“Can I count on you?” asked Angela with her penetrating blues eyes staring deeply into his puppy dog brown eyes. 1
He feigned innocence as he replied, “You know you can.”2
“I know no such thing. You've been swearing to quit now for months. The longest you've made it was only a few days, maybe a week or so. I'm not sure you can quit.”3
“Angie babe, you just got to have a little faith.”4
“It's going to kill you, Tony, if you don't stop.”5
“I promise I quit. I won't have another drop.”6
“If you don't keep your word this time, I won't be able to go on.”7
“Angie, all you have to do is believe in me,” he said, brushing her blonde hair from her cheek, kissing her. “I won't let you down.”8
For a week Tony kept his word to Angela. He loved her as much as he loved anything. Passing one of his regular watering holes at the end of a week, he told himself that just one drink wouldn't hurt. He went inside and ordered a shot of whiskey. 9
“Haven't seen you for a while,” said the bartender. “You been visiting the competition?”10
“Nah, I told my girlfriend I'd quit.”11
“Well, are you going to tell her you blew it?”12
“No, I don't see that it would do any good,” said Tony. “Besides, I believe in living life to the fullest. Can't do that on soft drinks and tea.”13
“It may be wiser to live life cautiously, you wouldn't want to lose it.”14
“Use too much caution,” replied Tony. “And you have no life to lose.”15
“What do you do when she finds out?”16
“I guess she'll just have to take me as I am. Give me another shot.”17
Tony drank a couple more shots and got in his car and drove to a liquor store. If he was going to drink, he might as well do it well. He bought a pint of Kentucky Deluxe.18
He drove to the lake and drank the bottle of whiskey. He enjoyed the cool night air and the peacefulness of the water gently lapping against the shore. He finished the bottle and began the twenty minute drive home.19
Tony had no idea when he drove off the road and didn't feel it when he plowed into the tree. He became aware of a bright light and an angel appeared to him.20
He was surrounded by the bright white light, aware of only that and the angel who stood before him.21
“Am I dead?” asked Tony.22
“Could be,” she said. “Do you want to be dead?”23
“No,” he answered. “Not yet.” He was trembling with fear.24
“You promised you wouldn't drink. Your drinking has brought you to this point.”25
“Where am I?” he asked.26
“Limbo. Purgatory. You can go back and finish your life or you can go to eternal sleep. At this time, those are your choices.”27
“What about paradise?”28
“At this time, it is not an option for you, but if you go back, you might earn paradise. For you that would mean keeping your promise to Angela and keeping your promise to me.”29
“So, if I promise never to drink again, I can go back to my life and when I die find paradise.”30
The angel smiled at him and said, “That's the situation.”31
“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you,” said Tony falling on his knees. I promise I'll never touch another drop.”32
Tony awoke in the car, blood at his forehead, but he remembered the angel clearly. He managed to find a convenience store with a pay phone and called a cab to take him home. For the next several months his conviction not to drink was strong, but daily his remembrance of the angel waned. Soon he'd forgotten why he had quit alcohol.33
Quitting had never been hard for Tony, but staying quit was impossible. Angela was very pleased that Tony had quit, she even told herself that this time he would make it. Destiny would prove Angela wrong.34
Tony found himself drawn to his old haunt. He walked into the bar and planned to have just one. The memory of the angel was gone. He drank himself silly and had to take a cab home; the bartender insisted he not drive. That began a habit of daily drinking, drinking as much as he ever had.35
The angel was furious. She had given him another chance at life to turn things around and again he'd thrown it away for a moment's gratification.36
Angela broke up with Tony. “I can't watch you kill yourself,” she had said. Tony went back a few days later, drunk as a skunk. In his illogical inebriated state, he imagined erroneously that he could reason with her.37
“But honey dear, I need you,” he begged. 38
“You don't need anything but liquor.”39
“I need you more than you know.”40
“If you needed me,” argued Angela. “You would have never started drinking again.”41
“But I can't make it without you.”42
“You'll have to.”43
Tony went to his car. 44
“You're too drunk to drive,” said Angela.45
“Oh, leave me alone, you bitch,” said Tony becoming unreasonably angry.46
“Come inside, you can sleep it off here.”47
“Get out of my way!” he shouted at her.48
“I'm not going to let you drive,” she said, moving in front of his car.49
Intending to put the car in neutral, he accidentally put it in drive. Revving the accelerator the car lurched forward crushing Angela underneath. She screamed as the life was squeezed out of her.50
Tony stumbled out of the car and hovered over Angela's broken, lifeless body. He was too drunk to do more than stand next to her and cry futilely, helplessly. 51
A motorist came upon the scene and called 911. When the police arrived they arrested Tony. Tony passed out in the drunk tank at the county jail. He fell into a deep sleep and the angel appeared.52
“You betrayed Angela, me, and yourself for the pleasure of alcohol. Now you've lost everything.”53
“Please forgive me,” he repeated over and over again.54
The angel disappeared.
Author notes
Shades of red or blue.
Ratslap
Romance, Prewrite option 9
Leniency, Haven't read before, 5
Andrew and Logan are my middle names.
In a list
A contest entry
- Prompts for Sale! by checkmate-.
600 points, ended July 22, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Options! by Merry Christmas.
330 points, ended July 25, 2008, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Beautiful Angel by TheDecree.
350 points, ended April 1, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - xxxSummer Bonanzaxxx(points will go up) by Cupcake14.
130 points, ended April 13, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Sadness by Aqua-Chan.
150 points, ended July 13, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - White Trash ! ! by oOSnoballsOo.
140 points, ended August 27, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - 2 DAY CONTEST!!!!! by volleym.
175 points, ended August 15, 31 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - ANGELS, WITCHES, DEVILS, WARLOCKS AND GENIES by Violette.
225 points, ended August 18, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Make me cry by ELFgirl12.
100 points, ended September 4, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Keep On Going by stefza.
100 points, ended September 19, 26 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Your Best. by Shadow Pixie.
350 points, ended September 27, 23 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Breaking Up by Sgs.
350 points, ended October 5, 27 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Sweet and Romantic by writeheart.
130 points, ended November 8, 19 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 53 of 53
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Awesome story, Andy.
Congratulations on being the winner! I apologize for not commenting on this story before. I think that this was such a bitter story, but portrays a beautiful image. I think you did an excellent job. Thanks for joining!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Hi Writeheart!
Thanks again for the gold. I hope you enjoyed your contest and I'm very pleased that you like this story. Thanks for all the applause, too.
Andy
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this is really sad. XD
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Nicely Done
Great cautionary tale and you have the trophies to prove it. Like the Angela/angel bookends and how even heaven, here on earth and later, isn't enough to arrest the addiction.
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Wow I like it. A natural story about DRINKING. I don't want to sound rude Andy but where is the EMO part??
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Hmm?
It may be that I don't know what you mean by emo. I took that to be emotion and this is an emotional story.
Andy
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Um Emo as in cutting yourself, to kill the other pain you feel. Like dark clothes, blood, pain and stuff like that.
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I loved it. It was absolutely amazing, with no spelling or grammar mistakes - great work! Thanks for entering, good luck!
~ Li-Li
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Hi Pixie!
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I'm very pleased you like this story.
I hope you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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...Wow...
Another amazing peice from Andy! -
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Hi Stefza!
I'm very pleased you like this story. Thanks for hosting, reading, and commenting.
Andy
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AN OKAY HOOK
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Hello BI!
I thank you for hosting this contest. I hope my stories fare well. I also hope that you'll choose to read them at some point.
Andy
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Awwwww....that made me cry.
Oh my god. That was so sad. I definitely cried in that one
. That was very well written, and deserves three applause. Yours is the best I've read so far, and it might stay that way. Good luck.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Hi Rae!
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I appreciate it. I'm very pleased you like this story so much.
I hope you have a great contest.
Andy
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great story! It reminded me of my mom, she used to get so drunk she couldn't even stand straight. Though unlike your character she found it in her to quit but not every one can and this is a good lesson for people. Good Luck and thanks for entering! ^^
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Hi there!
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I'm extremely pleased that you like this story.
My mother drank, too. She'd come home from work and drink herself to sleep. Get up and do it again. She finally quit, too.
I currently have a renter who drinks a lot. He's sometimes annoying, but he pays the rent.
I hope this fares well in your contest.
Andy
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Make Me Cry (Contest Comment)
Notes:
"The most you have made it, was..." -- take out the comma
he said brushing her blonde hair from her cheek, kissing her. -- he said, brushing her blond hair from her cheek and kissing her.
but staying quit was -- awkward phrasing. Try to reword it.
He drank himself silly and had to take a cab home, the bartender insisted he not drive. -- the comma should be a semicolon.
“You don't need anything, but liquor.” -- no need for the comma.
It was a very good read, incredibly relevant in today's society; many people can relate to the subject, as shown by the other comments. Good job, and good luck in my contest!
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Hi there!
Thanks for proofing this as you read. You found a couple of things I'd missed
. I especially appreciate you taking time to point it out.
Either blonde or blond are fine, both words have exactly the same meaning. I've always preferred blonde, mainly because I feel it looks classier.
I'm very pleased that you like this story. Thanks for hosting.
Andy
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I am going to add this to the finalists because of the amazing dialogue that i can simply not ignore but i would really work on your descriptions. That and speech are designed to be on an equal footing.
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Hi Violette!
I'm very pleased that you like this story and that it's making it to the finalists.
Fleshing out is not my strength, but I'm working to improve. Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and applauding.
Andy
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I loved this story so much, it was amazing. This is one of my favorites. Awesome job. I loved it. Good luck in the competition, you'll do great!
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Hi Volleym!
I'm very pleased that you love this story. It seems that of the stories I entered, you like this one the best.
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting.
Andy
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I enjoyed this story very much. I grew up in a family of alcoholics so this story def hit home. Entertaining read.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Hi Snoballs!
I'm very happy you like this story.
My mother drank heavily for years, but she quit finally. Most the time she was no problem to others, but she'd drink herself to sleep.
Andy
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Really good I like how you described it all. How the guy got a second chance and he blew it that happens way too often nowadays instant gratification overwaying what should be done I'll admit that even I have been guilty of it Great job
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Hi!
I'm really pleased that you like this story. Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and applauding. I appreciate it.
Some habits are hard to break. I've never been much of a drinker myself, but I have smoked and I over-eat. Currently, I'm not smoking.
I hope you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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Very good. I really like this story. Very sad, suspenseful, and everything I asked for. Thank you for reading the rules, as well.
Good luck in my contest. :3 -
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Howdy!
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I'm very happy that you like my story.
I hope you had a good contest and much fun.
Andy
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Okay what I really think is... this is corny. A very bad write. At some spots was too much detailed. And at others not enough. It was too dramatic. A good writer tries to make the reader feel the truth of whats going on in the story. There is always truth even in the most fiction of fairytales. This was aweful and I could hardly bare to read it. You really need to work on being more emotional and connected with the reader.
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Well,
I'm glad you like this story so much
. Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting, anyway.
May you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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Perfect!
Exactly what I wanted! I'm so glad you entered my contest!
Your writing is very different from what I heard. You have a unique voice and I'd like to read some more of your stuff. I enjoyed this story very much. Others should look at this as an example for what I want! Need I say more--you're a finalist! -
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Wait but where's the Ratslap in ur author's notes? I want ur story SOO BAD!
plz put it in ur AN right now! u have three days!
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this is so sad! it just shows that promises are always meant to be kept. nice job and good luck in my contest!
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Hi there!
I'm very glad you like this story. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Andy
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That was slightly gross...
It was romantic, but I don't find it too horrifying. It was gross, and I could find the prompt to go with it... It was good, though. Yes, very good. -
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Hi!
It was supposed to be 'death and betrayal'. I meant to put that in the author's notes. Oops! I'm glad you like this story. I guess it wasn't too horrifying.
Thanks for hosting. I hope you had fun with your contest.
Andy
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Awww.
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Hi Easily!
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and applauding. I appreciate it. I hope you like this story.
May you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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You're Andy Stephenson...forgive me if I'm mistaken, he uses this kind of background+picture thing.
Anyways, not knowing who you are, I don't know how to compare it to your previous works, if you have any. It was good, but didn't touch a really soft cord with me when it came to Tony, it's not exactly rememberworthy, if you want me to be honest. But yes, Angela's death was this little shock. It reminds me of this story called The Broken Promise(weird i know) I'd written, but it was about politicians, and completely different.
Thank you for entering, you might win!
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Hi!
Yep, I'm Andy Stephenson and this is rather my trademark background.
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I appreciate it.
So this story isn't doing a whole lot for you. Hmm? Oh well, it's what I had on hand that best fit your contest. I haven't time these days to write new ones. Hopefully I'll get caught up with things soon.
It would be nice to win.
May you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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This is very good. He was unable to give up drinking and the one he loved dearly had to pay for it in a freakish accident. I enjoyed reading this. I bet he wish he could take it all back. (:
Lovely write (:
Good luck in the contest! -
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Hi!
I hope you like this story.
I have a friend who keeps saying that he'll quit. He quits for a day or so and then starts again.
My mother drank wine heavily for about ten or fifteen years, then she quit cold turkey. She pretty much didn't drink again after that.
When I was just out of high school and also while I was in the service, I drank a few times to get drunk. Since then, I very rarely drink.
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting.
Andy
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Oh man! thats pretty hardcore! I liked it, but i thought it was a little thrown together, but really good. good job!
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Hi!
I'm glad that you like this story. I tried to give you something interesting.
I should probably read over it and see if I can smooth it out some.
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading an commenting. I appreciate it. May you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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Great!
Your story definitely had a twist, I enjoyed reading it!
The dialogue was very realistic and interesting, so was the concept. I can't believe Tony would get back into his old habits, potentially ruining his entire life--especially his relationship with his worried girlfriend, Angela.
He had it coming, but it is terribly tragic that Angela had to suffer for his stupid actions and mistakes.
What a tragedy in itself!
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Great story! The spelling is great and it is very well written! Good luck!
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Thank you, Greg
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I'm glad you like this story.
May you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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This is excellent, I cannot criticize your deliverance, your grammer or spelling, or the story itself.
I liked the story and when reading I got the vibe of 'fairy-tale gone wrong' Which worked in this case, I have seen quite a few people try to do something similar and fail dismally.
I must remind you please to put into your author notes what is required by the rules. -
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Oops!
All fixed, shoe size and option are in the author's notes now. I forgot about the requirements while I was hunting a story that hadn't been entered in a lot of contest.
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it.
Andy
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Wow, this was really, really good. I love how you interpreted the prompt - I never would've thought of it that way. I felt so sad when Angela died - especially because it was a mistake. Good luck and keep writing!
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Thanks
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I'm pleased you like this story. The prompt you gave me was a tough one. I thought about it for a few days before I tried to write anything.
I hope you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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Hmm, this is hard. I don't write much horror but I'll give it a go:
Must include: a betrayed angel, a man, and a car
Must answer this question:
Life: live to the fullest; or tread cautiously, you don't want to lose it
Thanks for entering! Good luck!
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