Rewrite

1

If I could rewrite my life, who would I be?2

3

Dawn stared at the empty notebook before her. Writing was her panacea for all the poisons in her life, all the things that got her down. Only when she had a pen in her hand did she truly feel whole.4

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If I could be anything, what would I change?6

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She could go back to her childhood and do all the things that she'd never tried. She could undo all the mistakes she made as a young woman. She could avoid getting pregnant in high school. She could go to college, graduate, be the sort of mother she'd always wanted to be.8

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I could erase all the struggles and hardship. My life could be simple.10

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Dawn lowered her pen to the paper, then changed her mind, setting it on the desk with a tired sigh. Though she had only just hit 40 years old, she felt as though she's been fighting through her life for a century.12

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But the struggle to live as best you can... isn't that what makes us human?14

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She had lived through some difficult times, trying to graduate from high school while raising her twins alone. But it was worth it, seeing her children graduate from college, get married and have children of their own.16

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What would I change? I could live a better life.18

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Dawn felt a tug on her sleeve. "Granny?" Her grandson, Jake's enormous brown eyes were bright, filled with the childlike vivacity and innocence that she missed. "Will you play with me?"20

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What could I change?22

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Dawn smiled and Jake beamed back at her. "Just a second, honey," she said. She stood, taking Jake's chubby hand in hers.24

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I wouldn't change this... not for the world.26

Author notes

This was a sort of spur-of-the-moment thing... I just started writing and this is what came out. Tell me what you think of it.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • IrishYndina Greeters member
    July 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is both sweet and thought-provoking. I like the format, with the question and contemplation batting back and forth. For being a spur of the moment piece, this came out very well. I love the ending - really great. Welcome to the site and good luck!


  • tallblondie gold member
    July 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A very nice contemplative piece. I liked how you started with the negative of her life - that she started her thoughts in a regretful mood, but as she considered what she had as a result of those negative things, she found that she wouldn't change a thing - the mood became more upbeat and positive.

    Nicely written using just enough words to convey meaning and emotion.

    Good luck in the contest.


  • SageSyren Greeters member
    July 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I would love to go back to just before I was twelve and change things. But then again I wouldn't be the person I am today or know the ppl I know.

    Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
    Brooke
    greeter


  • Violet Moodswing Greeters member
    June 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very nice. I think your story strikes a chord that many can relate to. When it comes right down to it there are always people in our lives that result from things we might consider changing, but generally wouldnt. I enjoyed the read

    Best of luck in the contest.


  • dreaminghour
    June 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Nice. Short sweet and well written.

    I got the feeling, as I read this, that the narrator got older, slowly we narrowed into her age, she had children, her children had college and their own children. Nice effect.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.


  • gerifitzsimmons Greeters member
    June 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Don’t apologize for spur of the moment writing if you can jot down something like what you have here .

    The ideas behind the story, the emotions involved and the lessons to learn, are perfectly done.

    This forty-year-old lady has regrets about her choices, which I suppose we all do . But when she contemplates what she would have lost in her life if she’d made different choices, she realizes how costly changing her life will be.

    You are a talented writer. Welcome to SW and thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.

    Geri

    Greeter


  • Andy Stephenson gold member
    June 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Very Good!

    I thought that this was very good for such a short write. It really seems complete. Although you could make it longer and more in depth, it isn't necessary. You convey the idea well. She wouldn't trade what she has for what she might have had. It's too bad everyone can't feel that way.

    This seems pretty well written and I enjoyed reading it.

    Thanks for entering the new members contest. Welcome to Storywrite.

    Andy

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