Every Rose Has Its Thorns

Maria bent down arthritically as she tended the roses that grew along the northern wall. Though she had entered her autumnal years, she still found the energy to take care of her award-winning blooms. From a bucket at her feet, she spread pungent organic material at the base of her plants, its texture gritty even against her gloves. 1

She had just finished scattering the last of the fertilizer as her close friend’s husband strolled past on his morning constitutional. He tipped his hat politely. “Pleasant day to you Maria,” he said with a smile.2

Maria straightened painfully. “And to you too, Winton… Have you heard from Elizabeth yet?”3

Winton paused mid-step and removed his hat from his balding head. “No – I am sure she is quite occupied with organizing her daughter’s wedding… and you know how forgetful she has been getting these days,” he reflected as he wrung his tartan trilby nervously.4

Maria smiled knowingly, her grey eyes twinkling, as she recalled the very last day she spent with her friend. “I did have to stop her from adding more sugar to her tea the other week – poor thing had no idea she’d already dropped in the two lumps she normally took.” 5

Winton appeared to ruminate for a moment on his wife’s impending dementia, staring off at an indeterminate point before he fixed his gaze, once again, on Maria. “You look lovely as always, Maria.”6

Maria almost smirked, but instead narrowed her eyes, the crow's feet at the corners crinkling. “Hush now, Winton James – you best be not saying those sort of things – I thought we had agreed to speak of this no more?”7

Winton sighed, that precarious predicament his own making. “I can’t leave her – not now – not with her… condition.”8

“She still has her moments of clarity – in my opinion she’s only going somewhat doddery,” Maria sardonically replied, as she remembered the many times where these 'moments' focused on other people's business. “She seems to be of the opinion that her roses could win my title this year.”9

“You two and your bloody roses,” Winton snorted mockingly. His wife and Maria had enthusiastically competed for nearly fifty years; both belonged to their district’s Rose Society.10

Maria shuffled forward and leaned her tiny frame against the stone-and-mortar fence. She lowered her voice so that Winton was obliged to draw closer to hear her - or in the very least turn up his hearing aide. “I have finally managed to successfully propagate a new variety.” She reached over the wall and placed a papery hand on his linen-sleeved forearm. “Do you want to see?”11

Winton considered her offer, and then placed a leathery hand on top of her own. “Perhaps another time, Meine Liebe,” he tenderly whispered.
12


Maria savoured the sensation of their connected skin, before regretfully removing her hand from beneath his. “You speak as if you regret your decision Winton.”13

He smoothed the tartan felt on the brim of his hat, fingers trembling slightly. “Tomorrow – I’ll inspect the rose tomorrow,” he replied, blatantly ignoring Maria’s last statement, before placing the trilby on his head again. “I need to be going home – just in case Eliza calls.”14

Maria watched, as he turned on his heels and left in the direction from whence he had arrived, reflecting back to a day nearly three weeks previously, when Elizabeth had stopped by for a customary cup of tea before she left town for her daughter’s place.
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“…and make sure you check on my roses, Maria – I love Winton dearly, but that man has no idea how to take care of my Show roses,” Elizabeth had twittered as she took another sip of her strong Earl Grey tea.15

Maria had affected a pleasant, understanding smile.16

Elizabeth had sneezed. “Oh! Excuse me... privet. Honestly, you’d think Maude would have that pestilential plant sprayed every year before spring…”17

“She’s got gout, Eliza,” Maria had interjected before Elizabeth could launch into one of her infamous tirades about Maria’s next-door neighbour. Her friend was quite accomplished in two fields – roses and complaining. Not to mention that ever since the old spinster had married the town’s most eligible, and somewhat younger retiree, her nitpicking had worsened.18

Elizabeth had sniffed derisively. “Doesn’t matter – one should always attend to one's duties. This whole neighbourhood would go to shambles if we all stopped doing what was required. If she can’t keep up, she should sell up and…”19

“Eliza!” Maria had impatiently snapped, making it plain that she didn’t want Elizabeth to continue her disparaging remarks. 20

Elizabeth had sneezed again and then retrieved a laced handkerchief from her bosom. She had blown her nose daintily while glaring at Maria the entire time. She had then rummaged around in her ancient carpetbag for a couple of minutes, before sighing crossly.21

Maria had raised a greyed eyebrow quizzically in her friend’s direction.22

“I’ve forgotten my blasted allergy spray,” Elizabeth had muttered irritably. 23

“Buy another,” Maria had offered simply, but knew her friend too well. She might have been suggesting that Eliza put a needle through her eye, by the look of disgust that she had received. “I’ve got a spare,” she had proposed, placating her friend.24

Elizabeth had smiled, her lips stretched thin across her dentures. “You’re such a dear,” she'd replied, with obvious phoney cheeriness as she held her hand out for the small bottle of nasal spray that Maria had proffered across the table.25

Four sprays were all it had taken – two in each nostril – for the medicated solution to remedy the sneezing.

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26

It had resolved far more than the sneezing, Maria thought wryly in retrospection as she pottered about the garden. Elizabeth had had a fit when she had recognised the bottle, accusing Maria of a great many things. Before her friend had departed, Maria finally admitted the truth: Her and Winton’s affair, and the fact that they’d broken it off after Winton refused to leave his wife. Her friend had clutched her chest at the last, eyes bulging with righteous indignation.27

Maria chortled to herself as she recalled Elizabeth’s reaction; mouth agape and hands trembling against Maria’s Sheridan tablecloth as her eyes watered. Elizabeth had asked only one thing – why – but had left before Maria could give her an adequate reason.28

Maria cared deeply for Winton, and he for her. The affair had begun slowly just after summer in the previous year; he seeking refuge from Elizabeth’s acerbic tongue, and Maria due to her desire to fill the emptiness she had experienced after her husband’s death nearly a decade before.
29

Their brief clandestine encounters - kisses snuck as they met in shadowed alcoves, or tender embraces hidden by tangled garden vegetation - blossomed into something neither of them had initially expected. After a stolen moment melding their bodies and souls - that left them both in a state of blissfulness reminiscent of their more youthful days - passion flourished anew in both of them. 30

Then, six weeks ago, Winton had abruptly ended the relationship, citing Elizabeth’s apparent failing health, and his desire to honour his marriage vows. Even though Maria gently reminded him that, by merit of the affair, he had already dishonoured this solemn promise, Winton could not be compelled to reconsider. 31

She retrieved the empty fertilizer bucket from the lawn and traipsed back to the garden shed. Upon entering, a familiar heady odour assailed her nose. A large quantity of her favourite rose food - blood and bone - contributed most of the ambient aromatics, though there were sharper notes: Fuel for the motorized equipment, and the chemical hints of assorted pesticides.32

Maria tucked the bucket away in a corner, before reaching to retrieve a clear glass bottle from a nearby shelf. Aphids had been attacking the tea roses in the second greenhouse, and the nicotine sulphate would be just the thing to get rid of them. Donning a facemask and gloves, she cautiously poured some of the potent insecticide into a spray bottle, taking care not to spill it. Black Leaf 40 had been out of production for fifteen years now and Maria could ill afford to waste even the smallest drop.33

Having measured out the exact quantity, Maria recapped the plainly labelled bottle and returned it to the high shelf. An hour later, the aphids annihilated and her precious roses once more free of affliction, Maria retired for the day.
34

. 35

. 36

.37

The next morning, Maria found Winton on her doorstep, holding out a drooping red rose.38

“Eliza would kill you if she knew,” she jovially reprimanded him, recognising the bloom as belonging to one of Elizabeth’s precious roses.39

Winton appeared fleetingly guilty, but still smirked as he presented the flower to her. “What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her – and besides, what is but one rose?”40

Maria accepted the offering, brushing her fingers lightly across the silken petals. “Indeed, my dear Winton, indeed. Shall we?” she inquired, as she exited her house, reaching for the crook of his elbow.41

Together they strolled towards the far greenhouse, relishing each other’s company and the early spring weather. Winton chivalrously held the door open for her once they reached their destination. “Have you registered your new rose yet?” he queried, as he followed her into the enclosure.42

“I wanted to formulate a fitting name for it first,” she replied, as she led him past fragrant greenery. She halted in front of a foot high juvenile rose bush containing a single magnificent bloom. She gestured her hand at it with a flourish. “May I present – the Scarlet Eliza.”43

“You named it…” Winton began.44

“After Eliza? Yes – she went to throw out a rose bush years ago – said that the particular strain was weak – it couldn’t be improved on. I challenged her presumption. And you know Eliza – she sneered at me – practically scoffed at the idea that I could do something she’d tried so desperately to attain.”45

Winton nodded.46

“I’m more stubborn than she – and I’ve got a new variety to prove it.”47

He leant forward and breathed the scent of the semi-unfurled rose.48

“Heavenly isn’t it?” Maria whispered reverently as he released the bloom.49

“Reminds me of the old varieties – like the ones that grow down by the river."
50


She smiled, knowingly. “I did cross-pollinate using the wild roses – it was the only way to imbue the classic scent in a commercial variety.” She pointed at a bucket full of organic material. “Not to mention all my varieties respond to the special TLC I bestow on them.”51

Winton curiously inspected the contents of the container. “You’ve changed suppliers?”52

Maria frowned. “What ever do you mean Winton?” 53

“The blood and bone – it seems to be richer than what you normally use.” He scooped up a handful and let it dribble through his fingers. “Moist,” he remarked, as he stared intently at the handful of material.54

“The roses love it, especially 'Eliza' here.” Maria wrapped her arms around his waist and snuggled her face into the back of his linen shirt.55

Winton grunted in response. 56

She breathed in his scent through the cloth before relinquishing her hold on him and stepping away. “I can show you the roses I took the pollen from… the ones down by the river.”57

He swivelled to face her and grinned. “A picnic perhaps?”
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After packing a basket of cheeses, fruit and a bottle of chardonnay, Maria rendezvoused with Winton at the tiny gate at the end of the lane. Coated in weathered and chipped white paint, the gate creaked ominously as it swung open. Maria smiled sweetly at Winton as they squeezed through the narrow aperture. They walked down the path in near silence, the tall grass brushing their legs as they passed.58

“It has been years since I’ve been down here,” Winton murmured, as they traversed the field. Delicate butterflies and other insect life flittered and darted through the warm and humid air. Oblivious to the human presence, other creatures went about their spring rituals, the surroundings filled with boastful males, each preening for their finicky female counterparts.59

With the basket on one arm and Winton on the other, Maria contentedly enjoyed the foray into the tantalizing spring environment. Unlike the birds that rejected the fervent advances of chorusing males, she had selected her perfect companion.
60

As they ducked to walk under an overhanging vine - Winton needing to stoop lower than her - she tilted her head and whispered in his ear. “Kiss me Winton.”61

He paused briefly before he took her in his arms, encircling her waist and tilting her chin up with a steady hand. His eyes pierced hers as their lips met tenderly, and the sounds and sight of the woods faded as they kissed - a moment stolen under dappled light.62

He broke the kiss and took her hand, urging her forward. With the cane basket jostling by her side, Maria quickened her steps, the pain from her joints anaesthetized by the pleasure that bubbled forth from their kiss.63

Burbling water sounded as they rounded a corner, and Maria caught sight of splashes of bright cerise against verdant green leaves. “They’re beautiful aren’t they?” she breathed solemnly as Winton dropped her hand.64

Winton merely nodded as he stumbled towards the tangled roses, pausing only to pluck an exceptionally perfect bloom from the masses that dotted the riverbank. 65

Maria removed a patchwork blanket from the basket, and spread it across a clear patch of grass as Winton turned back to her with the rose gracefully grasped between thumb and forefinger. Without taking her eyes from him, she elegantly reclined on the blanket. He twirled the stem as he approached her.66

“I just want to know why, Maria,” he stated, his voice abruptly hard as he threw the rose to the ground, its beauty discarded as unexpectedly as his previous stance.67

“Why?” Maria responded, her brow furrowing in confusion.68

Winton plunged a hand into his pocket and retrieved an object which he tossed at Maria. It fell against the fabric of her skirt with a soft patter and tumbled to the ground. She stared at it, the flash of gold taunting her.69

Her attention focused on the band, Maria failed to detect Winton’s movement until he had pushed her back and straddled her chest.
70

“Why did you have to kill her?” Winton begged, his voice taut with grief and pain. One of his hands clawed tremulously at her blouse. "Why?"71

Maria whimpered at the sight of her love above her with a rock in his fist – her meticulous plan unravelled by her own stupidity. As Elizabeth’s wedding band glinted accusingly beside Maria, Winton brought the rock down on her face.
72

Author notes

For everyone reading: If you have read this far, you must have, at least, enjoyed reading this story. I encourage you to leave a review - even if it is a short note to acknowledge that you read the piece.

If you did like it, I enjoy finding out why.  

 

For Contest: Many Options

Option 1: This story is based, somewhat, on the song "Where the Wild Roses Grow" by Kate Bush and Nick Cave.

Favourite flower: Two actually; roses and zinnias - both pick well, last well and have lots of character

For any others: 
Genres represented: Mystery, Romance, Tragedy.
General notes:

The meaning of the title - Winton is the 'rose' and Maria and Elizabeth are his 'thorns'.

If you haven't figured out how Elizabeth died and what happened to her body - shame on you.

Black Leaf 40 is an aqueous solution containing 40% Nicotine Sulfate - an alkaloid of extremely potent toxicity. As little as 7ml is enough to kill a person within minutes. It went out of production in 1992 (for good reason) and is considered one of the most dangerous poisons in the world. It was used extensively as a pesticide - and ridding roses of aphids was one of many uses of this product.

When the poison is inhaled or ingested, the effects are immediate. It causes the body to seize/convulse, followed within minutes by paralysis, vascular collapse and finally respiratory shock.

Meine Liebe - a German expression - 'my love'

A contest entry

Did you figure it out?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 85 of 85

  • ForTheLoveOfBooks
    November 16
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    I suspected that Maria killed Eliza and used her for fertilizer but I didn't expect Winston to kill Maria!
    At the beginning you almost lost me lol I'm not much for garden talk lol I really really wanted to stop reading but I thought 'No if it's in my contest it must be mystery or at the very least something to do with murder'
    Very well written! A little slow in the start but other wise I loved it
    Thank you for entering my contest and Good luck!


  • twilight2411
    October 14
    Edit | Reply
    Very well written!!!!The plot is awesome and capturing! Thank you for entering!


  • Valhara
    October 13

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    It was definately well written. The plot was actually nice to an extent. I mean, the whole, murderous and affair part, very capturing. But the excessive gardening talk, in the beginning, really made me wonder if I wanted to continue reading it. You didn't dissapoint though, very good read.


  • lesbian-in-love
    October 10

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    This was really good. I enjoyed reading it. It was well written. Thanks so much for entering and best of luck to you in the contest.


  • WritersEffigy gold member
    September 27

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    I just read this somewhat off my noggin, but was thoroughly entranced. I'll... I'll read it again when the roses in the background stop dancing.


  • Kagamine Rin
    September 26

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    Beautiful. Extravagant. Simply and truly amazing. Description; yes, a big yes; you pass on that. As well as emotional atmosphere!
    An amazing piece of work.

    Good luck in my contests.


  • Sanchara
    September 22

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful peice, it reminds me of the kind of things my english teacher used to give us; very deeply rooted in the real world.
    just a quick side comment, the background does distract from the text a little....


  • Lori Nikki
    August 22
    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this story. Very betrayal-ish. Good luck in the contest!!


  • codename
    August 9
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    that woman was soo mean and jealous to kill eliza

  • Brilliant. Well planned and layed out. An enticing tale full of rich texture that indulged the senses.

  • I liked this a lot.
    It was well-written, interesting and had an amazing and unexpected ending.

  • This was an amazing piece of work. It kept me on my toes to figure out what happened. You have a tremendous vocabulary range! I applaud your efforts and I must say that you are an exceptional author!

    Splendid work! Keep writing,
    RayneFall

  • You managed to keep me reading from beginning to end ... which is quite difficult as I get bored rather quidkly!
    An exceptionally well-written story. I do not think there was one grammatical error or spelling one for that matter. Very clever twist. I thoroughly enjoyed this.
    Good luck in my contest.

  • TheDecree
    March 22

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    I enjoyed this story so much. The descriptions were brilliant! I loved the part where you described the butterflies and all your descriptions of the various flowers, it really painted a beautiful picture.

    This was a ovely, lovely story. (:

    Good luck in the contest (:

  • wow *clap*

    *thinks I figured it out*
    I can imagine the wedding ring "worn" on the stem of that exceptionally beautiful rose... I love your carefully placed "clues" - when you told me it was a romance-mystery, I didn't know how that would work out, but I was and am pleasantly surprised to have read this. It certainly is different from anything I've read... and it's sheer genius to have this whole story unravel the way it did. I also love how Winton discovered... and how, even in the end, Scarlet Eliza prevailed over Maria.

    Ironic how he probably might not have found out if she had not taken him there to have a picnic... Hmm. Elizabeth and Maria.. Bible names.. cousins x.x just a coincidence? But gah, anyway, with that aside, I thoroughly enjoyed this... *claps*

    Thank YOU for writing this

  • Good luck in my contest.
    Thanks for entering. =]
    Good Job


  • Tricia3 gold member
    March 8

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    It looks like this has been quite a winner

    I can see why. It has no mistakes and is very well written, a joy to read, and I really enjoyed it.
    I always enjoy seeing the bad man, or woman get theirs in the end.
    Thanks for entering.
    Trish


  • Cupcake14
    March 8

    Edit | Reply
    You shouldn't do this you know. You should give everyone a chance, instead of hogging the finalists list all the time with your stories!
    Best of luck in the contest! (I've already commented on this one, there's nothing much I can say)


  • Tiger-Lily
    March 6

    Edit | Reply
    Option number in AN please. I've already commented...I think, but nonetheless, brilliant story. Poor Elizabeth...even if she was a doddery old crone. The wording, as always, is flawless and structure would have Steph Meyer crying in shame.

    To fully judge this, I'll need the cliche you stemmed this from.

    ♥ HT


    • tallblondie gold member
      March 6
      Edit | Reply
      Relationship type: love triangle.

      As you would note, I've taken that and given it a fresh spin (old people).


  • sjhunt gold member
    February 24

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    Very Very Good, Kept me the whole time

    I didn't think I was going to undestand at first. But at the end, I went back and read it over. Perfect. I don't like Winton, but then again, I feel most men think they have a right to as many conquests as they can get away with. I like Maria,even though she's not really a protagonist. I enjoyed this thourougly, it almost has a Hitchcock flavor. You're writing was recommended to my by a the greeter, Elizabeth. I've entered the contest with "Loved To Death" She is very kind and is concerned about the content. She obviously respects your writing and your opinion if you want to take a look. I'm not asking for any other reason than to make sure the material is not innapropriate. If you don't, thanks, anyway and my review is genuine.

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Lois.Stone
    February 2

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    There is a very, very obvious reason why you won a lot of contests for this beautiful piece! Your story managed to keep my interest all the way through, and I think I figured it out. But I'm not sure. I'll have to reread your story, and make sure I've got it right!

    Loisxx

  • Hm. Interesting yet very beautiful. I, personally, can understand why you've received so many trophies from this piece.

    Although, I've caught minor errors. You have yet to put the commas after some actions taken my characters in this excerpt. Others I could not find, as I was anxious to learn more and more of the story.

    Thank you so very much for entering and I wish you luck in my contest.

  • This was really interesting, actually. It was long, but the fact I managed to finisih it must stand for something. Hm... I'm trying to figure out how to put this... It's almost like you're trying too hard to use big words. That's great if you vocabulary is normally that large, but if you've constantly got your head in the dictionary I think you can relax a bit. Not that I'm saying I didn't appreciate the nice use of words, but... Anyway, it was cool. If I'm correct, she uses people as the fertiziler? Is that right? Because that's really cool.

    • tallblondie gold member
      January 30
      Edit | Reply
      I have an extremely large vocabulary as well as a love of language and words. I often need to use 'easier to understand' words (though I understand the exact meaning of them, others may not) when writing. I also have a habit of using very rich descriptive language and obscure words that put across exactly what I want the reader to see. I realise that this can be seen as 'trying too hard', but it is something that is effortless and second nature (for me at least). What I do have to 'try hard' with, is to ensure that the language used fits the average Storywrite audience. And yes, my MC murders her friend and uses her as fertilizer...


  • Vampiric souls
    January 6

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    This was a really good story. Great job with everything.... I love that you based this on an old couple rather than young couples, I find it far more shocking this way..... Great Job and thanks for entering!!!!

  • BurntUmber
    January 5

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    This was a fantastic story! Maria was a really wonderful, real character and I was very pleased with your entry! Good luck!


  • Darkhearted
    January 3

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    wow I never knew a gentel old woman could be so cruel though that is entirely what I was talking about when I said I wanted something totaly odd and original thanks for entering my contest,
    chey-bear


  • wolf-storm
    January 1
    Edit | Reply
    good story. I really liked it thanks for entering the contest. I really enjoyed reading this.


  • Living.Disaster
    December 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    “You two and your bloody roses,”
    My favorite line.
    AWESOME Story.

    Good Luck!!!


  • Dawn Bon
    December 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Good job! i see you have won lots of trophies for this too! thanks for entering my contest and good luck!


  • WaterBottle
    November 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    =)

  • WaterBottle
    November 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Amazing!

    This definitely was a twist! I would've never expected the turn of events that took place in this excellent story....And sweet old Maria, killing her supposed best friend with Black Leaf 40 disguised as nasal spray!

    That came out of nowhere!

    That was a bit extreme. I don't care how much she wanted Elizabeth's husband, Winton--That is psycho behavior! LOL

    Great story! It has originality, fluidity, balance. It's well thought out, and the imagery and description of characters is magnificent. The title speaks for itself.

    One of my fav's so far.Tongue out


  • Celestial Rose
    November 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    friendly hint: you might want to change the font color, its hard to read. But other then that, this was a great story, and I loved it!! Very well written, too. good job!!!

    • tallblondie gold member
      November 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I normally have a larger, thicker font - but I forgot to change it back to that when I last had my gold membership.

      Here's your rule sentence: 'Mango's dance on the moon.'


  • donuts-and-music
    October 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    good job! it is very well written, and is an enjoyable piece. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.


  • Hinata-is-me silver member
    October 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I have read this before! It's very good, nonetheless. I still like the end no matter how many time I read this. Very good job, and good luck.


  • RxxSpiritWolfxxJ
    September 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh bejesus. Well done! Freaky story ... and old people too! What happened to sitting in a rocking chair and dreaming about the good old days?!

    Well wrought, as always. What can I say? Every story of yourn hath a twist.

    RJ


  • gezza gold member
    September 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    A well written piece

    A wonderful piece indeed.  The focus from fairly early on is on the murder of Elizabeth, with little hint on the revenge killing at the end.  Nice.

     

    I like your style of writing and you have a strong literary sense... it comes out everywhere in your story.   Can I be bold and suggest that perhaps you try too hard in some places - not all nouns need adjectives and not all verbs need adverbs (this is an exaggerated statement, because you do not do this to all, but I hope my point is clear).

     

    I also like the detail you presented with respect to the age of the ménage à trois - a particular strength of the story. 

     

    Also, you definitely qualified for the prime purpose of this contest - you blended the mystery and romance perfectly and gave good representation of each.

     

    Another general observation - you have a tendency to ascribe the speaker after dialogue, even if there is narrative just before that makes it clear that the dialogue would be made by that person.  Often this is good, as you are obviously adding quality to the tone of the speaker, but you seem to do this almost every time. You need to break the structure of paragraphs with dialogue. Sometimes it is nice to have dialogue with inferred speakers, and sometimes it is nice to have a paragraph set the scene and tone, and then complete it with unqualified dialogue. Sometimes, using your technique, it appears a little clumsy to the reader to have the "Maria said", or whatever, because the reader does not feel it is necessary.

    Final observation regarding dialogue - you don't use "said" very much - instead finding alternatives. While alternatives are good, I think they can be distracting as well if you go hard on them.

     

    below is a series of edit-style observations.  Some of them are my preference rather than strict grammatical/stylistic issues.  Please take them or leave them (which, of course, you would do anyway).

     

    para 1 - "gloves she wore on her hands" is a little tautological. Perhaps "even against her gloves."

    para 4 - possibly a comma after "reflected".

    para 5 - "rheumy"... hmm. Sort of ok except it doesn't fit well with "twinkling". I suppose your eyes could be metaphorically twinkling and yet being lined with mucous, but it doesn't quite flow (pedantic here).

    para 6 - I like the imagery but it seems a little clumsy. I would have thought his staring into the distance would be the first thing noticed, and if he was going to refocus on Maria, it would be ON Maria, not in her direction (=non specific).

    para 8 - "Winton sighed, the precarious predicament of his own making." - seems like an incomplete sentence.

    para 9 - comma after "replied".

    para 12 - suggestion: "tenderly whispered" instead of the reverse.

    para 15 - "turned on his heel" should perhaps be "turned on his heels" (although the former is acceptable, I thought the latter is more common - and practical).

    para 17 - is "Privet" meant to be capitalised following a dash?

    para 18 - suggest "areas" be replaced by "fields" (pedantic).

    para 20 - it might be cleaner to have "Maria had impatiently snapped, making it..."

    para 24 - "answered" not quite right, when there wasn't a question. Perhaps "offered"? or something similar? "for the look" could possibly be "by the look"?

    para 27 - semicolon after "truth" - I believe a hyphen or colon would be better as the next words are a direct consequence of the statement.

    para 29 - suggest "ago" be changed to "before", otherwise a tense issue.

    para 30 - in the previous paragraph you discuss the beginning of the affair and this is still the state going into para 30 - therefore you don't really need to start with "It had started with...". commas needed after "alcoves" and "blissfulness".

    para 31 - suggest hyphen be replaced by a comma - it is not an emphatic lead. comma after "affair" to make the flow easier.

    para 32 - suggest colon instead of semicolon.

    para 40 - better to write "Winton appeared fleetingly guilty".

    para 41 - "velveteen" doesn't sound quite right - perhaps a little strained in the metaphor - velveteen aint like silk, if that is what you wanted to substitute. comma after "inquired" as well as "queried".

    para 42 - comma after "replied".

    para 45 - while not quite proper, it seems right to say "she sneered at me" instead of "she'd".

    para 50 - "he stated by way of observation" is unnecessary as it is simply describing what is clear from the dialogue.

    para 54 - comma after "remarked".

    para 58 - full stop after "grinned".

    para 59 - comma after "murmured". Suggest dropping "of many species" - we already know you are referring to "other creatures".

    para 63 - perhaps "The cane basket" can be replaced by "With the cane basket". Not sure "and inundated her senses" are needed, or perhaps it needs rewording.

    para 66 - perhaps a comma after "grass".

    para 67 - comma after "hard".

    para 69 - "arrest its impetus" - the phrase is overworked, complex.

    para 70 - perhaps "pushed her back, straddling her chest" could be "pushed her back and straddled her chest".

    para 71 - comma after "begged".

     

    As I said, I thought your work was wonderful. 


  • Valkyrie silver member
    September 5, 2008

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    This is great! I knew what had happened, but it was still enjoyable to read how you had worded it so that it was ambiguous. I've seen enough CSI: shows to learn about nicotine's deadliness (why DO people smoke that anyway? ), so when you mentioned it, I knew what had been in the nasal spray, mwa ha ha.
    I loved your rich detail and gentle pace; it made the violence at the end seem all the more shocking! Way to go with the roses and fertilizer info; that was subtly worked in. Oh, and so EVIL with the Scarlet Eliza name for the new rose. “The roses love it, especially 'Eliza' here.” That was the clincher line for me. Eliza loves Eliza...marvelous twistiness!


  • quicksilver moon
    August 29, 2008

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    Your writing and descriptions are amazing. I must say you know a lot about roses and fertilizers.It's interesting when knowledge related to something like a fertilizer is used in a story to create a beleivable death. I love it. The ending came as a surprise even though I suspected that Maria had given something poisonous to Elizabeth as an inhaler, especially the part in which Winton kills Maria. Love, suspense, jealousy and murder all in one story with old characters! nicely done. Thanks for entering this story in my contest and good luck


  • Noisome.
    August 28, 2008

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    I love the ending, in all honesty. I had figured out the Maria had killed Elizabeth and I was waiting for it to be acknowledged. I really love descriptions and details, and this piece definitely quenched that thirst. I have to say, however, that some of the descriptions and intense details did distract me a little. I got a tad lost in the plot, though I was able to quickly recover. I loved the subtle, yet not so subtle, hints at Maria's scheme. I especially liked Winton's questioning about her fertilizer, I couldn't help but laugh a little. The characters were wonderful, very elegant, I think. Their portrayal couldn't have been more perfect. All around, I thought this was just lovely.. in a tad bit of a twisted way. Thanks for entering. :]

    -Sarah.


  • Cheerful-Panda
    August 27, 2008

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    The description in this story were beautiful and I couldn't help but feel I was taken back in time reading this story.
    Good luck in the contest and thanks for entering

    -Miranda


  • Shinami Tsuyoki
    August 25, 2008

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    This was simply wonderful in the variety and complexity of the words that you used. I'm very pleased in the variety that made the story vibrabt in description. The end twist was amazing and baffling, but very tragic indeed. The only flaw I point out is how neat the beginning of the piece practically every paragraph began with a name. Try to make those opening sentances a little more different to make the piece have a nicer look. Otherwise, wonderful story!


  • JJBanReo gold member
    August 23, 2008

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    spot on

    I'm on a blackberry or I'd leave a glowing review. Just fantasticM I think only the English and I appreciate how good this is. Maybe you ought to enter it in a contest.Kidding
    My only critique?
    How does one bend over arthritically?
    Jj


  • Rhubarb
    August 20, 2008

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    This is very good writing, and well expressed. I'm not sure about who killed who, but I liked the ending twist. You obviously know your flowers, and I like the way the characters are older, you don't often see this.
    Well done,and thanks for entering.


  • Naive.
    August 8, 2008

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    I absolutely loved this. The plot was amazing and the twist at the end had me on the edge of my seat. This was EXACTLY what I wanted in my contest. The description was perfect, the characters were great, the plot was intriguing, and everything was so well written. Fantastic job.

    Thanks for entering and good luck. =]

    (Also, just thought I would say that this reminded me of one of my favorite authors, Agatha Christie. I enjoyed this so much because it read like something she would write, but even better.)

    -jj

  • Thedamned77
    August 7, 2008

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    Unexpected twist at the end, absolutely marvelous. And yeah, I figured it out. Though I'll admit your explanation about the pesticide helped.


  • grey2dragon
    July 28, 2008

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    Okay, I so totally didn't see that coming! This was a fantastic read. The characters felt so real, I could swear I smelled Ben-Gay coming through the computer screen. Lovely, dark little tale. Good luck in this contest!


  • moonwriter
    July 10, 2008
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    Read this again just because it was so amazing. I was really, really impressed. You're an amazing writer with such a gift for words. I loved how interesting it was. Usually I have an exceptionally short attention span, but this story never ceases to keep me fascinated.


  • whenever love dawns
    July 10, 2008

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    ooo the classic love triangle. those never seem to end without someone getting hurt.(or killed in this matter) this was very well written. I enjoyed reading this. Thank you for entering and good luck in my contest.


  • TheFemmeFatale
    July 8, 2008
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    I've commented this before, and I stick with what I said. Absolutely wonderful, kept my interest the whole time.
    Thanks for entering!


  • Reaver Greeters member
    July 5, 2008
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    Second read through...still good :)

    So, i have read this one before, but read it again. Enjoyed twice Here is my previous comment too:

    good concept
    Very well written story. You seem to really know your way around a thesaurus. Some of your word choices seemed a bit bold for the piece, but I enjoyed the flow throughout. Strong character build up, but I have a hard time picturing an older arthritic woman having a secret affair.


    Enjoyed the story and the twist, but I sort of caught on to what was up about half way through.



    Very strong concept. Thanks for entering.



  • KaitieTheCheeto
    July 5, 2008

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    I really liked it. Usually this sort of thing would be WAYY too long for my attention span (I have the brains of a chipmunk ...) but I enjoyed it! Great read!

  • KarlineKelton
    June 26, 2008

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    I Love it!

    Great story. But I did get confused w/ the question about Elizabeth's Death. I'm sorry. English is not my first language and a lot times I never get it.
    Did Maria killed Elizabeth and used her blood in the fertilizer or did the husband killed her and blame Maria for it? I'm really curious...Can you let me know where did I get lost. Besides that It's beatiful. I love all the fancy words you use in your writing. It forces me to get my dictionary and get on studying! You entice my imagination with your very descriptive style.Congrats!

    beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 4.

  • cheetahgal
    June 25, 2008

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    the title really draged me into it. I do not know what you meant by "Did you figure it out?", but is still a good story.


  • perfect paradox
    June 24, 2008

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    Wow, the ending was a real shocker. Though I'm not a real fan of older people's romance, this was really good! I was astounded at how you ended it (not in a bad way).

    The only itch I had was the relationship between the two women was a little confusing. Half the time I wasn't quiet sure if Maria and Eliza were friends or enemies.

    That's all! Good luck in my contest and thanks for submitting!

    Cheers,

    VW


  • IrishYndina Greeters member
    June 22, 2008

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    This was a very good story, and I loved all of the roses and rose breeding. (Of course being a plant biologist has nothing to do with it... *laughs*) I also love the fact that you've made the protagonists older, and not young teenagers in love. That's not done enough, and it's always a bit pleasantly unexpected to find it. The one thing I'll say is that I guessed what had happened from amost paragraph one of thise story - right away, with the mention of blood and bone. Most people, you realize, won't know that blood and bone is a great rose fertilizer, and that it doesn't necessarily mean she's killed someone. Most readers will see that as a huge red flag saying "Maria has killed someone!" You might want to make a point early on of saying that blood and bone is a great fertilizer, and try to make it sound (convincingly) that it's not her neighbor she's feeding to the roses. Let that realization come later, and gradually.

    * Para 40: "but smirked as presented the flower" - I think you're missing a "he" in there.

    * Para 59: The part of the sentence after the semi colon isn't a complete sentence - even adding the word "were" after "surroundings" would make it work.


  • gerifitzsimmons Greeters member
    June 22, 2008

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    I didn’t figure it out right away.

    While I gathered rather quickly that our kindly senior citizen wasn’t just a rose enthusiast, and there was going to be something sinister about that fertilizer, I didn’t figure it out right away. So you will definitely capture your readers at the start and keep them reading.

    Fabulous plotting. The idea of a clandestine relationship in the Golden years that would create mischief and eventual murder is pretty unique. The tale flowed along smoothly but with a brisk tone; yet at no point did it feel rushed.

    You came up with an interesting method of dispatching the poison even if the grinding up of the body has been used before.

    I did miss when he found the ring, I’m not sure why. But the way it was used and the final reaction of the man played out beautifully.

    Geri

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.


  • K.Tangent
    June 21, 2008

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    This story made me think. It was quirky, filled with love, passion, betrayal, and murder. Beautiful, simply beautiful. I couldn't ask for more in a story. The end was very, very intelligent. I applaud you for this wonderful story that was entertaining in every way.

  • Rovingone
    June 19, 2008

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    Excellent. This reminded me of one of the short stories I used to love in the Alfred Hitchcock mystery magazine. I like the quaint way it is told, very English, and the description of the characters is so good you can even hear their voices. Though, I was surprised at the ending. I suppose I shouldn't have been.

  • TheFemmeFatale
    June 19, 2008

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    wonderful

    I really did love this story, and actually, my first instinct to read it came from seeing it EVERYWHERE! I loved reading it, and I did figure out that the "blood and bone" had to be someone, and when she said that the rose was named the "Scarlet Eliza" I was suspicious, but somehow still the ending surprised me. Now that is a sign of a wonderfully written piece.

    I liked the characters, even good old Elizabeth. They were all likeable because they were interesting, and definately made me want to keep reading.

    I love all the information about roses, and when you mentioned the nicotine insecticide I laughed aloud because ironically enough I just watched an episode of the X-Files that was talking about nicotine being an insecticide. That was kind of irrelevant, but I had to share it for some reason.

    All in all, well written, with interesting word choices and a great plot. Excellent detail, also.

    Thanks for fascinating me! VanillaLace6661

  • Reaver Greeters member
    June 17, 2008

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    good concept

    Very well written story.  You seem to really know your way around a thesaurus.  Some of your word choices seemed a bit bold for the piece, but I enjoyed the flow throughout.  Strong character build up, but I have a hard time picturing an older arthritic woman having a secret affair. 


    Enjoyed the story and the twist, but I sort of caught on to what was up about half way through. 

     

    Very strong concept.  Thanks for entering.  

     

    Durian.   


  • Mel-the-Believer
    June 17, 2008

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    Wow, this was very, very good. Excellently done. This really was very good. I loved it. Thank you so much for entering. Good luck in this contest. God Bless!


  • demonp3n
    June 16, 2008

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    I really, really enjoyed this. It seems like something that could have really happened. I liked how all the characters seemed real. It was a very good read.

    Good luck in the contest!

  • moonwriter
    June 16, 2008

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    I'm impressed! It was so old fashionedly amazing. I was hooked from beginning to end! And very pleased with myself that I figured out how she died immediatly. Whoo! I loved this. You've definitely done your research. This was very well written. I like this.


  • Oddems.
    June 16, 2008

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    I very much liked it- it was well written and a an exceptional read. You depicted Maria, Winton, and Elizabeth well. Anyways great job! Oh and she had killed Elizabeth then used her blood and bones for the roses. A very good, if not a bit twisted, ending.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Granny Frikkin Smith
    June 15, 2008

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    Alright. I was really enjoying your story, until I got to paragraphs 12 and 13 and I just had to stop and wipe away the "bleughra?!" that was dribbling out of my screen.

    Winton considered her offer, and then placed a leathery hand on top of her own. “Perhaps another time, Meine Liebe,” he whispered, addressing her with an appellation in her native tongue.12 (in this paragraph, it's the just the last line "addressing her with an appellation in her native tongue." It seems a little demeaning, explaining that it's a nickname to the reader. Most well-reader people will understand, or catch on.)

    Maria blushed, savouring the sensation of their connected skin, before regretfully removing her hand from beneath his. “You speak as if you regret your decision Winton.”13 (In this paragraph, as an octogenarian myself, I can tell you that A- Maria would not be able to blush, the blood simply doesn't flow like it used to, and there isn't any sexual drive/passion left to speak of after 64.)

    Now, I continue reading! .......

    The next teeny error I notice isn't until paragraph 19, where it should "one should always attend to one's duties." The only point of using "one" is to avoid the ambiguous "they," and is usually a British affection. Unless you wanted her to sound off, she should say "one's duties."

    No comma needed after "snapped" in para.20
    In paragraph 21, comma after "again," but no comma needed after "daintily," because "while glaring at Maria..." is not a complete phrase.

    Oh my goodness. An affair with old people.. I'll buy it... but "a final intense moment of carnal gratification?" It's not possible! It simply isn't, dearie, no matter the viagra that either of them took. And it's ridiculous to read. If you bumped the ages down.. maybe to fifty, I'd buy it. But 80 something? Maria would have broken her hip and Winston wouldn't have been able to get undressed and into the bed before he was tired!

    I like how the pesticide was what killed Eliza; it made sense to me, because I couldn't imagine how one little old lady killed another. The pesticide was very clever, good job! Winston killing Maria, though? It happened too quickly and left me feeling "wait, what? Didn't he love her? And isn't it strange for someone to accept murder so quickly? And that old man picked up a head bashing rock!?"

    All in all, you wrote very well, and it makes me happy that you believe old people can still murder, make passionate love, and lift heavy objects, not to mention walk long distances outdoors.

  • detty
    June 15, 2008

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    Awesome story! Roses are my favourite flower. (: I think you did a great job, excellent vocabulary, and I love the symbolism of your title. The ending flowed smoothly and was not abrupt, as most murder stories are. The way you carefully desribed the objects in your story really added to the effect and flow. I must really commend you on your character development too; I especially liked the way you desribed Elizabeth to show her attitude and all.

    It was a great read! Thanks for entering my contest.

    Although please remember the read the rules, it stated to put in the author's note what your favourite flower is, and which option you selected.

    Overall, well done!


  • karmaxandxcrayons
    June 15, 2008

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    Oh my gosh. Wow. That's all I can say at the moment... I'm just blown away.

    Language, grammar, ideas, all were beautiful. This story was deep and meaningful, light, cheery, and dark, heartbroken. Oh my gosh. Just... wow. I have no suggestions to make it better; it's quite good already. XP

    And what an interesting idea!! I could have never thought of this, and they way you worked in Eliza's death.... pure mastery.

    Good job and Good luck in the contest!!

    <3

    Maureen!!!


  • whatami
    June 15, 2008

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    I bet the inhaler contained the poisonous pesticide. (But you didn't hear that from me) Anywhoo, rich language. The ending was whoa; unexpected. But it all came together onlythere for me. Great research on the pesticide topic. Nice mix - romance, death, betrayal, all masterfully combined. Nice title idea...

    Great job, and good luck.


  • Andy Stephenson gold member
    June 15, 2008

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    Well done.

    A good little murder mystery. Ellery Queen Magazine might like it. She used poor Elizabeth to fertilize her roses. Well, that's one way to dispose of the body.

    Winton I suppose dumped Maria in the River. It seems that he was somewhat at fault for Maria's action.

    You researched your poison well.

    I just thought I'd drop by and see what this story was about. Very well written. You do write better than I do, drat. I enjoyed this story.

    Andy


  • Peachy
    June 13, 2008

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    A very unexpected twist, but a good one.
    You don't usually see love stories between older people and this one was great!
    Your use of words enhanced the story and it was a very original idea but I didn't realise that she killed her at first. I had to go and read all the comments and then I got it, but maybe I'm just slow
    Anyway, good story, unexpected and with an amazing twist!

  • sugarrrainbow
    June 13, 2008

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    Oooh cool stuff!
    I really like your vocabulary, it's very advanced. Very morbid as well, which is always a plus!!
    Awesome writing, I really liked it!!


  • Lover of Stories
    June 13, 2008

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    Ooooh, this was a great story! ^w^ You have great talent. I must admit, I'm pretty slow, so I had to reread the story to figure it out. But after I read the author notes to find out what Black Leaf 40 was and reread the story I understood how Eliza died and that she was the fertilizer. Which is pretty creepy. *shudders* Good luck in the contests and keep up the great writing! =)


  • Shancy Fayre
    June 13, 2008

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    All I can say is: WOW!!! This is a GREAT read. I loved everything about it. It is absolutely perfect. Thanks. Shancy.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • miles of smiles
    June 13, 2008

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    OH! OH OH OH!

    I understand. The allergy spray- the fertilizer- oh! Oh my GOD! What a great story! A mystery, an affair, a death, and some roses. A perfect mix! Great vocabulary, EXCELLENT plot line, believable characters, and overall, an amazingly twisted story! It was sort of creepy and my stomach turned over when I thought of the fertilizer thing (yuckkkkk!), but yes. Great job.

    Good luck in my contest!

    ♥sarah♥


  • I-Am-Austin
    June 12, 2008

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    this was a great story. I enjoyed every bit of it. you certainly know how to right a story! I would clap but I don't have enough points... Anyways. Great job with the writing, and keep it up!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • machie
    June 12, 2008

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    I like the background, the roses are pretty. And i like the font you chose.

    I also like the way u wrote the story, and i like the whole idea, it is very good. I like the whole light way you made evrything. good job


  • Migfin
    June 12, 2008

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    I love this piece, it was perfectly paced and the paragraph with the kiss had such beautiful description. You had me very interested when you mentioned blood and bone, but I must admit it took me a little bit to figure out the twist ^_^

    excellent =)


  • Yoko
    June 12, 2008

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    That is soooo sad. Loved the way you wrote this. She killed Eliz, and Winton killed Maria. I had my suspisions when he toled marie that she used a diffrent kind of blood and bone. Nice ending. Looove it. Sooo saaaad. Keep writing. Hehe, mew!


  • ariane faire
    June 12, 2008

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    ou sehr spitze!

    ich habe es geleiben! a love triangle can be one of the hardest things to deal with... unless you kill them off. lol loved the twist at the end. love can easily reveal even the darkest sides of a person. maria was definitly dark. she looked at it as those it was just a little gossipy news. loved it!

    beginning: 2, plot: 4, ending: 4, characters: 3.

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