~My name is Chigiri Risu. My friend, Suki, and I have just found out a terrible truth, and it's ripping both of our lives apart....~1
2
"Suki!" I ran through the town, my heart punding with the sound of rain hitting an empty, upturned barrel, "Suki! NO!" I got closer to the great konoha gate, and managed to catch a glimpse of my best friend through the crowd. I tripped and stumbled, finding it hard to run on the uneven terrain. I finally reached the gate, but...She was gone. There wasn't a sight of her anywhere.3
"Suki!!" I clenched my fists and yelled as loud as i could, "Don't do this to me!" Then I started to run after her again. ~ I remember,~ I thought as i ran, ~That day...~4
5
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flash Back~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~6
7
"Chigiri-kun!" Suki ran up to her best friend and sat down next to him, "Chigiri-kun! I just found out something amazing! There's a man who can help up get our parents back! he said he really, truly could!"8
"Suki-chan," Chigiri sighed, "Our parents and the rest of our clan were killed my the Nine-Tailed Fox. How could any person bring them back? Who is this man?"9
"His name is Orochimaru!" Suki chirped happilly, "And I think he's telling the truth! He even said that he could give us power, too!" A shiver rippled down Chigiri's spine as he thought of his freind's words,10
"No." he said, "Orochimaru is a demon. Jiraiya-sensei told me! I beleive him!" Suki stuck out her bottom lip and made an angry-pouty face,11
"You beleive that lecherous sensei too much," She hissed, "Don't you want your parents back?"12
"Of course I do!" Chigiri snapped, "I just beleive my sensei...why would he lie to me?"13
"Either way..." Suki said, standing up, "I'm going to him." Then, as she left, the leaves slowly began to fall off the trees, and it started to rain.14
15
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~16
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"No!" I could feel the pain in my sides grow as i continued to run non-stop, "S-Suki..." coughs came, but still I pushed myself harder. finally, the forest broke, and it opened up to a huge valley with a large waterfall. There were two statues, one of the First Hokage, and one of the Second Hokage. And standing on top of one of them, staring down at me, was Suki.18
"Chigiri-kun..." She looked at me, and I thought I saw a tear slide down her cheek, but she wiped it away. "Come with me. Together we can go to Orochimaru...and get our families back." Tears streamed from my eyes with as much force as the falls themselves.19
"Suki...please listen to me. Our families are dead...they can Never come back!" Suki stared at me, sheer terror forming in her eyes. I jumped up to the statue where she was, and tried to comfort her. Her body shook and her eyes began to fill with hate,20
"No!" She yelled, pushing me away from her, "I...I beleive that they can!" I stood my ground and clenched my fists,21
"Suki...all that will happen if you listen to Orochimaru, is that you will lose everyone who loves and cares for you now...do you want that to happen?" I tried to comfort her again, but she yelled,22
"Stay away from me!" And she pushed me. I felt the ground give way beneath my feet, and soon i felt air rushing past me on all sides. she'd pushed my off the top of the statue. i looked up at where I'd fallen from, and saw Suki, leaning over the edge, her arms out-streched as she yelled my name. her tears fell fast, and one landed on my cheek before I landed hard on the ground below.23
24
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~25
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Suki leaped down and knelt beside chigiri. Grief crashed down on her as she stared at the broken body, and she started to cry.27
"Chigiri-kun...I...I'm so sorry..." she coughed, choking back tears, "I should've listened to you....i should've beleived you....we were friends...and friends are supposed to trust friends..."28
29
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A year Later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~30
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Suki stood in front of her friends grave, his name lightly etched on the surface. She went down on her knees and placed a bouqet of flowers in fron to it. 32
"Chigiri-kun..." She sighed, "It's been a whole year without you..." She bit her finger as the tears started to roll down her cheeks, "I miss you. we were...best friends...remember...?" And as she continued to sit there, and talk to her friend, the leaves slowly began to fall off of the trees...and it started to rain.
2
"Suki!" I ran through the town, my heart punding with the sound of rain hitting an empty, upturned barrel, "Suki! NO!" I got closer to the great konoha gate, and managed to catch a glimpse of my best friend through the crowd. I tripped and stumbled, finding it hard to run on the uneven terrain. I finally reached the gate, but...She was gone. There wasn't a sight of her anywhere.3
"Suki!!" I clenched my fists and yelled as loud as i could, "Don't do this to me!" Then I started to run after her again. ~ I remember,~ I thought as i ran, ~That day...~4
5
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flash Back~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~6
7
"Chigiri-kun!" Suki ran up to her best friend and sat down next to him, "Chigiri-kun! I just found out something amazing! There's a man who can help up get our parents back! he said he really, truly could!"8
"Suki-chan," Chigiri sighed, "Our parents and the rest of our clan were killed my the Nine-Tailed Fox. How could any person bring them back? Who is this man?"9
"His name is Orochimaru!" Suki chirped happilly, "And I think he's telling the truth! He even said that he could give us power, too!" A shiver rippled down Chigiri's spine as he thought of his freind's words,10
"No." he said, "Orochimaru is a demon. Jiraiya-sensei told me! I beleive him!" Suki stuck out her bottom lip and made an angry-pouty face,11
"You beleive that lecherous sensei too much," She hissed, "Don't you want your parents back?"12
"Of course I do!" Chigiri snapped, "I just beleive my sensei...why would he lie to me?"13
"Either way..." Suki said, standing up, "I'm going to him." Then, as she left, the leaves slowly began to fall off the trees, and it started to rain.14
15
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~16
17
"No!" I could feel the pain in my sides grow as i continued to run non-stop, "S-Suki..." coughs came, but still I pushed myself harder. finally, the forest broke, and it opened up to a huge valley with a large waterfall. There were two statues, one of the First Hokage, and one of the Second Hokage. And standing on top of one of them, staring down at me, was Suki.18
"Chigiri-kun..." She looked at me, and I thought I saw a tear slide down her cheek, but she wiped it away. "Come with me. Together we can go to Orochimaru...and get our families back." Tears streamed from my eyes with as much force as the falls themselves.19
"Suki...please listen to me. Our families are dead...they can Never come back!" Suki stared at me, sheer terror forming in her eyes. I jumped up to the statue where she was, and tried to comfort her. Her body shook and her eyes began to fill with hate,20
"No!" She yelled, pushing me away from her, "I...I beleive that they can!" I stood my ground and clenched my fists,21
"Suki...all that will happen if you listen to Orochimaru, is that you will lose everyone who loves and cares for you now...do you want that to happen?" I tried to comfort her again, but she yelled,22
"Stay away from me!" And she pushed me. I felt the ground give way beneath my feet, and soon i felt air rushing past me on all sides. she'd pushed my off the top of the statue. i looked up at where I'd fallen from, and saw Suki, leaning over the edge, her arms out-streched as she yelled my name. her tears fell fast, and one landed on my cheek before I landed hard on the ground below.23
24
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~25
26
Suki leaped down and knelt beside chigiri. Grief crashed down on her as she stared at the broken body, and she started to cry.27
"Chigiri-kun...I...I'm so sorry..." she coughed, choking back tears, "I should've listened to you....i should've beleived you....we were friends...and friends are supposed to trust friends..."28
29
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A year Later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~30
31
Suki stood in front of her friends grave, his name lightly etched on the surface. She went down on her knees and placed a bouqet of flowers in fron to it. 32
"Chigiri-kun..." She sighed, "It's been a whole year without you..." She bit her finger as the tears started to roll down her cheeks, "I miss you. we were...best friends...remember...?" And as she continued to sit there, and talk to her friend, the leaves slowly began to fall off of the trees...and it started to rain.
Author notes
My favorite type of ice cream is cookies and cream...but i also like chocolate...and rainbow sherbert...I can't choose!!
A contest entry
- One Line Prompts! What can you come up with?? by Oddems..
350 points, ended June 23, 2008, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - hero. by whatami.
300 points, ended June 30, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Naruto OC contest! by KalineReine.
150 points, ended September 1, 2008, 8 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Inspire Me by Zerstort.
100 points, ended August 15, 2008, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
In honor of anyone who has ever lost a very special friend.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Despite us being friends and your expected "Shut up" or "You're annoying" reply, I am commenting for this as an entry of my contest, thus I must comment like every other comment I make.
Not half bad. But, with my experience and knowledge of Naruto Sues and such situations, there is a little bit I should point out. The two characters knowing the Sanin is what bothered me the most, because they have been unseen for years and are revered as the strongest ninja in the Naruto world, at least until part of Shippuden. I'm perfectly fine with the killing scene, for in the world of ninjas that's too be expected. Only the Sanin thing bothered me, plot wise. As for grammar and the like, I saw quite a few spelling mistakes, and ~ is a rather unusual method to denote thoughts. Overall, nice work, but there are still things that could be fixed. -
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Just so you know, for some unknown reason, i can't use the spell check feature. It doesn't work.
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This is pretty good, I like it! So much emotion behind it. Of course I can tell you were inspired by the scene between Sasuke and Naruto. But you did a great job with this, keep writing!
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Sad... very sad. Good work - it was short, but sweet - you did a good job.
You'd win if I didn't have to close the centest (sorry - I needed two more entries - I'm really disappointed with the turnout) so I apologize again. But don't take it as an insult to your story. It really is good - it's the lack of entries that only stopped you from winning. Good luck with other contests
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Great story! I'ma say this is...a romance gone sad? Not really romance, nor sad, but it was touching. I really expected her to leave him behind to die. Anywhoo, great job and good luck.
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Oh thanks! Sorry, was a bit out of it the other day.
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I liked it. ^^ Poor Chiguri...poor Suki. T.T You did a good job of showing their emotions here. Keep writing! =)
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I liked it a lot, it was very gripping and emotional. You kept my focus through the whole thing. But a couple of problems, one- which prompt did you use? And two- you didn't read the rules, or if you did, you forgot to add something in your author notes.


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Um, i used the promt:
'Greif crashed down on her as she stared at the broken body'
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