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Mostly, it’s the same. The amateur buys an electric guitar, he forms a band, and they practise endlessly in the garage into the small hours of the night, keeping the neighbours awake. They try to make it big by starting their careers in bars just waiting for their lucky break, and get nowhere until some of the band members are offered different paths to take, and the band breaks up.4 Robert, however, was truly committed.This is not the inspirational tale of a boy who made it big and became a man of fame and wealth, a man whose dreams had not mocked him but followed closely behind him. Robbie was the average boy. Average in height, average in weight, average in intelligence, and in school. 5
Robbie had discovered Guns’n’Roses not so long ago, and since then has aspired to become a rockstar. The rhythm, the lights, endless crowds of fans chanting out your name for more.67
Although he was not that talented, he was sure he would be, in time, and after all, all good things took time.89
Robbie had bought an electric guitar one day, and had gone solo, without a band, without a garage. His room was small, but big enough to compact his average dreams of becoming a rockstar, like so many other boys and girls.1011
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He’s waited for so long, but he got his guitar, and named it Kate.1415
Kate had a beautiful form, her curves locked in beween his arm and right leg perfectly, and the deep purple that coated her body assissted the lightly textured white in contrast.1617
Kate was a dream.1819
Some dreams come true.2021
Or so he thought.22 23
Opportunity seems to run away from him, and always has. Guitar lessons seemed to be useless. Robbie lacked inspiration since the recent loss of what he thought would be his first and only girlfriend. Usually loss inspires people. Usually loss inspires anger, remorse, sadness. But Robbie was numb, and unable to write lyrics to his numbness. Oh no, his ex-girlfriend is not dead, but she may as well be to him.2425
It was after Robbie’s grades had fallen that he decided to take action and study hard. To make a success of himself. Yes, Robbie was committed to music, but Robbie’s parents were committed to his future. Robbie was committed, yet his guitar sat in the corner, waiting to be plucked, gathering dust.2627
28 It seemed like years since Robbie had played his guitar, and indeed, it has been.Robbie has become a lawyer and lost his innocence, the naïve take on life that young people have, the inspiration, the dreams. For now, Robbie has goals – not dreams. 29
But the goals may be reached or remain unachieved. Dreams will go on forever, and once you are there, it will not suddenly disappear. You will just simply be living in your dream. And Robbie has dreams no more.3031
Though on occassion, he has nightmares, and on occassion only, he dreams of Kate.32 Now, Robbie awaits his demise. Wealthy with a woman at his side and two smart children, Robbie could not help but feel empty.His wife Janice sat beside him as he lay there, aged, and about to die. She held his hand and looked into his eyes despairingly as he whispered his very last word.Kate. 33
34 He loved Janice deeply, and he felt sorry that he could not tell her that she was his one and only love. His only other regret was that he could never again feel Kate’s smooth body against his, his fingers intertwined with her strings, and he would never again play her, and they would never again weep together in harmony, in sweet, pure ballad.Kate. 35
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Author notes
I had already entered this story, but when I did the paragraphs and other such formatiing didn't show up, and people had a hard time reading it.
So thank you to those who have pointed out that my paragraphs were missing.
A contest entry
- June New Member's Contest by SW Greeters.
175 points, ended July 3, 2008, 25 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Trophies for the Trophy-less by May Kingston.
175 points, ended May 24, 72 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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This is a pretty cool story with a really nice lesson at the end, though it is more of a stream of events than a story. Where is the dialogue? It seems a little too impersonal. Maybe if you added more description and went in to Robbie's everyday life a little more, it would have been better. Still, I kinda liked it. Thanks for entering!
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Life Story
The line "Though on occasion he has nightmares," for some reason, got me. I'm not just saying that; that line captured the essence of your story, how he transformed from one phase of life into a realer, darker phase, as though he were waking up from a beautiful dream into a black monday morning. Awesome. Keep it up.beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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Such a sad ending! There really does seem to be a tradeoff between dreams and success, sometimes. It's kind of a shame, actually. *sigh* At least he realized it at the end.
Nicely written - good luck!
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dreams are a fleeting desire. Some are realize and some aren't.
Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
Brooke
greeter -
A warmly sad story. Some dreams lost to goals gained. Seems that success is not always what it seems. I enjoyed reading your story. Best of luck in the contest.
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I don't know what to say... its very bittersweet, and I feel as if you've reflected the emotion well. Keep writing.
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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I didn’t read the first draft, but you do have paragraphs now
. So thanks for the rewrite.
The story moves along nicely, your narrator painted emotional pictures of Robbie as he moves through his successful life. He accomplished so much but to do so he set aside his dreams—how sad.
The writing flows smoothly and is easy to follow. I enjoyed this trip with your character and became saddened as he faced death longing for what would never be in this lifetime.
Welcome to SW and thank you for entering the contest and sharing this tale with us
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Geri
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Wow, this is really powerful. Growing up makes it so hard for your dreams to come true sometimes, and you reflected that very well in your writing. I felt sad for Robbie and, at the end, Janice... because she will never understand who or what her husband was really talking about.
The only things that seemed to jump out at me (besides the quality of this piece) are the numerous tense switches between present and future. It gets slightly confusing sometimes.
Thank you for sharing this with us; it was well written and enjoyable to read. Keep writing!
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Hi.
This definitely is easier to read and I got more from it the second time through. It seems that you added a little bit to the story, or maybe reading it through a second time makes it seem that way. Thanks for putting your story into paragraphs and thanks again for entering the New Members Contestt.
Andy
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