Letter To Addictive Poison:

I sit here feeling like a fool1

You are on your game as usual with her,2

Holding her3

Kissing her4

Loving her 5

Not me 6

And all I can do is cry about it…7

You make me soo sick8

I reached out to you for seven months,9

Cried out to you and became inside out for you...10

And now its month eight and I tell you how I feel 11

You say you feel the same but it’s all a lie isn’t it?12

You LOVE her not me,13

You don’t wanna admit it,14

She fucked on you,15

And HURT YOU and you still want her??16

Why? What sort of ass are you? 17

If she hasn’t yet she will again, 18

Why you do stay with someone who can hurt you? Instead of someone who can make you happy?19

Is it… Is it that you DON’T wanna be happy?20

You like living with shit?21

Has to be, 22

Cuz you are going no where fast, 23

And I am reaching still for you after all this time,24

Which makes me no better than you I guess25

Because I am in love with an illusion that will never be 26

And you hate me, I can tell 27

Behind my back you smugly laugh and ignore me28

And play with me when you are bored and need someone to amuse you,29

When you need attention and can’t get it anywhere else, 30

You come to me, 31

To fuck me 32

Then leave me when she comes back 33

Over and over and over again,34

And I always take you back because I am a loser for loving you35

And maybe just like you I love the attention I get from you…36

I call you my best friend, and you barely call me your friend37

I tell you everything38

You tell me nothing 39

I sit naked and you stand clothed40

When you touch her skin, is it as soft as mine, 41

Does she make you cum on a glace, as her eyes pierce your heart?42

Does that glance even penetrate your insides?43

Does mine? - 44

Cuz yours does -45

And when she holds you with soft spoken horizons, 46

Do you drop to your knees at the shores of tantalisation?47

Do you both talk economics, war, life, love,48

Is she deep as the valley that you were born in?49

Or shallow like my heart 50

Because all the water I have to sustain myself I gave to you, leaving nothing for myself so now I thirst for something more from you,51

I gave you everything I could about me! 52

Everything!53

Everything you know! Everything I do! I gave to you! For weeks and endless days, 54

And from you… not even a quarter of that…55

Sometimes I feel sick, sick of everything you do to me 56

Excuse me while I retch up the past as memories escape my lips…57

AND DO YOU EVEN KNOW?58

Or are you soo fucking oblivious to the fucking fact of that!59

Christ!60

I could ramble here for days! Writing and re writing this shit61

I can’t believe I told you today that I was sick 62

You couldn’t have cared less it seems63

I ask from you64

You say you will give 65

And each time it occurs you become an Indian giver!66

Yes! You are you fucking MAN!67

That’s what you are!68

If you didn’t want to, why do you tell me these things?69

See now tears…70

More tears, and now they can’t stop!71

This is enough to make a woman go insane 72

After all I AM a Schizophrenic Psycho…73

Voice six is the bitch and she laughs at me 74

While the other 5 smile in agreement75

Telling me how fucking stupid I am for falling in love with you!76

And YOU DON’T CARE!77

You don’t even realise what’s going on here do you, 78

Nope…79

YOU FUCKING TROLL!80

I wish I could shake you and make you see what you have done to me81

I don’t like games 82

That’s why I quit PE!!83

Why are still here, here for your exotic and feverish amusement84

That’s all I am to you!85

I wish I could tell you all of it – 86

Wait! – I DID!87

And you shrugged and walked on…88

I am sick to my stomach of what I have become cuz uh you, 89

It’s like lightening a candle with no wick inside 90

And feel the pain of burning wax as it stings my flesh91

After awhile it cools, and the scar is there92

And I light it again 93

And again 94

And again 95

And again 96

And …97

And …98

Fuck me99

I dunno what to say here anymore, 100

I am a poor sad young woman 101

In love with someone who I KNOW don love me back 102

I can see it plain as day its not like I can’t see it 103

I KNOW104

I just can’t fathom the comprehension that 105

I AM STILL FUCKING HERE!106

And when I try to move from you, 107

You come back to me, 108

Don’t call me that if you don mean it!109

And stop touching me with all those words you love to call her!110

Yes I know!111

I can see it 112

And when she lies in your arms do you think about me, 113

Touching you?114

Looking in your eyes deep and hard 115

As I fuck you!116

I’m not like her you know 117

I seem cute, 118

And oh so cuddly119

But unlike her I can expose you and you don’t even know it…120

And all uh sudden you would sit next to me as naked as I am121

And don’t say it hasn’t happened! 122

BECAUSE I DID IT BEFORE YOU OBLIVIOUS MAN! HAHA123

She doesn’t look at you does she?124

She’s afraid of what you can do125

And I’m not basically,126

And THAT’S why you come back.127

Cuz I can satisfy you spiritually and intellectually as well128

And when your body is taut and hard wanting more of 129

Simulating conversation130

You’ll leave me, go to her, come back, and get nothing!131

Hahahah132

You poor poor man!133

And poor poor me!134

Cuz then the fucking process goes all over again and I will be here135

Sitting naked 136

While you will be there 137

Standing clothed 138

Hands in your pockets, rubbing ya crotch like all the men before you139

While I sit here cold and tear stained140

No thank you I need not your coat141

The chill from your forever and monotonous actions would freeze it off my back anyways 142

I need not your warm words143

For the nails of frost bite cut them to pieces before they caress my ears and fall blatantly next to the tear on the floor which only left loving infatuated eyes a moment ago...144

Invisible? You don’t even know what that means, 145

HUSH! Of course I don’t know anything about you, 146

BUT WHO’S FAULT IS THAT?147

None of my own!148

I encourage conversation and get nothing 149

So fuck you if I am so brutally honest of these feelings that are coming outta me!150

And now you go like you always do, 151

Where ever it is that you go, doing nothing and something152

Drinking coffee, feeding your cat and fucking yourself…153

Sigh…154

You could have fucked me hahahahaha155

Oh well156

That’s life, and hey 157

I’m sorry Angel, if this offends you, 158

I REALLY am, I don’t hate you, not any part of you, 159

I am disgustingly in love with you, 160

Why else could YOU come back to me?161

Over and over 162

And over 163

And over 164

And...165

And…166

And…167