Contrasting Love

"Hey, Chelsea!"1

I turned around to see Jay approaching me, his books under his left arm. The school population was mainly white, so his dark skin clashed with the people around him sharply, making his figure jump out.2

"What's up?" I asked, stopping to let him catch up. We sat next to each other in Government, and had barely known each other before he asked me out a few months into class. Now we were practically inseparable.3

"Wanna hang out after school?" he asked, changing his books to his other arm so he could take my hand. I had red-hair, and the only tan part of me was my freckles. Every time we held hands I thought of things like vanilla and chocolate, paper and ink but mostly I thought of us.4

"Hang out where?" I asked. "Caribou? The park? Your house?"5

Then he said something I had hoped he would never say.6

"I was actually hoping that I could go to your house."7

I had prepared excuses. Now that the time came to use them, they disappeared faster than a horse in quicksand, sinking to the depths of my mind that were unapproachable.8

"B-but we're painting," I stammered, feeling panic rising.9

"Then I can help," Jay offered.10

"Oh... okay," I said, feeling my voice starting to fail as it always did when I panicked.11

"This is really cool, y'know," Jay smiled, squeezing my hand. "I've wanted to meet your parents ever since you had dinner with my family."12

"Yeah..." I said quietly.13

"So, I'll drive us to your house after school?" he asked, as if he needed to double-check it into his mental calendar.14

"Yeah..."15

"Cool." He kissed me lightly and let go of my hand, continuing to the band room and leaving me at the door to my class. I felt my legs grow weak as I walked into the room. I didn't hear a thing the teacher said. The air felt cold around me, and the cold seemed to fill me up, like it had the time I had locked myself out of my house during a blizzard.16

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~17

"What rooms are you painting?" Jay asked, looking at me in the mirror. His deep brown eyes sparkled happily, and I felt some warmth returning to me, even knowing what lay ahead.18

"Actually, we're not painting," I admitted, looking down at my lap and picking at a rip in my jeans.19

"Huh?"20

"I got mixed up," I lied, feeling his eyes looking at me in concern.21

"Good thing, though," he commented. "I wouldn't want this shirt to get messed up."22

We pulled into the driveway and we both got out of his truck. I felt another wave of cold wash over me as we walked to the door together. My hand shook as I unlocked the door and Jay pushed it open for me.23

"You okay?" he asked, putting his arm around me. "You look pale."24

"I'm fine," I said quietly, pulling away as I heard steps on the stairs.25

"Home already?" my mom called down the stairs.26

"I got a ride," I called back, surprised my voice had enough strength to do that.27

"From who? Jennif-"28

Mom stopped mid-sentence, and her feet stopped in the middle of the staircase. She stared at Jay, and my heart pounded heavily in my head.29

"Mom, this is Jay," I said slowly. "My boyfriend."30

"Oh," she said, her voice higher than normal. "That's right. I forgot."31

"Mrs. Lewis," Jay said politely. "It's very nice to finally meet you."32

"Yes," she said, retreating back up the stairs. "Well, I have things to do..." She disappeared and Jay looked at me curiously.33

"Mom...is a bit shy," I lied again.34

"Oh, I'm sorry," Jay said.35

We went upstairs to my room and spent the rest of the afternoon talking, until I forgot where we were.36

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~37

"I'll call you," Jay said. "How's Kung Fu Panda sound to you? You said you like Jack Black."38

"Sure," I said, realizing that it was already spring break, starting the next day.39

The sun was setting behind him as he leaned against the doorframe. He tipped his head at me and smiled, his white teeth standing out against his dark face. "What?" he asked, his smile detectable in his voice.40

"I was just thinking how much I love you..." I said quietly, not thinking before the words had left me.41

Jay looked surprised. "I-I'll see you later," he said quietly.42

"Yeah," I said, closing the front door behind him.43

I waited until I heard his truck pull away to return to my room. I was surprised Mom wasn't there waiting for me. Of course, it was only a matter of time.44

As I lay on my bed, rereading "TTYL" in an attempt to cheer myself up, a knock came at my door.45

"Come in," I said, not thinking.46

The door opened and Mom entered, seeming to have grown taller since Jay left. I pretended to be unconcerned.47

"What's up?" I asked, fixing my face into an innocently curious expression.48

"'What's up?'" Mom echoed, her green eyes that were just like mine burned at me, forcing me to look back at the book. "Is that all you have to say?!"49

"Yeah," I said dully. My heart sped up.50

"Well, I have news for you!" my mother shouted at me. "You are grounded! You are staying here for all of Spring Break!"51

"What?!" I dropped my book and sat up. "You can't do that! I didn't even do anything!" I said this, knowing full well what I had done that was so terrible in her eyes.52

"You brought that... thing... here!" my mother yelled and I turned looked up at the top bunk. She could yell at me, but I refused to look at her.53

"Jay is not at thing, he is a person," I whispered, forcing myself to stay calm.54

"I don't care what you think of him, you are never seeing him again!" She turned on her heel and stomped out of the room.55

"You can't do this!" I cried, jumping up and trying to follow her. My door slammed in my face and I heard the key click. I had never thought such a small sound could be so deafening.56

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~57

Later, my dad came into my room, seeming more sad than angry.58

"What do you want?" I sniffled, glaring at the wall.59

"I wanted to talk," he said quietly. I felt the bed sag a bit as he sat down. "Your mom says she's grounded you." I didn't respond. "Do you know why?"60

"Because she's a racist bi-" I caught myself. "Because she doesn't like Jay."61

"With good reason," my father said.62

"What?" I asked, sitting up and looking at him.63

"People like him are dangerous, Chelsea," my father told me calmly, as if this were a very simple thing. "He could hurt you."64

I couldn't believe it. My father had never expressed any views like this out loud, so I always assumed that he disagreed with my mom but didn't want conflict.65

"You agree with Mom?" I asked, my voice cracking.66

"He could hurt you," he repeated.67

"Not as much as you can," I said, turning back to the wall.68

"Honey, his people are bad people," my father tried to turn me back to him but I wouldn't let him. "They shouldn't even be here."69

"Don't talk to me," I whispered.70

"What?"71

"Don't talk to me!" I repeated angrily.72

"Honey, I only want you to be safe," Dad started.73

"Yeah right!" I turned back to him, wishing he would leave me alone. "Does that mean joining the KKK and shooting up every black person you see?!"74

"If that's what it takes," Dad said darkly. He stood up and walked towards the door. "If Jay calls, tell him that you can't see him anymore. Tell him if he comes, he will be in trouble."75

The door clicked like a gunshot, ringing in my head and keeping me awake until the sun rose.76

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~77

Three days passed. I had too many missed calls from Jay on my phone to count. I couldn't bring myself to answer and have to tell him that we were done.78

There was a bathroom connected to my room, so besides for meals I stayed in my room twenty-four hours a day.79

I tried to distract myself with books, sudoku, drawings, puzzles- anything. But the things my father had said were creeping up on me. I knew they were lies, but as I lay staring at nothing they seemed to sneak up on me.80

I knew being with Jay meant I'd have to never be with him again, but I wanted so badly to see him. I couldn't fathom being apart from him any longer. All I could think of were his eyes, and being in his arms once again. All I could do was stare straight ahead and wonder when that would be.81

Then on my fifth day of prison there came a knock at my window. I didn't even attempt to look, assuming that it was a retarded duck or the branch of the tree by my window. Then I heard the window slide open.82

"Chelsea?"83

I sat up and looked at the window, immediately recognizing his voice. Jay smiled at me and I felt myself smile back. Then I felt my smile fade and I laid back down.84

"Chelsea? What's wrong?"85

I pulled the blankets over my head, ignoring that I was already sweating. He pulled the blankets off me and I stared past him.86

"Chelsea, what did I do?" he asked, pulling me up. I curled up in a ball, resisting his embrace. "Is this about the last time we talked?"87

In a way it was, but not the way he was thinking.88

"I love you, Chelsea, never doubt that," Jay told me. "I was just surprised. I went home and stayed up all night thinking about you. I know I love you."89

I stared at his hands, my father's words echoing in my head. His hands were dark against my skin.90

"Chelsea, talk to me!"91

I stayed silent, feeling tears form as he let go of me and stood up.92

"Chelsea, you tell me you love me, and then you completely ignore me! Why are you doing this?!"93

"Because I love a bad thing."94

It was the first words I'd spoken since he came.95

"What?"96

"You could hurt me," I whispered, feeling tears leaking out.97

"Chelsea, I'd never hurt you," Jay said as if my words had stabbed him.98

"How do you know that?"99

"Because I'd rather hurt myself a thousand times than even think of hurting you once," he whispered.100

I shook my head, staring at my feet. I felt his arms come around me and I let him hold me this time.101

We stayed like that for hours, though I could have stayed like that forever. Then there was a knock at my door. Jay let go of me and I felt panic freeze my mind.102

"Hide," I whispered, not knowing what else to do.103

"Why?" he asked.104

"Just hide, or-" I started.105

The door opened. My dad stared at Jay, then looked at me, his eyes dark with fury.106

"Jay, get out of here as fast as you can," I whispered.107

"No, what will happen to you?" he hissed back.108

"Don't worry about me, just go!"109

"I don't like this, Chelsea, I'm not going to leave you in a place where you could get hurt!"110

"Get away from my daughter," my father said slowly.111

"Come with me," Jay breathed in my ear.112

"You have five seconds, or I'll get my gun," my father said.113

"I'll figure this out, just trust me," Jay told me softly, squeezing my hand. I knew I could.114

Jay stood up, not letting go of my hand.115

"Let go of her!" the man shouted, replacing my father.116

"No, sir, I think she's very at risk here," Jay said, pulling me up off my bed.117

"Honey, get my gun!" the man called. "Let her go."118

"No," Jay told him calmly, backing up.119

My mother came to stand next to the man and he took a pistol from her.120

"Let go or I'll shoot!" the man shouted.121

"I'm very sorry, Mr. Lewis, but this is for the good of your daughter," Jay said. Suddenly he pushed me out of my window and I fell, landing on my back.122

A shot cut through the pleasant afternoon air and Jay jumped out of the window, landing next to me, blood dripping from his arm.123

"Are you alright?" I asked as he grabbed me with his good arm and pulled me away, running down the street toward his truck.124

"Are you?" he asked me as he set me inside and jumped into the drivers seat, sticking the key in the ignition and turning it on. Even in his pain he looked at me, his dark eyes full of concern.125

"I'm fine," I said breathlessly.126

"Then I'm in heaven," he smiled and kissed me quickly before stepping on the gas and leaving my prison behind.127