18 till i die!!!

11.35am Naomi walked in ‘tattoo in’ she had waited long for this. She could officially take tattoo today. It was her 18th birthday. She was not 18 yet though. Getting her figures right it was about 7 hrs before she was 18. She waited at the counter. The lady at the table was on the phone. She was more of a punk covered with tattoos and dressed shabbily. She noticed the multicolored nails. Naomi looked around it had posters of some of her favorite bands. The room had a particular smell mixed with the stink of cigarettes. 5 min passed by. She kept her eyes fixed at the vintage clock in the room. 1

“Need a tattoo?” a guy of about 30 tapped her on her shoulder taking her by surprise. “Yea.” “So have you decided what you want?” “Yea I want an hawk and I want RIP written somewhere around it. You figure that out.” He gave her a stink eye and asked her to follow him in. She got her top off. She wanted it on her right shoulder. He cleared the spot and began with it. She sat motionless there with him using the instrument on her. ‘Its too late to apologize’ the song kept playing in her mind. The tattooist was surprised that she just sat there without making any movement or sound. Usually girls her age would make a fuss and keep moving. 12.50 pm she paid him for the job he had done. It looked spectacular. She asked someone in the room to take a picture of it through a phone and then she mailed it to her best friend and left. 2

1.10pm she got into the train. She had a long journey waiting for her. She had her iPod and diary stuffed in her bag. She sat at the seat near the window. ‘Its too late to apologize’ it played in her iPod. The scenery flashed by her as the train speeded. She thought of him and smiled then she remembered them and her smile faded. ‘Its too late to apologize’ she kept playing the same song over and over. 3

She opened her diary. 8/6/08 dear diary I’ve dreamt of this from 3 yrs but today I think it will end. They think I’m nothing but a burden. No one here will understand me here. Suddenly I can’t find any one I can tell this to. I think I need to find myself a job and get started. How long can they pay my bills? May be its not their fault. I’m sorry diary I couldn’t keep up my promise I made you. I will not become a writer now. I think I’ll just get a job like the rest and live a common life or make myself a new way. I cried today I sat under the shower for 1 whole hr and thought what I got to do. I will keep writing what comes next. ♥♥♥- Naomi4

‘Why do we sacrifice the beautiful ones’ she repeated as it played. She smiled again. She felt the raindrops on her face as the train speeded. Those memories flashed back. All the crying and cursing they were taking over her again. Adam had been a mistake and she hated herself for liking him. Wait did she like him NO it was a compromise. There had been only one boy she had ever loved. Ryan he was her only reason to smile. But now he was not with her. If she had told him how much she needed him. But she didn’t and he left. He never accepted that may be she loved him. All she knew that she needed him. The raindrops on her face were now mixed with tears that fell out. Those moments with him hit her hard. Those walks in the rains, the songs he sang her, the times he caught her hand, the hugs, the last hug, the last goodbye, his last touch. His images started blurring as she tried to control her tears. ‘Why do we sacrifice the beautiful ones’ played on.5

She switched to the song ‘way away’ she loved the way the acoustics of the song went. She sang along way away from here I’ll be. She opened her diary again. 10/6/08. Dear diary I remember how useless I have been. I was nothing but a burden to them. They had tried and been good to me. I returned it to them with my dirty lies and broken trust. Now they hate me. They know I’m not worth the money and love. I heard them talk today. I guess they hate me. I don’t know if I hate them more or do I hate myself more. I’ll be 18 soon. Then I’ll be all grown up. I know they expect me to do it all myself. I will diary. Now I’ll take things in my hand. I feel all alone. ♥♥♥- Naomi. 6

She remembered them. Somewhere deep down she still loved them. They were her parents after all. “Open delete open delete” she repeated. She was trying to clear her memories of them. She didn’t want to remember them where she was going. ‘Way away from here I’ll be’.7

‘Your own disaster’ began. The slow symphony of this song made her smile. But the lyrics it reminded her a lot more. ‘Forget me its that simple’ she had said that to all the few friends that had coped up with her till that day. But she didn’t leave without telling them to miss her. She would miss them. But the only way for them was to forget her. The words hit her ‘forget me its that simple’. 18/6/08 dear diary today I made sure that my friends were left back. I’m stepping a new door. I don’t want them to pull me back. So I’m leaving them here. ‘Forget me its that simple’ I told them. May be they will some day. ♥♥♥- Naomi8

4.25pm. She closed her diary and stepped out the train. She had reached there finally. 9

She found herself a phone both. She knew his number. She could never forget it. It rang once then twice and then thrice before he picked it up. “Hello” his voice gave her the chills. It had been long since she had heard him. “Hie! So how you doing?” he recognized her voice though it had been weeks since they had last spoken. “Naomi I missed you so much. Why didn’t you take my calls or call me. It’s been difficult without speaking to you. Did something happen? Where are you?” Naomi was happy she sensed the eagerness in his voice he had really missed her. “Ryan I’ve not had the best days but I’ve missed you too. I’m far from home today. I owe you this call. This is it Ryan. It ends today.” Ryan knew what she was talking about. “Wait Naomi this cant be it. Its your birthday.” She tried changing the topic “so guess what I got a tattoo done. I’ve mailed it to you. You’re the only one that gets to see it.” She kept quite. He didn’t speak either. A minute went by. He finally spoke “ you don’t have to do it.” She knew this was coming. “Ryan you promised me you wouldn’t stop me when I decide. And I promised you I would call you up. So I did.” “So then that’s it. I wont ever hear you again. I can go ahead and kill the last hope of us walking in the rains again.” Ryan sounded hurt. “No. I’m not going to leave you alone. I will be your guardian angel. I will always be with you as long as you remember me.” “Naomi…” he was losing his voice. They cried softly. They didn’t want each other to know it but they still knew it. “So Ryan guess I should hang up.” “If you want to. Naomi…I… I like u.” he couldn’t complete his statement well. She was happy to hear it “I like you too Ryan. Bye.” She hung up the phone. 10

She took a cab. This journey was not as easy as she thought. His voice was breaking her up. She wanted to be with him. But she thought this was the only way. 5.50pm. She was almost there. She got out of the cab and walked to the edge. ‘I tried to be perfect but nothing was worth it…I’m better off on my own’ she kept singing as she got closer to the edge. These valleys she hadn’t seen something so beautiful. Suddenly all her fright had gone away. ‘I’m better off on my own’. She sat at the edge. She pulled out her diary. It was their last moments together. 6.05pm she started ripping off the pages from the diary. She got up and flung them into the air. They all spread apart as they fell into the valley. Her life’s pages went down. She stood there motionless and watched them. She changed the song to a modern day myth by 30 seconds to mars. It had been her favorite song for a long time. Now she knew why. She sang along. 6.18pm she took steps backwards as the song was coming to an end. Then she turned back. Jared Leto screamed ‘GOODBYE GOODBYE GOODBYE GOODBYE’ she sang and ran toward the cliff and took one last step. She went down. She hit the ground before the pages of her diary reached there. The i pod had stopped and so did her heart. The alarm rang 6.20 pm. She was 18 now. She was born at this time. 18 years after at that very minute she took her last breath. 11

Her diary pages came down slowly. One last page was still free floating in the air. 24/6/08 dear diary tomorrow is the big day. I’ve got it all figured out. I take a tattoo, catch a train to the valleys, call Ryan and say goodbye, rip you apart and we both go down the valley together. HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY TO ME. ♥♥♥- Naomi