As i gazed out to the sea i sighed.This hoilday was so boring i thought to myself."Jack get down here at once !" yelled a voice from the bottom of the small dark boat.I sighed and mumbled then walked down the stairs scufffing my shoes.Mum was crying and dad was on fire but..he was not hurt." he is a fire shadow" she screamed.I raced up the stairs and jumped onto the lifeboat.You see the element shadows are dark evil things that hurt and kill anyone.you have the fire shadow (my dad) a water shadow an earth shadow and a mysterious dark shadow.Nobody knows about it but in the legend it says that all four protectors got wiped out and that a son of a fire shadow would become the next protector.The thing is I think that's me they are talking about i was born on the same date and born to a fire shadow like the legend says.I must be shaodw the slayer.I grinned as i rowed towards the island not far from the boat then suddenly the boat exploded......1
FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT IN BOOK TWO SURVIVOR2
Comments
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Welcome to StoryWrite
I think you have a good start on a very interesting series. Paragraph breaks would make it a little easier for the eye to follow and you still have a few typos, but all in all it has my imagination humming and wondering what is up next. I think you could even expound a little on the different element shadows to give us a little more depth and insight.
Glad I stopped by. Keep writing and again welcome to SW
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It looks like you've got an interesting start to a story. However, it is a bit squished together. One of the best things you could do is put some paragraph tags in; it will make more people read it and it will make it easier to read.
As well, read it aloud to someone. That way you can feel the parts you like and the parts you don't and want to fix.
It seems like a good start but I'd like to know more.
Keep working.
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Apart from CC's adivce, I'd say that this is a tad too short and fast paced. May want t ease up on the speed of things happening. Kinda hard to tell when what happened.
But I liked this.Interesting concept.
-HT
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Good intro, it really draws the reader in.
Some itches I have are:
I strongly advise to copy and paste this in Word. Word will generally pick up the spelling and some grammar mistakes so you won't have that many grammar and spelling problem comments.
And two, I think this might be a little short. Add some more details and reactions from the main character about what is happening around him.
I can't wait to find out about Jack! This is a nice plot so far and I want to see where it goes. Keep it up!
-CC
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