A SILLY TALE1
Finster, an ineffable, jackanapes of a fopdoodle, given to fandangle and flapdoodle, was, as his lovely labrose and mammiferous spouse discerned, more or less acerebral. That is, he had no brain. And although this evaluation of his character, talents and capabilities was somewhat hyperbolic, it was quite apparent that the most basic thinking for Finster was nothing short of lucubration; a monumental effort. He never got past the dedication of any book.2
Meanwhile, fatigued and ill from continuous inhalation of the toxic and miasmic fumes of Finster’s crepitating mundungus, as well as the vapors and effluvium resulting from his alliaceous proclivities, Finster’s little pigsney, in utter desperation, took it in mind to conclusively rid herself of her limaceous and oleaginous mate.3
So, one afternoon, with great equanimity and ataraxia, Hilda (for that was her appellation) approached old Finster as he was nepheligenously emitting noxious clouds from his trusty, torrid, pipe. Wallowing in his usual state of semi-comatose nescience, Finster paid little mind to the approaching Hilda, as he persisted in his typical gongoozling, although at nothing in particular. Then, just as he took another swig of milk (his characteristic galactophagous habit) and a bite of roasted garlic clove, Hilly, (her sobriquet) waxing quite cacophemistic, yelled venomously: “take this, you greasy, stinking, slob!” She whacked his brainless skull with a rolling pin, and, being quite nearby the always open window, defenestrated old Finster. Hilda then helped herself to a calefacient and a little aspic. 4
Well, that’s the bunkum; the canard. And Finster? There was no anabiosis. He merely remained forever after… in a happy state of nullibiety. 5
Author notes
The language can be fun. That was the point. I didn't mean to sound pretentious or affected...kiddies! HEY!!! (Ok?)
This has been an event...by Gary Alexander!
A contest entry
- Oh So Twisted... by Naive..
425 points, ended July 15, 2008, 49 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Quick Quickies: Humour by tallblondie.
210 points, ended July 8, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Nonsense! by jessicakristine.
165 points, ended August 8, 2008, 21 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Show off your talent X3 by xXSnickiesXx.
600 points, ended January 16, 101 entries
Honorable mention
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1000 points, ended January 24, 16 entries
Honorable mention
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125 points, ended January 21, 18 entries
Gold trophy winner
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200 points, ended March 21, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Ye Olde English by JessieH.
106 points, ended March 30, 3 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Cheer me up, please? by moonwriter.
450 points, ended April 26, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I do it for teh Lulz!!!11! by Mag the Chodja.
600 points, ended May 26, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Funniest Thing I've Ever Read by Jason Pulcher.
130 points, ended August 4, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anything by StrawberryPrincess.
175 points, ended October 4, 13 entries
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450 points, ends November 20, 41 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Make me LAUGH by XxSceneTristanxX.
100 points, ended October 18, 12 entries
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150 points, ends November 12, 33 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
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Okay that was freaking awesome, especially since I understood most of the words. ^_^ Labrose and cacophemistic were the only ones i didn't know
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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Gees as soon as I started to read this I had to go get the dictionary! XD Very well written and incredibly clever! You obviously thought it through quite well and you must have one of the largest vocabularies in the world!
I was laughing!
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ROFL. Even though I barely understood it, I loved the way you used all the words like that.
Wow!....How old are you? xD
Good job and Good Luck!
~Tristan xoxo -
ummmmm.....hold up, let me get a dictionary. Thanks for entering!!!!!
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So many great words! The story almost funny entirely because of the sounds. Yet I didn't feel it was super crazy. Just a fun read, really.
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lolololololololololololololol! It's really not bad.. that's the problem. This is ingenius! Ah well.. i have plenty of time to pick finalists.
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I'm not really sure I liked it or not. When I asked for fancy words, I didn't mean that fancy. I couldn't even finish reading it because it was so hard to understand.
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hahahahahahahah!!!
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Wow man, this is so unique. I am greatly reminded of Jaberwocky by Lewis Carroll... which, if I do say so my myself, is a compliment.
My mind, not knowing how to relate the words, was creating all sorts of images and I almost felt like a kid again, with one hell of a wild imagination... I like this a lot.
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I thought this was very clever and a little tongue twisting:-)
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Wow I don't know if you just beat this write with a thesuarus or a Dr. Suess book. . . . either way it was weirdly awesome!!!! =)
-Katie
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lol very very good, though I do have to wonder how much the thesaurus got worn out on this one.
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Didn't understand most of the vocabulary, but I love the way the random words stream together in somewhat of a rhythm. Cool concept - I liked it even though it barely made sense.
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If i knwe what half the words meanr..
It would brobably be very interesting. -
This would make...
...a great physical challenge to stand up and read out during drinks in the pub with mates. The loser who can't read it out correctly would of course, have to drink more and the person who doesn't understand every single word would have to join them. Yup, pass me my shot...
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haha funny
I didn't get some of it but I did if you know what I mean. 
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Gah! lol.
I didn't understand, like, 92% of the words, but i still got the basic message; utter hilarity!
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-cries in a corner- *sniff* i didn't get it.
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lol haha that was funny! lol i didnt have a dictionary on hand so i just guessed! fat luck i had! lol!!!!!!!!! great write!
CreaterSk8er
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Certainly the best thing that's been entered into the contest thus far. Good job.
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Ummmmmmmmmmm well honestly didn't got a word of it. I hate using dictionary in each and every line. I read only some part of it and stopped coz my brain started to scream with fury
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Exellent writting,
I love the way you have formatted ad made your writting flow. Some pieces on this site dont flow and i can say urs works expectationlessy well done and i loved it and would definitly read the next chapter or whatever if there is one???
Good job
HSM -
I read this and looked up every word
it all was very interesting IT was brilliantly written, and I love the rhythm. Good job.
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An event indeed
Well written, with a fair share of parts I couldn't grasp at all =p But in the end, very likeable and well written ;D
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Blew my mind
That seriously made me wanna take out my Merriam-Webster, look up the words I didn't understand (which was all of them) AND THEN BURN IT.
This blew my mind... I... I Think I love you.
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Big words
Haha now I feel stupid.
Heh. Good job and good luck!
~Kaitie -
Sounds like someone had a little too much fun using the dictionary!
I read it all but can't say I actually understood much. -
I just couldn't read it!
My...Brain...Hurts. Those were BIG words! I got the topic of the story, but I didn't understand it. Sorry!
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lol
Reminded me of Ogden Nash - did you swallow a dictionary? Now I have to go and look up the lexicon myself... -
Ahahahahahahahahahahaha omg lol, my brian is so god damn puzzled it's insane!!! I really think I learnt some new words lol, my vocab just doubled lol. A great...story....lol
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Did u write thid with ur dictionary open? lol
-Carina -
Well, it made me smile
It's good to flex the old vocabulary muscles every now and then.
What does it achieve?
Well, nothing really.
In conclusion, I applaud wholeheartedly.
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xDDDD
Just...wow. xD
Fantastic vocabulary and interesting storyline. I didn't know that killing one's husband could be so intelligent.
It's about halfway below the minimum I instated for my contest, but being that half of this is vernacular that I must look up in the near future, I will let it slide. xD
Good job on this, and good luck in the contest. ^^
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I have no words to express how confused and enamored I am with this piece. Spectacular job with the vocabulary and everything, but this wasn't the kind of story I was looking for in my contest. Sorry about that . You still deserve the applause though. Fantastic job, just not my cup of tea.
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I was laughing out loud the whole time because I only under stood 1/100 of the words... lol. Funny!!!
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I started to read this a couple times before and even with the dictionary didn't get past the first sentence simply because the alliteration didn't catch my interest. I forced my way through it this time and found the first sentence was the oddest sounding and I actually could make it through the rest without much use of the dictionary.
I kind of think you should have went with "vapors" instead of clouds, clouds is such a simple word in p4.
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Oooo, I didn't understand any of these words...lol. Good job though.
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When I first saw this, I said to myself, "No way this can be ten sentences". And yet...it came pretty dang close! xD Yus, I got reacquainted with my dictionary, that's for sure. The sentences are, of course, a little long, but you told a whole story here, and an amusing one that that. Very enjoyable!
Thanks for entering, and good luck!
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great little short, humorous tale here. The vocabulary was well done and added a nice touch to the humor. I enjoyed the read- it was entertaining and interesting... although, its now made me a feel a little ignorant. There were actually a couple words in this that I had to look up.
Anyways, good write here.
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Wow... I am bamboozled and tarbanoodled, as well as corcankerously befuzzled. That means, "What an interesting tale! Mad props."
language: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5.
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looks like you memorized an out of date thesaurus
great job -
THANKS FOR ENLIGHTENING YOUR READERS...!!!
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ok
that was cool
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I honestly have to say, that was the best short story I have ever read! I LOVE the extensive vocabulary you used. It is so fun and different. Sometime I try to talk like that (almost) because It's fun and it bothers people when they don't understand. PHENOMENAL JOB!
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This is funny because it tells the story like a dictionary. And most people could make sense of it if they took out a dictionary. But I found this very hilarious and completely original. (:
Well done
Good luck in the contest(: -
Lol
Loved it
Big words make me
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I love big words!!! I am 12 and I got a little bit of it, but that's okay...I love how if you just used boring, "dead" words, the story would be really boring, but because you used big words, it made the story interesting and silly...I read a saying that said: "Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice." Lol-sometimes it's fun to go against that and just use big words just because you can.
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Joy, joy joy. There is nothing wrong with a bit of pretentiousness when used for humour or education for what are our minds for if not lexical peregrination. You managed to create a rhythmic piece that was two parts poetic and two parts mind expanding. I enjoyed my daily does and for that I am eternally indebted to your cause!
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This was quite funny and of course random, but however was not what I was looking for in my contest.
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Do you provide a dicitionary?
Wonderful, funny read, but its definitely a foreign language.
A nice bit of fun.
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HAHA I could understand this--sorta. It reminds me of a story I did a long time ago written nearly entirely with A letter words. I hit the thesaurus pretty hard. lol this was good.
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this was very interesting to read. Thanks for entering it into my contest.
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Lol. I feel a little silly; I had to go over it more than once to gather all the details, but this is a hilarious write. Nicely done! As always, another great write.
Keep up the great work. -
I feel stupid now... I had to read it twice to pick it all up... Grrr... awesomely funny though, nice job with the 3 4 and 5 syllable words ^^, oh and I love the word hyperbolic that was used XD
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I kinda made sense of it. I love complicated words.
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I'm 13 and I understood it, shesh!!!
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The first sentance was enough to maske me laugh!
It sort of reminded me of like Dr. Suess or something...SUPER FUNNY! thanks for your entry..and say hello to the finalists! -
I'm 13 and I understood it. Gah, I hate it when people go all "I'm 13 so I don't need to bother having a vocabulary" and all that. Anyway, moving swiftly on;
I liked the story. I like the way the actual meaning of it isn't immediately apparent. BTW, the story is about a woman, Hilda,whowas sick of her husband's brainless stupidity and tobacco addiction and so took it upon herself to murder him with a rolling pin. Simple. -
um............. um.................... since i am only 13 this made no sense to me i know i could have gotten a dictionary but then i would love my spot and well i only really made sense of a 1/4 of it
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It was devine,foolproof,Sui generis.I felt rapture when I deciphered it.I gratitude it.Thank you
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This was hilarious to read, even without a dictionary. Just because I didn't know what they meant didn't make words like "flapdoodle" and "nepheligenously" any less funny-sounding. Actually, I still couldn't find nepheligenous in the dictionary when I reread it with one, so that one stumped me. But it still cracked me up when I read it again, figuring out what (most of) the words meant. This is something I really would not suggest for the logophobic. Great job :3
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haha i got lost withen the first sentence lol
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and an eminent caveat
for the alliaphile, alas!
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A lugubrious denoument
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Is it sad if I made sense of it...without a dictionary?
Hahahaha I loved this, you don't see much like it but it had everything, big words, comedy, an engaging plot (sure....) excellent effort
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Great!
It was amusing, witty, and quite obviously: Intelligent! I applaud you for your use of commonly overlooked words.
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"meanwhile, fatigued and ill from continuous inhalation of the toxic and miasmic fumes of Finster's crepitating mundungus,"
That part made me laugh out loud. I think it was the combination of meanwhile, and mundungus. : -
very. . . . .interesting, to say the least.
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@ . @ .....this feeling I have....it feels like I'm doing a really tricky physics question. I'm totally bamboozled.
*opens another internet window to www.thefreedictionary.com*
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Really random lol but funny nonetheless
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This was probably the wrong tme of ight to be reading this. Just before Going off to bed. I think I shall have to give it another read with a great big dictionary tomorrow and see if I can't untangle my poor brain that got lost somewhere between Finster and nullibiety. I guess this is probably the first time I have run across a poem that I did not quite understand, except for the fact theat the gentleman in question was probably as frazzled as I was. Anyway I shall bookmark this for further investigation and get back to you after my labotomy. (I probably spelt that wrong) lol!!!!!!!!!!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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hahahahahah
Dear Gary, (my pigsney)
I have said this before…you are very clever…
In my proclivity for obstinacy and nescience, it took me about 2 hours of lucubration to look up every word that I didn’t know. Then, I even looked up the words I did know because I, hyperbolic as usual, got so torridly frazzled and wanted to defenestrate myself. Of course, other people would prefer to be ataraxia or, better yet, remain in their nullibiety, but I like these word games.
Thank you. My vocabulary is now 33 words larger.
Your Flop-doodle,
CN (my sobriquet)
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XD LOL I didn't use a dictionary, so I only half understood it XD
-Maru Maru -
lol i have no idea what this is about
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Did You Ever THINK to...
Use a dictionary?
Use your mind to decipher what little there was to decipher in this story? Or...don't you care to learn anything? apparently the latter is the case.
Sorry.
GA
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What the heck?
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BIG WORDS!!!!!!!!!!!!
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WTH
ok first of all this has to be the weirdest tale I've ever read.
Second half the words I didn't know so I hav to giv u props because I thought I knew every word someone could use that didn't merely exist to play scrabble with. Obviously I have a lot more to learn.beginning: 3, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 2.
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LOL this is hilarious and random! Good luck in all your contests!
Peace out,
Rosie
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OMG, this gave me a headache,
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lol yeah me too
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Luciferous Logolepsy
Gary,
The omission of clappies was an oversight. Please forgive me. Fat fingers sometimes mis-key. Well deserved Clappies included!!
Apologies and I must resort to my Unabridged dictionary. I did look for the first few words in Merriam-Webster, but they were not there. I will make sure I look up and apply all of the word in your story.
The fact that all the words are legit only adds to the quality of your story for me.
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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Silly and fun. I had the most fun with he made up words. I was able to make poor old Finster do some pretty remarkable things. Thanks for the silly, funny read!
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That was really funny! I loved it!
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So, hillarious!
This is a great story. I really liked it. I didn't quite get it but i understoo the gist of it.
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THAT WAS TOTALLY WICKED I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND A BIT BUT STILL THAT WAS AWESOME
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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hahahai understood absolutly nothing
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While I didn't understand every word you used, it was entirely possible to know what was happening and at the same time have fun with how silly it really is Nice one, you make me smile.
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*picks up a dictionary* Boy, I never knew the english language was so humongeous! Keep it up and remember that if anyone insults you they are probably just jealous of your vocabulary. Keep writing!
-kiwi -
Nice..................
But I didn't understand one word you said--I'm not even going to pretend. I need to start reading the dictionary more. LOL=)=)
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I don't know why this was so funny
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THE WHYS and WHEREFORES
This was funny because WORDS can be funny...
The absurdity of the story is funny...
The Characters are funny...because they appear and do silly things
The tale is funny because it is silly
It is silly because it does not fit into the expected, rational, sane mold of experience (as we know, love and embrace it)
The story is also funny because WHEN YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS...and THE MEANINGS THEY CONVEY...WHEN THE EPIPHANY STRIKES...the relief...and the knowledge and understanding of your perspicacity and intellect...and the realization that YOU MAY NOT, AFTERALL, BE ACEREBRAL...generates a certain giddiness!
And THAT, R, et al, are a few of the reasons this tale is...
FUNNY!
Now, Have a CALMING CALIFACIENT.
Anabiotically yours,
GA
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Nice choice of words there, buddy~!
I was like laughing... I don't know why though..
Nice job~!
PS: I like the picture~desu! -
Meh. Doesn't make sense, just like I wanted! yEAH!
Good luck!!
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this is so... should i say... cute? lol i actually laughed
and the picture provides something of a laugh too lol. words are fun.
i just never imagined the dicionary could partake in it!
hehe, great job! -
DICTIONARY? Where is it? I'm sure its around here somewhere.
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Nonsense? DICTIONARY!
I don't know about you, but is this plain nonsense? I couldn't really understand what was going on. Thats not a bad thing, in fact its quite good. Loving Nonsense! I'd need a dictionary to read this kinda story! -
Wow, Quite the little story there. I do believe teachers I had growing up would say that you do love your million dollar words.
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