I awoke slowly. My dreams fell away and allowed the real world to come into focus. The ceiling fan whirled and clicked with familiar comfort, sending drafts of warm air onto my face, making my eyes water. Despite the artificial breeze made by the fan though, I had sweated on my sheets and they were sticking to my legs, so I threw them back and sat up, letting my feet rest on the floor next to my bed and enjoyed the bit of cold that lingered in the wood. The face of my alarm clock, which dimly lit my room with soft green light, showed that it was ten minutes before two in the morning. I became conscience that my throat was dry and parched; craving a glass of water. I got up and headed toward the kitchen, brushing the tangled mess of my hair out of my face as I went.1
As I opened my door, carefully as not to wake anyone, the noise and atmosphere of the rest of the house surrounded me. As we were well into the hottest days of summer, many of the windows had been opened to let the cool, early morning air in. The rush of far off traffic, the chirp of crickets, the distant barking of a lonely dog and the eerie glow of moonlight seeped through the window along with the clean, morning air. No one else in the house had yet awoken and the hushed heavy feeling of a sleep was thick in the air making me tiptoe.2
In the kitchen every noise I make was exaggerated in the near silence. The clink as one glass bumped another as I removed it from the cupboard seemed to ring forever, the sound as the cupboard fell shut sounded like thunder, and the water that poured into the glass splashed as loud as a waterfall. I greedily swallowed the water, the sticky taste in my mouth left over from sleep was washed away and my craving was eased leaving me feeling refreshed and awake.3
As I moved to set my empty glass into the sink I noticed movement on the counter. Its expanse had a pearly, ethereal glow to it due to reflected moonlight let in by a nearby window, and at closer inspection I could see that the movement was ants. I can’t say how many, somewhere between ten and twenty. They glided across the counter in the moonlight in search of crumbs. People are not generally overly pleased to find ants on their counter, but maybe because of the magical atmosphere of very early morning, or maybe because my mind was still lingering in a dream, these ants struck me dumb with unbelievable beauty.4
They reminded me of golden glass, golden glass ants who floated through the moonlight on my counter. They were rather large as ants, a little over a centimeter; their abdomen was long but thin and they had unnaturally long, slender legs and antennae. Their head was very small and they were an almost transparent gold color with a couple of darker gold bands that wrapped around their abdomen. They paused repeatedly, their antennae and head bobbing up and down as they wandered back and forth, pausing again here, then there. So breathtakingly beautiful, marvelously elegant and delicate as they floated through the moonlight. I let my glass down to the counter and knelt down on the tile so I could see the ants straight on. I breathed heavily as a watched them, their feet touching down with insane care, their movement seemingly perfectly in sync. 5
“A ballet” I thought, “a ballet of magically animate glass ants dancing through moonlight in my kitchen.” I whispered it aloud and was caught up in the wave of intense emotions that moved through my body. I was going to cry with the perfect magic of the moment. Then I glanced up, at the glass that I had set on the counter and found that it had crushed one of the ants, its golden body smashed and broken against the counter top. With a pang of horror I lifted the glass quickly and saw a bit of yellow goo oozing out of it's glass body, its legs twitching, its tiny pincers opening and closing slightly. 6
“Oh!” I gasped out loud, and felt tears on my face and whispered aloud, “how could you be broken?” “you were so perfect, you were made of magic!” I fell against the counter and sobbed, amazed at how fast my elated feeling had been crushed. I couldn’t stand it! I couldn’t stand how something so beautiful and perfect could be ruined so fast. And look at the other ants, how they just went on with their lives, their graceful movement carrying them back and forth across my counter. I had killed it! I sobbed harder, and buried my face in my hands. I felt so ashamed and broken, almost as if I had been crushed as well as the glass ant.7
A distant crash sounded from somewhere else in the house, a cough and a toilet flushed. I jumped and looked around at myself; sobbing against the counter because I had accidentally set a glass on an ant. What had gotten into me? I pushed myself up and wiped my tears away. I placed the glass in the sink and cleaned the squashed ant off the counter with a paper towel and threw it in the trash, catching another tear falling down my cheek as the towel floated down to the bottom of the trash. 8
“So silly” I muttered, then without another glance at my counter I headed back to my bed.
Author notes
I have recently become aware of exactly what a coma splice is, and why they are not supposed to be used. You can blame me or my english teachers. It is probably the fault of both though. Anyway, I am aware that this story needs some serious reconstruction. I just don't want to bother right now...
A contest entry
- My story deserves a trophy! by Melancholic Smile.
350 points, ended September 22, 2008, 32 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - A challenge to all: I'm not looking for a story. I'm looking for literature. by DreamWanderer.
1750 points, ended April 13, 21 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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An interesting little snippet, nice description of the surreal, midnight mood. It all left leaving me wondering if it was real or a dream... well done. A good entry.
Dw -
This was really good - you really drew me in to the character's thoughts and I could completely relate to having strange experiences when half asleep in the middle of the night. You made the ants sound so beautiful; and when most people would normally take pleasure in getting rid of them you portrayed her sudden sleepy love for them so well There are some grammatical errors that need fixing but it still flowed well and kept me intrigued from the first to last word. An interesting well written story - thanks for entering
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Wow! That was truly amazing. There were some grammatical errors, but I was able to look past them and really get sucked into the moment. I nearly cried myself. It's such an imaginative piece, and I loved it. My only suggestion is to fix some of the run-on sentences, comma splices etc.
Great job!!
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This was amazing. What amazing descriptions and imagery! I really, really liked this. Good job and good luck!
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Woah. I loved it. I could picture everything as if it were I who had seen it. Good luck in the contest. [:
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I really thought you did a great job with this - especially with making the emotions both powerful and relevent to the reader.
And, well...I would definitely be the type of person to watch ants marching around on my kitchen counter in the moonlight... 
Good luck in the contest and welcome to the site! 
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I really liked this. Lots of emtions.
Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
Brooke
greeter -
You do a great job of involving the reader in a moment in time sort of thing. Good detail and smooth reading. I enjoyed it. Best of luck in the contest.
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Welcome to SW and thanks for sharing this interesting opening with us. I’m certain there is more of this story waiting to be read
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If you haven’t written it yet, I do hope you do in the near future. This is a good project to work on here.
That crash somewhere else in the house had a sinister sound. And the murder of the ant seemed to tie in with it.
The description of the ants was lovely, the death of the ant sad. You gave a very unique view of these insects; I could almost empathize with them.
Glad you decided to join SW and enter our contest.
Geri
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I don't see the point of it but I really liked it anyway.
It really pulled you into all the emotions; it made you actually feel sad about the ant. Well Written. Screen name in authors notes please.
Good Luck! -
p5 pausing again (here),
p8 looked around at (myself),
This is an interesting view of insect life. I usually don't kill bugs that are outside, but I do sometimes kill the unfortunate ones that find their way inside my house. I have watched ants, so I can relate.
Thanks for entering the new member contest. Welcome to Storywrite
Andy
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omge! this is brilliant! and i mean it. i LOVED how you put all of these discriptive words together to create something so beutiful. ughh, im so envious. best of luck with the contest! even though, im sure your going to win. x]]
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This was very well written and creative. I enjoyed reading it! Though i enjoyed from the middle on a bit more. But it was very well done and enjoyable! Thanks for the good read!
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