Insane

So here my soul lays, stuck in this hell hole.The voices are driving me wild. The walls black, red writing scaring the walls from my last episode, bits of paper and old newspapers left to rot on the dust filled floor.1

Here I sit wasting away. Today is just another one, my anger tormenting my soul, yet my heart is only one step away from meltdown.Closing my eyes seemed like the best option.My stomach cramps were easing due to lack of nurtients, my body didnt want to eat or taste something desirable.2

Doctor rang today, checking up on my seldom lifestyle. 3

"Yes doctor, no doctor, three bags full doctor", and yes I did take my medication. If only he reaslised that no pills had even entered my dirt filled mouth.4

They keep calling me them voices. There like my little sister but only they don't exsist they remain in my messed up brain. Bringing myself to wash let alone look at my thoughtless retribution facing back at me, filled me with dread. My dingy flat a poor pathetic excuse of a lifestyle, screaming back at me to magically spring it back to life.Weeks worth of washing slung on the floor, if only my poor mother could see me now, RIP MUM!5

Sticking vladaldi on the stero seems to ease my lucid pain and pressure. Loving the way the notes on the strings glide up higher then lower. Closing my eyes, my mind clenches, thrusts into the oblivion like being catipulated from a rollercoaster.6

As the alarm clock sounds, I wake from the return of slumber, wiping the sleep from my eyes and drool from my mouth. Hadn't a clue as to what day it was nor had any reculection of the day before.7

The curtains still closed, not wanting the whole world gawping in at my goldfish bowl, I knew the sunlight would burst through so they remained lifeless, haning on the rail. Walking into the bathroom seeing my relection in the mirror, one word just filtered into my head, tramp. I wanted to change, but i didn't know how, nor did i know how to be normal again.8

My life was sweet once, my life was filled with smiles and happiness. My devoted wife and daughter. But once my dark insides started to rear it's ugly head they packed up and left. That was the time when i knew what living meant, i had a purpose in life and my beautiful daughter made me see that.9

Thinking back to that day she was born, I held her in my arms and as I held her an overwhelming sense of purity filled my soul.I felt completed, I was ready to be a perfect father and a loving husband.10