The only sound I was aware of as the door shut behind him was the rushing in my ears, sounding like a freight train coming straight at me. I walked to the window, watching as he got in his car and drove off. 1
I’m not sure how long I stood there, but when I finally turned away, the living room was dark, and there were stars in the evening sky. I went to my couch, and fell onto the cushions, welcoming the feeling of being able to lie down. Rolling over, I stared at the ceiling, as I dredged the afternoon from my memory for closer inspection. 2
* * 3
Carlos had been so gentle our last time together, but I could sense the urgency in his movements…the way his hands traversed my body… the way his lips covered mine… the way he had held onto me, long after we had made love…as if he knew this was the last time he would see me, be with me, make love to me. 4
“Listen, I…” he paused. 5
“You what?” I asked, scanning his face, looking for signs as to why he had been so silent. 6
“I have to go,” he paused, then continued in a rush. “I have to go away for a while. My job wants to transfer me to Los Angeles for a few months.” 7
I stared at him, trying not to let the disappointment show. “When are you leaving?” 8
He closed his eyes briefly. “This afternoon,” he whispered. 9
“Whaaa? This afternoon?” I sat up in bed and studied him. “How long have you known about this?” 10
“Couple weeks,” he admitted. 11
“A couple weeks,” I repeated with a nod. I got out of bed, grabbed a housecoat, and walked into the living room. I glanced behind me as he appeared in the doorway, pulling on his jeans. “Did it even occur to you to mention this before now?” 12
“I’m sorry,” he said as he approached. “I wanted to, but I didn’t know how you would take it.” 13
“Then why tell me at all?” I walked away from him, resisting the urge to slam my fist into his face. “You coulda called me from L.A.” I stood by the window, looking out at nothing. 14
“I would never do that.” 15
I turned and glared at him, causing him to involuntarily take a step back. “No, you would never do that. But, you would wait until the last possible second to tell me.” I shook my head. “Oh, hey, by the way, I’m going out of town for a few months.” I mocked. 16
“You wanna come with me?” he asked, knowing full well what the answer would be. 17
“Do NOT ask me that!” I pointed a finger at him. “You damn well know that I can’t go.” I closed my eyes briefly. “Jesus Fucking Christ, Carlos, don’t ask me something you already know the answer to just so you can leave with a clean conscience.” 18
He threw his hands up in the air in annoyance. “Why do I even bother? Huh? Damn it, woman, you seem to think that your life here is more important than me.” 19
“You want me to come with you?” I asked. “Fine! I’ll come with you! My job…over. The house….up for rent. My pets…kenneled.” 20
I looked at him, and noticed something similar to fear creeping into his eyes. “What?” I asked. “You don’t want me to come with you?” 21
“I don’t have time for this,” he said, dodging the question. He grabbed his shirt and headed for the door. “I’ll call you tonight when I get to L.A.” 22
“No.” 23
He turned, surprised. “No?” 24
“No,” I repeated. “No, as in don’t call me when you get to Los Angeles.” 25
“Damn it, you’re acting ridiculous.” 26
“So what?” I asked. “At least I told you about it in advance.” 27
“Why are you being such a bitch?” 28
I laughed suddenly. “You really have to ask that?” I shook my head. 29
“Yeah, well, whatever.” He reached for the doorknob. “I’ll call you when I get there…up to you whether you answer or not.” 30
And with that, he walked out the door…and maybe out of my life. 31
* * * * 32
I jumped at the sound of the phone ringing. I checked the clock as I got up to answer, surprised to see that it was well after midnight. I glanced at the call display and stopped. “Unknown name, Unknown number, Long Distance” stared back at me as the phone continued to ring. 33
I ran my fingers slowly over the receiver, counting the rings until they stopped. I smiled lightly as they started again. Six rings later, the house was silent again. I waited for the small flashing light that indicated the caller had left a message. The light started to blink, and I got up, went back to the couch, grabbed the remote and turned on the television. 34
Somehow, fittingly, the movie “Gone With The Wind” was just ending. I watched as Rhett looked at Scarlett and delivered his line “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.” …and then he was gone. 35
I sort of blanked out Scarlett’s speech, until the end. “After all, tomorrow is another day.” 36
“Amen to that, sister!” I said to the screen. 37
The End 38
Author notes
Just a little thing I've been working on...sort of a part of a bigger story. (I might have the quotes mixed up a bit, but, hey...)
In a list
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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good
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I dig it.
Your economy is great. I'm a gas bag in comparison. Great quick sketch, wonderful emotions.beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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Good.Nice work.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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that was really good, and i didnt notice any errors. It was written wonderfully, keep up the great work
citcat
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Realistic dialogue makes this a really nice snippet of a story. I think I remember this one from way back, but I don't see a comment from me on here.
The ending is great, showing that there is indeed a tomorrow, and that relationships don't control or ruin a woman when they end.
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I really enjoyed this story, and the way you played the two characters' personalities around each other.
It was great not to have to wade through loads of unnecessary angst
You have brilliant timing - finishing it just when you did. Absolutely spot on!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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God, I just got to your site, and not having the time to chew through one of your many completed novels, began to dig through your short stories--this is the second I've read, and both of them were about jerks.
I like the way you write, and the pacing of the story was spot-on. I'm going to keep going through your lists and see what I can dredge up that's a little more my speed...
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good
I loved what how descriptive you where in pharagraph number 34 about "I ran my fingers slowly over the receiver" That leaves you really waiting in anticpation of the story...hope maybe you might write the bigger part of the story later
Kari
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Love you're free flowing style
Barbra, I'm not often jelous of other authors work, but you are such a natural syory teller, when i return to my own i feel so let down by the fact that it seems so manufactured.
I look forward to reading the bigger picture.beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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Ms Barbara, Love the story – what a hard task master lurks within – poor guy, they can not help being a user it’s in his genes (not jeans) – thank you for the write has made my day.
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This was great, I know there's no way I could've it either, it was great though, Keep writing,
Josh
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I'm not sure about the quotes as I have never seen the story, but would like to read the longer version of this. Held my attention so it was a good write.
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This was good, even though I'm not sure I could of done that. I'm too much of a romantic, sigh, you just can't fight it. but I guess when it's over you know.
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ohhhhhh i like this! powerful stuff there. very believable too. although the story was short, there was still some character development there. nicely done, would love to read the "whole" story!
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Nicely written.
It flows very smoothly and the conversation is very real. I hope you have other works posted. -
Love this! Such power/strength in the end of it!
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Great story, very real. I like the way you plaed off of that tired old phrase; it's really interesting to see what people come up with when doing stuff like that. Post more because what you have now is very interesting and I'd love to read more.
~Laura -
It's good.I can't wait to read the bigger story.Good write.
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