If you walked around the streets of the nearest city, you would not wonder who the people in the black suits are, or what their life is like. If you saw a young woman in tight jeans and a tank top, you would not wonder where she has been in life, or what she may want to do.1
That is why you would be surprised when that teen walks up to you, and places her hands on your forhead. When you open your eyes, te woman is transformed. Instead of the cheap makeup and flare jeans, you would see a white, flowing dress that doesn't even look solid. You would see golden wings that look like pure light. Her face would be slightly tanned, and her hair a chesnut brown with a dark red top layer. Her eyes would be a brilliant green, and her lips form a perfect smile.2
When she leans down and kisses your forhead, you would feel warmth spread through your body and you close your eyes. When you open your eyes again, she is gone. When you see your city, your home, you would see things like never before. You feel compassion and love. You would wonder what the expressionless people that rush by you feel, what their lives were like. You would want to help the world.
Author notes
I'm not really that religious, but I put this as a starting topic in an RP and I thought that is was cool.
A contest entry
- Short Stories by Reaver.
455 points, ended June 13, 2008, 26 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Stories Please by Violet Moodswing.
600 points, ended June 16, 2008, 33 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - From the Realms of Heaven and Hell by H.A.Johnson.
525 points, ended July 29, 2008, 19 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Short and Sweet by WritersEffigy.
175 points, ended October 24, 2008, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
How does this make you feel?
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Very interesting, I like the way your mind works. Short and sweet.
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Hmm, interesting. I liked the idea of the "angel's touch" and the changes it makes in a person. The description of the angel herself (once transformed) felt a bit awkward at times, slightly formulaic in structure, but apart from that the rest flowed very well. I could see some interesting longer stories coming out of this, but it works nicely on its own as well.
An enjoyable short-story on the whole.
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I like the wording in this and the imagery is quite nice. Thank you for entering.
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Your description was great. I could really picture her in my mind. The beginning makes me want to read on.
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Intrigued
I felt that the opening characters were flat and Lowriesk - but that was appeared to be the writers device to open up the story. The story touched a chord of dissonance within me because those opening characters contrasted with how I am - I am curious about everyone.
The story lifted my spirits helped me see an aspect of me more clearly.
Personally, I felt that the story, in itself, was unfinished - what a theme to explore!
As for its impact I have detailed how it impacted upon me - I feel it could have a positive community impact by opening up the mind to the potential of (I think) 'helping mankind.'
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Very interesting idea with which to work - again I would like to see where it leads you! Sadly I don't know what an RP group is!
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This is a beautiful short story. I love how you described the woman, it was so vivid.
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Oooooo.....
Intresing for a short read. I like the way you had descriptions on that woman.
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this seems really cool actually really intriguing, like, waiting to hear more. Who is this person?! XD
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It's very well written and flows well. I like that it opens your mind to considering the possibilities and ideas that are out there. Nice job!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thanks for your entry. This is a very intriguing story and it opens the imagination to considering the possibilities.
Best of luck in the contest. Keep writing.
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Read this once. Very well done twice round
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Very well done...enjoyed this concept and the way you structured it. Sort of a 'make you think'er Very well done! Again. Enjoyed it throughout!
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Thanks for your comment! I sort of wrote it off the top of my head, and I liked it. I'm glad you did, too. Again, thanks for your comment!
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