Silent Cries-Chapter four & Five

Chapter Four-Denial1

The fear in the pit of my stomach is now a sickening pain. It's taking control of my whole body. Painful shivers running down my spine.2

I freeze in my father's arms. A cry ropps form my throat as i try to stay strong. I don't want to cry. not here and not now. Not woth my father as vunarable as he is at the moment.3

I tear myself out of my father's grasp and run to my room.4

Slamming the door shut i throw myself on my bed and rap myself in my covers. I shut my eyes tight and close out the world. I lock myself in my room and intend to never come out. (of course we all know how well that works. We might be able to stay in there for a little while but pretty soon we will need to eat. or pee. Depends on which comes forst. But anyway you get the point. I wanna stay in my room till i die but that will never work.)5

Chapter Five-Relization6

Trying to deny my mother's death was hard. Every other thought was of her. How she smiled. the sound of her laugh. the smell of her perfume and the tightness of her hug. the sdvice she gave me that always helped. Stuff like that.7

I closed my eyes tight and just cied under my blanket. I did not care who walked in i just layed there and cried.8

I let myself cry untill my eyes were red and swollen and every time i blinked my eyelids felt like sandpaper. then i cried a little more.9

After i thought that i had no more tears left in me and i could no longer cry i fell into a fitfull sleep.10

In my dreams, well they were more like nightmares, I was in a mountainous forest. I was in a small valley with a translucent pool with beautiful fish and colorful reefs. A cascading viel of water fell from a steep cliff. It was so tempting to take off my clothes and go for a swim.11

I put one foot into the water and felt it's perfect tempurature. It was the perfect kind of cold. I took off my sandels and put down my hair. I took a deep breath of the mountain air and dove into the crisp water.12

It felt amazing against my skin. I swam in the amazingly cool water. I was so relaxed that i did not notice the figure that reclind against one of the trees. When i spot the shadow i freeze trying to figure out what (or who) it could be.13

I swim closer to the shore so i can get a better look. I can tell, now, that it is defanatly a human. As i get a little closer i discover it is a Man. I stay were i am and wait to see what happens.14

The figure pushed off the tree and disapeard. I floated there paralizd. As soon as i relax i turn toward the waterfall only to see that same man.15

I swim close to find out who it could possibly be and stop. It's Tyler! Why is he hear? This is MY retreat! I found this place! It's MINE! i thought furriously.16

As soon as he relizes i found out who he was a dazzling smile spread accross his face. It took my breath away. (He even affected me in my dreams that pretty pathetic on my part.)17

He motions me to come to him and to my surprise i do. He lifts me up onto a rock behind the waterfall. The roaring water was loud but i could hear what he said perfectly clear.18

"Hello my dear. I have missed you." He said with a mocking smile19

"Uh...Hello." I stutter.20

He pulls me toward him and i hold my breath. He holds me in his iron grasp and kisses my head. I shiver as his lips touch my neck.21

"Now we both get what we want my love." He said in a suductive voice. I gulped as he bared all his shimmering white teeth.22

then pain shoots through my body. Tyler bit me! His teeth were sinking into my throat and i could not move. He held me to tight. the pain was unbarable and i was loosing concousness fast.23

He lets me go and wipes his mouth. i fall to the ground thrashing on the floor.24

I hear a scream and relize it's me.25

I wake up still screaming. My dad runs into my room.26

"What's wrong?" He asked in a raspy voice. I could tell he had been crying because of his tear staind shirt.27

I sit up and try to give him a reasuring smile.28

"Nothing i just had a bad dream." i said just now noticing the sweet in my hair and the blanket twisted around my body like a snake.29

He sighs and kisses my head and returns to his room. probably to finish the crying session i so rudly interupted.30

I look at the clock it said 12:55 p.m. "Could i really have slept that long?" I asked myself 31

I run my fingers through my sweet drenched hair and reach for my phone. it said i had six new messages. Wow could i really have six.32

They were all from Alec.33

10:0034

Hey babe howd u sleep35

10:3036

U awake37

11:3038

How can u still be asleep39

12:0040

Helo41

Do u lyk not wanna tlk 2 me42

12:1043

is sumthin rong44

wats ^ rite now45

12:5046

ima cumin over 2 c wats ^47

I jumped when i heard a light knock on my door.48

"Come in" I said clearing my throat still clogged with tears.49

He came in and his smile faded once he saw my face. I could tell he was how red and swollen my eyes were. he knows i have been crying.50

He comes over to my bed and asks whats up.51

"What happend yesterday? Why did you not want to talk to me this morning?" he asked worried.52

I don't know wy but i started to cry again. I just couldn't help but let the tears fall quietly down my face. Alec took me in is arms and held Me. he did not say anything he jsut let me cry.53

As the tears started to come faster he kissed my forehead making me cry even harder.54

"I thought i was done crying but evedentaly not. I'm sorry." I appologized.55

"No it's ok. YOu cry as much as you need but i cant helpo you if i don't know what happend.56

all i had to say was she is gone and he relized what happend. 57

"Oh my God Chris. i am soo sorry! If i had known i would have been here sooner." He said holing my tighter.58

I did not relize i was holding my breath untill it all rushed out of me like a popped balloon.59

I shoved him away from me. i wiped my eyes thinking "I can not show weakness. Not now. Not with Alec here." But it was usless i had to cry and i could not stop myself.60

I layed down and coverd my face. To my surprice Alec followed. He layed down right next to me and pulled me to him. 61

We lay there together for a while. i had my face burried in his chest as the tears flowed endlessly onto his shirt.62

With his arms around me i did not feel so broken. I felt some what whole again. Part of my was glad he was here. i don't think i would survive if i had to be alone.63

After a while i was almost asleep in his arms. he rested his head agianst me kissing my hair.64

"When did you find out?" he asked disturbing my quiet peace.65

"Find out what?" I asked confused then it hit me "Oh that." i said with a sigh "Last night i found my dad on the floor and he told me." i said a fresh wave of tears falling from my eyes.66

"My father's in his room. he locks himself in there and over doses when something happens that he can't handel." I said then i stopped. Oh my gosh did i just say that? Even though Alec has been my best friend since the first grade i have never told him, or anyone for that matter, about that.67

there was an awkward silence after my little slip up.68

"Oh" was all he said. "I'm sorry. You should not have to go through this alone. it's just not fair." he said, i think trying to comfort me. It was a nice try but it did not work.69

"Yeah i geuss it's unfair but i have to play with the hand life's delt me. i have no choice." I said "But i just can't help but think that it was my fault" i added quietly.70

Alec got up shocked. My arms felt empty now and it stung a little.71

"How could you even think that?" he asked in disbelif. "This is in no way your fault. Nothing you could have done would have reversed this."72

"Yeah but i should have tried! I didn't even go see her once when she was in the hospital! not once! I had a responsibility to take care of my mother why she was sick and i failed! I let her die alone! i was not there to even tell her goodbye!" Alec's eyes softened and he reached for me.73

I pulled away. "Don't touch me" he tried again but i slapped his hands away. "I said don't touch me Dammit!" Alec looked shocked and hurt but i did not care. i did not want him telling me what i could have and couldn't have done.74

I started to cry again and i geuss Alec gave up because he checked his phone and left without a word. I sighed and hugged my pillow. i was really mean to him but the things he said made me mad.75

I went to the door thinking i should stop him but i could not find the courage to open it. 76

I fell to the floor and just cried. I cried harder than i think I have in a long time. I rapped my arms tightly around my waist as if to hold myself together.77

I lay there on the floor, memories of my mom flooding into the empty spaces of my mind. I never should have let him go. I needed him more now than ever.78

My dad ran into the room in a paniced frenzie. He reached for me and i let him grab me up in his arms.79

"Shh. Sweet heart it's going to be ok. Everything is going to be alright." he said trying to comfort me. I looked up at him in disbelif.80

"No dad. It wont. Nothing will be ok! It wont ever be the same again. Mom is gone and there is nothing me or you can do about it!" I cried81

"No it is going to be ok! Yes mom is gone! But she would not want us to live in regret! She would not want us to live the rest of our lives in despair! We have eachother still and that is ALL we need at the moment1 We will be fine! We will live to see another day!" He cried just as fiercly.82

"Again your wrong! Life as we know it is gone! Just like mom! i fell like she abandond us just when we needed her the most!" I said tears running down both of our faces.83

"And you think i don't?" he asked "YOu din't think i know how you feel? She was my wife! I loved her just as much as you did but we can't live every day with regret! Dammit listen to me! mom did not mean to leave us like thins! But she does not want us to cry over her. She would want us to remember all the good!" he said hugging my closer to him.84

I gave up the fight and let him rock me back and forth like a baby.