to being imprisoned were realistic. I found that she was a character I could relate to. The setting and scene in the chapter were also nicely establish through the use of descriptive language. Some of the interactions seemed to be have no real purpose but to show the extent of how the characters could interact - but I felt that it was a tad overdone. The chapter started with good flow, but I found the heavy dialogue slowed it down a lot rather than added to the pacing.
[5] Literary value:
The chapter submitted read well enough (except for those things mentioned above) and maintained my interest from beginning to end. The premise of this story is rather cliched, but I felt that your setting and treatment of the subject is sufficient to set it apart from other vampire genre stories.
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Sad. Almost feels like a Stephenie Meyers book, just set in a different era.
Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
Brooke
greeter -
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Ya
ya everyone has been saying that, like "o you must like the Twilight Series also, your story is so much like it" when in truth I had never even read it, or knew what it was about at all. The only thing I knew was my friends at school said it was good, nor more no less. I read it last night well at least the first one, and found that it is allot like her book. I was amazed at how, from never even knowing the story line of her books or anything, I created a story so similar to it.
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Sigh, even immortal love never turns out perfect. A touching tale. Would work well as part of a longer piece. It left me wanting to know more.
Best of luck in the contest. -
This is good,
but is seems sort of like synopsis to a novel, detailing what to expect in the story. I guess that the following parts go more deeply into the story. I like the storyline.
Thanks for entering the new member contest. Welcome to Storywrite.
Andy
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SOunds like it'll be an excellent story, but what she would have gone through would have been torture..pure and simple.
I hope to hear more of this one! great work!
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That sounds like the ultimate torture - finally obtaining immortality only to be forced to live forever without your true love. The only thing worse I can think of is being immortal and buried alive - now THAT would suck.
Anyways, this seems like a prologue to a longer work, and I hope you decide to continue it. There is a lot you can do with a story line like this. Best of luck with all of your writing, and welcome to Storywrite! 
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