Drop Dead Ugly

Human outer beauty is never last, but inner beauty is lasting forever.  There is a beauty for each own kind.  Things may look pretty to one person, but they may not look pretty to another.  Everyone has his/her define of beauty.  Tita is a gorgeous young girl.  She has dark hair and brown eyes with two dimples on her face.  Her hair is gentle like feather lands into the ground.  Her eyes are big and her lips look like a heart shape.  She is wealthy.  Guys are all over her, not only her image, but they are after her for her wealth.  Tita can pick any guys that she wants.  She has a handsome boyfriend, John.  She also has a long time friend, named Tim. 
    Tim is shy.  He is an average looking guy.  He has dark hair and brown eyes.  He has a nice personality.  He has a crush on Tita, but she doesn’t know about his crush.  Tim doesn’t feel he deserves Tita because she is way too good for him.  She is attractive and popular.  Tim and Tita are friends when they are young.  They go to school together and they are both in the same class.  Tita often saves Tim from being bully from big boys.  Although Tita’s family is rich, her parents always welcome Tim to their house and play around with Tita. 
    As Tita grows up and has a boyfriend, the relationship between Tita and Tim becomes sour.  Tita moves further away from Tim.  They don’t see each other very much.  They only talk on phone and write email once in a while.  Tita has her own life and so does Tim.  They live apart from each other and they have their own lives. 
    Then, there is some tragedy happening.  Tita’s house starts on fire while she is sleeping.  The fire starts out of nowhere.  She makes out alive, but her face and her body are burned so badly.  John sees Tita’s face become so ugly and scary.  He doesn’t even comfort her, but he leaves her for his own good.  Tita’s face looks so ugly that people thought they see a ghost when they see her.  Tita is drop dead ugly.  Some people feel sympathy for Tita while others are scare to look at her face.  Tita is crying.  She tries to cope with what has happening, but she can barely look up at her face and her body.  Tita doesn’t want to live.  She wants to die, but her parents try to comfort her.  Her good friends visit Tita and make her feel ease. 
    Tim doesn’t know what happen to Tita.  Tim hasn’t got a call or email from Tita.  After a while, Tim calls Tita and finds out from Tita’s parents that Tita has been into tragic event.  Tim immediately flies over to see Tita.  Even though Tita’s look becomes ugly, but her personality has not change.  She has a wonderful personality.  She is cool to talk to and she always tries to smile.  Tim has not changes either.  He still likes Tita as he uses to be.  Tim comforts Tita.  Tita feels better, but it takes time for Tita to heal her inner self.  Tim doesn’t want to confess Tita that he likes her.  He will soon to tell her that.  Tita cries over Tim’s shoulder, “I can’t live like this, with my face and my body burn.  You don’t understand.”
    Tim holds Tita gently and replies, “I don’t understand, but I would like you to live.  There are so many people will be very sad to live without you, your parents, your friends, and I.” 
    “I know.  How can I face the world with this look on my face?”
    “I know it is hard.  Forget about what the world think of us.  We should think of ourselves less instead of thinking less of ourselves.  No matter what happen to you, Tita.  You are still beautiful to me.”
    “Thanks Tim.  You always make me feel better.”
    “I am glad that is at least what I can do.  You know that I start to like you since we are young and until now.”
    “Really?  Why don’t you tell me?”
    “I afraid you don’t like me.  You are too beautiful for me.” 
    Tita smiles, “Am I still beautiful?”
    Tim looks into Tita eyes, filling with tear and smiling.  “Yea, you are.  You are always beautiful to me.” 
    Tim feels so happy and relieve after he confesses to Tita that he likes her for a long time.  Tita is also glad to know that Tim tells her that.  Even though Tita doesn’t look like what she is before, but she feels happy.  She feels happy when Tim is present.  She cannot change what has happened, but she can decide to live happily for today because she may not know what will happen for tomorrow.  Outer beauty does bring attraction.  However, what inside the beauty that makes attraction work.  Outer beauty is never last, but inner beauty is lasting forever.        

Author notes

I know I have problems with grammar and wording. Please let me know if you spot them. Thanks.

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Comments


  • crosscountry07 gold member
    June 20, 2008

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    I would have to agree with what is being said about the grammar. Do you have microsoft word? Lol, I know people that use it as a lifeline to correct all their spelling and grammar mistakes. Also, it seems like this story is more of a telling rather than showing, sort of like a summary of the story rather than the real thing. I'd love to see more dialouge and action. However, the concept and the start are great. Just a little tweaking and you'll have a gold piece here. Great job! Keep writing! -Liz

  • Gullible
    June 18, 2008

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    Aww, that story is amazing! Granted there were a lot of mistakes, mostly with verb tenses, but I loved the theme. The point of it is so true. It really makes you think. At one point, I actually stopped and said, "Wow, that is amazing." It was when you said, "We should think of ourselves less instead of thinking less of ourselves." That is an incredible quote! This is a story you could really go somewhere with. Go through and edit it and you could really make it good. I would give a list of errors, but it looks like one of the other people who commented did that. Keep it up!!


  • Oddems.
    June 16, 2008

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    Ok, the story was a bit iffy for me. However I think the plot was a good one, you just need a bit more editing, you could say. As for grammar, well there were a lot of mistakes. I'll show you:

    Her hair is gentle, like feathers (falling) onto the ground.

    Tita can pick any (guy) that she wants.

    Tim and Tita (were) friends when they (were) young.

    Tita often saves Tim from being (bullied) by bigger boys.

    Tita (moved) farther away from Tim.

    Then, (a) tragedy (happens).

    Tim doesn't know what (happened) to Tita.

    Even though Tita's looks (are) now ugly, her personality has not (changed).

    "I can't live like this, with my face and body (burnt)."

    "(Did) you know that I (have) (liked) you since we (were) young?"

    Outer beauty never (lasts), but inner beauty (lasts) forever.

    ...That's to help with grammar. Other than that, you should consider seperating some paragraphs and turning them into new paragraphs. it has a good plot, so keep working on it!


  • roxplkadtsox
    June 12, 2008

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    cool

    yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!hihihihihihihihiihiiihiiihihihihihihi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.