It Wasn't a Nightmare

It was a quiet night. A bit cold, but a fine night. Each star shined brightly. Everything was beautiful, but remebering that night hurts so much.
Here's my story. 1

Mikey was lying next to me, but he was wide awake. (I don't think I've ever seen him asleep before.) His eyes were glimmering, his warm hands cradling one of mine, and his smile wiping away the cold.2

"I think I love you," I whispered.3

"I KNOW I love you," he smiled back "You're the moon and the night sky is heart. You'll always have a place in it and that will never change."4

"I don't know how to explain how much I lo-- Who's there?" I heard footsteps and a strange sound... Like someone was choking. I looked back and saw a tall emaciated figure about 15 yards away wandering toward us. Something about him seemed familiar, but at the same time alien. "I think we should leave... He's scaring me."5

"He's probably...He's not coming for us, don't worry about him. He'll leave," Mikey's voice sounded brave, but somewhat hollow.6

I tried my hardest to forget about the figure, and so did Mikey. We talked and talked. I didn't care what we talked about as long as my mind was off the noise.7

"uhh uhhh," I felt a cold breath on my ear. "uhhhh"8

"Mikey, do you have the keys. He's... He's..." I felt a cold hand grab my foot. "OH MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!" a hand... A dead hand, most of the flesh gone and some bones missing. "M...M....Mikey....L...Let's.." I was trembling and my voice seemed to have ran away.9

"We're getti-" he stopped and looked down at both his feet. Hands. He was silent with fear.10

"WE'RE GETTING THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" I screamed. My voice sounded fear stained, but I was glad to have it back. I kicked the hand off my foot, franticly grabbed Mikey's hands and tried to lift him up. He was frozen with fear, but the touch of my hand seemed to wake part of him up.11

"Try kicking--" I was interuped by a cracking noise12

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH MY FEET MY FEET THEY'RE GONE!" Mikey was screaming, his voice pain soaked and fearful.13

"OH MY G--" There was a hand on my shoulder. I looked back. It was the man. His teeth were stained red, there was a stream of red liquid coming from his mouth, a crack dominated the features on his face it started from the middle of his forehead to his chin, but his eyes.... even if it was the only thing you saw, you would know he was dead. They were black crystals. "I'm sorry Mikey" I brushed the dead man's hand off and ranaway.14


Maybe Mikey's one of them. Maybe he's dead. Maybe... he couldn't still be alive. I'm still not sure who the man was or if the "hand" was really a hand, but I am sure that I will NEVER go back. 15

Author notes

um...mew
option 1 and 9
i started writing and...ended up with this

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8
  • oohhh creepy.
    definately leaves you wondering.

    it could have been written in a way that made it feel more realistic.
    like, their dialogue seemed...unrealistic. like thats probably not what they would say if they were being attacked.
    using caps lock for a whole sentence and using "AAAAAHHHHHHH!" in a story can seem a bit amatuer-ish.

    but other than that,
    good job!

    thanks for entering and good luck!

  • Scared the hell out of me! Excellent; love when that happens
    Okay, to the story.
    Well written, a little unrealistic (even in stories that IS possible funnily enough). It has very good descriptions but perhaps give it more of a personal touch, just to make it seem more real. A couple of grammar and spelling problems, but the overall story was pretty good.
    Good Luck!


  • RedHearts
    June 18
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    Interesting...but this was more of a horror story,Good write though!!!


  • Wildstar
    June 18

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    good good

    Okay, this is very well written, only a few spelling mistakes. I loved it. It was a creepy story and it scared the hell out of me. But the point in the contest is to write about the picture on the contest page!!! Don't get me wrong, I really like the story, but it doesn't fit the contest, Sorry.


  • demonp3n
    June 16

    Edit | Reply
    I liked this story, it was creepy and it kept my attention quite easily. I felt that more descriptions of the surroundings and the girl's emotions. Overall I found this a very interesting read.

    Thank you for you're entry and good luck in the commetition.


  • ScenexXxLove
    June 15

    Edit | Reply
    Dang, that was a good, scary story. Poor Mikey though. Great job and keep on writing.


  • Yoko
    June 13

    Edit | Reply
    My heart was pumping so hard. (My chest hurts.) Poor Mikey. His feets gone. Loved how you wrote this.So far in this contest you are the only one who added dead people. Gooooooood job! Keep writing. Hehe, mew!


  • Quixotic Greeters member
    June 10
    Edit | Reply
    This was definately good! I loved it...and the picture you chose is awsome! Loved it!

1 - 8 of 8