All guys should know this stuff - a womans guidelines to understanding women

Ok, so I have been surrounded by guys my entire life. Most of my cousins are male. I have a brother and brother-in-law. A father and a step-father. All my friends except one are all men. And now I am surrounded by what I would call the most men of men. Marines. They are always asking me why women do what we do. Why are women evil, they ask. My response is yes, women are evil. Im not sure it can be helped. Now, I’m not saying evil in a murdering kind of way. Although some of my Marines see it differently. 1

Basic questions I get are:2

Why did she cheat on me?3

Why did she leave me?4

Why doesn’t she like me?5

Why did she do blankity blank?6

What did I do wrong?7

Of course every situation varies depending on the girl, the guy and the story leading up to it. Most often the reason is that the girl is simply not nice. The guy is attracted to her for a quick lay and then they start getting all soft hearted. A huge hint: If she is dating someone else when you start going out then don’t expect a faithful long term relationship to sprout overnight.8

For instance9

One good friend of mine has been engaged 2 times in the 2 years I have known him. I have now put my foot down and told him he is incapable of deciding if he should marry a girl. Obviously the guy falls in love with anything with mammary glands. The first day I met him he was completely drunk (and talking to bums) and he decided that his current lady love was the one he wanted to be chained to for life. He then buys a "promise" ring and foists it onto her. They are of course in a long distance relationship since he is a Marine. Well, little to say she starts to fall for some guy back home. 10

My first major fact to impart is this: do not become engaged when more than two feet separates you from your one and only. 11

Second: never do the deed drunk. Maybe something to fortify you so you don’t shake so hard that the ring falls on the floor and rolls off somewhere.. and maybe something to use as a celebration toast but not hammered out of your head drunk.12

SO, that little engagement didn’t last more than two months. Well, Iraq was around the corner and all young men want someone’s dirty pictures to show off and someone to write them letters. Most Marines get married or engaged at this point. So my drunk friend thought it would be brilliant to go home on leave.. meet a girl he vaguely new in high school and then start planning the wedding. This time the ring was beautiful. She came out and visited (leaving her 2year old at home) and things looked..well ok. A few months down the road I get a call from Iraq. She had started to see another guy.. and had not told him..She had just stopped talking to him. His dad told him. Very low girly. very very low. Well this is an instance where I am usually asked.. why are women evil. But seriously I think I have heard of more men doing this than the ladies. She was evil in not telling him. I count it as cheating that she went out with someone else and let him draw the conclusions.13

Notes on the story: DO NOT become engaged on as little as three weeks of crazy monkey sex. Wait at least 9 months.. I waited 3 years before I decided to shackle my guy to the wall. I suggest a year and a half.14

Now the third girl is still in the mill. She hasn’t gone crazy too yet and nothing is really official but my poor friend had to sell the VERY expensive rings from the previous fiancée so as not to loose a HUGE amount of money. Consider that when you are trying to hitch your three week lady love, rings are EXPENSIVE! 15

Don’t think that all my stories are about getting married. A lot of them are relationship Band-Aids. My husband is the least romantic man I know. He is the very last to catch onto any hint I give. In fact 20 other Marines usually catch on before he does. He isn’t a slow minded guy he just doesn’t think I want all those girly things like flowers and dates and being told how drop dead gorgeous I am.16

Meeting girls also seems to be a big problem for guys... well meeting decent girls. They know where to meet the hookers and the fuck buddies but have no idea what to do when it comes to a friend and lover.17

When you do meet a good girl use these tips to keep her.18

How to tell your lady she is beautiful.
This is an important skill. If you do it right all sorts of doors open. Don’t expect immediate awards. This is something you do daily that helps your relationship. It is like eating. Mandatory.19

SO do not just mumble "you look pretty" while looking at the TV and chomping snacks. 20

The best time to do it is the first time you see her during the day or if she has been out of sight for more than 10 hours. (Even better if you notice a hair cut or new outfit)21

Now delivery is important too. Look at her.. in her eyes. smile.. count silently in your head... one one thousand, two one thousand... now say "you look wonderful" or "you look beautiful" or pick something (non sexual) and complement that. "I like your hair like that" or " you smell nice works" if commenting on smell it is best to give a hug and then smile and state the greatness of her sent. 22

The after is just as important but a little more difficult to predict. Depending on the mood and where you are you might want to continue a conversation with your beautiful woman. Let her smile and say whatever she thinks about your complement first. Hugs at this point should be initiated by her. Unless of course she gives you a come hither look indicating she wants you to make SWEET love to her.23

Remember not to expect a round of horizontal mambo or even a make out session after every complement. And complement daily.. Preferably at different times everyday and with a different phrase. After a while it just might come naturally.24

Alright, my brother-in-law has troubles with the “broads” as he so eloquently puts it. He is a decent enough guy, makes a lot of money and is related to my drop dead gorgeous husband so therefore can’t be too hideous. (I’ve known him since I was age 4 and we have hated each other until recently) He seems to meet women that just want to have sex. Now I think that is a bit of a reversal on the stereotypes. I had always thought it was the other way around. In fact, I have come to the conclusion that our generation is equally sex-crazed on both the male and female sides. 25

One of the girls my brother-in-law was so crazy about was a bit older (he likes older women) and they rented a place together. Her on the second story him on the first. He made her dinner (Chicken Cordon Bleu) and desserts (three layered chocolate cake from scratch) and bought her huge stuffed animals and iPods and called me so frequently for advice that I am positive the guy was in love. Well, she wasn’t. They dated a bit and were good friends.26

Note number one in this story. If she doesn’t love you, you can’t make her. All you can do is give her an aversion to you. 27

The “why are women evil” question came after two months of trying to woo this girl. She started seeing someone else. My brother-in-law is at the point where he is trying to get over her. She brings home her boyfriend and they proceed to fuck noisily in upstairs. This is obviously completely overwhelming for my brother-in-law.28

I have no answer for that one. Sometimes people are ass-holes. That is life; nothing is fair. 29

This is where the why doesnt she like me question pops up as well. And all I can say is there is no reason. Some people just dont return your feelings. Call it a spark call it chemistry call it whatever you want but the bottom line is sometimes it just isnt there.30

Now this next story is rally for Marines. Contract marraiges. And I am completely against them. You can get screwed in so many different ways. Yeah ok you get money. ou get to live off base and you now have a ready excuses for a plethora of situations. but seriously. 31

In the Marine Corps if your spouse cheats on you she gets half of everything you own. if you cheat on her she gets EVERYTHING you own. 32

If you dont like her she may like you. she may be a scank and get pregnant and try to foist her bastards off on you..