A SILLY TALE1
Finster, an ineffable, jackanapes of a fopdoodle, given to fandangle and flapdoodle, was, as his lovely labrose and mammiferous spouse discerned, more or less acerebral. That is, he had no brain. And although this evaluation of his character, talents and capabilities was somewhat hyperbolic, it was quite apparent that the most basic thinking for Finster was nothing short of lucubration; a monumental effort. He never got past the dedication of any book.2
Meanwhile, fatigued and ill from continuous inhalation of the toxic and miasmic fumes of Finster’s crepitating mundungus, as well as the vapors and effluvium resulting from his alliaceous proclivities, Finster’s little pigsney, in utter desperation, took it in mind to conclusively rid herself of her limaceous and oleaginous mate.3
So, one afternoon, with great equanimity and ataraxia, Hilda (for that was her appellation) approached old Finster as he was nepheligenously emitting noxious clouds from his trusty, torrid, pipe. Wallowing in his usual state of semi-comatose nescience, Finster paid little mind to the approaching Hilda, as he persisted in his typical gongoozling, although at nothing in particular. Then, just as he took another swig of milk (his characteristic galactophagous habit) and a bite of roasted garlic clove, Hilly, (her sobriquet) waxing quite cacophemistic, yelled venomously: “take this, you greasy, stinking, slob!” She whacked his brainless skull with a rolling pin, and, being quite nearby the always open window, defenestrated old Finster. Hilda then helped herself to a calefacient and a little aspic. 4
Well, that’s the bunkum; the canard. And Finster? There was no anabiosis. He merely remained forever after… in a happy state of nullibiety. 5
Author notes
The language can be fun. That was the point. I didn't mean to sound pretentious or affected...kiddies! HEY!!! (Ok?)
This has been an event...by Gary Alexander!
A contest entry
- Oh So Twisted... by Naive..
425 points, ended July 15, 56 entries
Honorable winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Quick Quickies: Humour by tallblondie.
210 points, ended July 8, 14 entries
Honorable winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Nonsense! by jessicakristine.
165 points, ended August 8, 23 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Little funny stories by capitallights.
100 points, ended August 19, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Show off your talent X3 by xSuicidalSuperstarx.
600 points, ends December 3, 113 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Imagination by MidniteRockers.
370 points, ends December 6, 113 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Randomly Randomness by ToxicXxXTomatoes.
140 points, ended November 15, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 77 of 77
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That was really funny! I loved it!
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So, hillarious!
This is a great story. I really liked it. I didn't quite get it but i understoo the gist of it.
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THAT WAS TOTALLY WICKED I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND A BIT BUT STILL THAT WAS AWESOME
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hahahai understood absolutly nothing
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While I didn't understand every word you used, it was entirely possible to know what was happening and at the same time have fun with how silly it really is Nice one, you make me smile.
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*picks up a dictionary* Boy, I never knew the english language was so humongeous! Keep it up and remember that if anyone insults you they are probably just jealous of your vocabulary. Keep writing!
-kiwi -
Nice..................
But I didn't understand one word you said--I'm not even going to pretend. I need to start reading the dictionary more. LOL=)=)
. Rewarded 4
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I don't know why this was so funny
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THE WHYS and WHEREFORES
This was funny because WORDS can be funny...
The absurdity of the story is funny...
The Characters are funny...because they appear and do silly things
The tale is funny because it is silly
It is silly because it does not fit into the expected, rational, sane mold of experience (as we know, love and embrace it)
The story is also funny because WHEN YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS...and THE MEANINGS THEY CONVEY...WHEN THE EPIPHANY STRIKES...the relief...and the knowledge and understanding of your perspicacity and intellect...and the realization that YOU MAY NOT, AFTERALL, BE ACEREBRAL...generates a certain giddiness!
And THAT, R, et al, are a few of the reasons this tale is...
FUNNY!
Now, Have a CALMING CALIFACIENT.
Anabiotically yours,
GA
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Nice choice of words there, buddy~!
I was like laughing... I don't know why though..
Nice job~!
PS: I like the picture~desu!. Rewarded 4
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Meh. Doesn't make sense, just like I wanted! yEAH!
Good luck!!
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this is so... should i say... cute? lol i actually laughed
and the picture provides something of a laugh too lol. words are fun.
i just never imagined the dicionary could partake in it!
hehe, great job! -
DICTIONARY? Where is it? I'm sure its around here somewhere.
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Nonsense? DICTIONARY!
I don't know about you, but is this plain nonsense? I couldn't really understand what was going on. Thats not a bad thing, in fact its quite good. Loving Nonsense! I'd need a dictionary to read this kinda story! -
Wow, Quite the little story there. I do believe teachers I had growing up would say that you do love your million dollar words.
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i understood nuthin wahahhahah
its like readin a new language lmao -
I...wow...oh my...
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haha... Bravo, sir, bravo. I almost wish you hadn't included the few explanatory clauses that clarified some of the nattering nonsense; but had you excluded them, I suppose the story would have been even less, er, comprehensible--as it was, it sent me to the dictionary a couple times, which rarely happens even in the most grandiloquent circumstances.
In sum, Good Bloody Job.
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I really wish I didn't have to say this: I didn't find this in any way, shape or form... funny. I know it's a joke, and the long, pretentious words aren't meant in seriousness, but because it was so laborious and difficult to understand, even the fart jokes lost their charm.
Sorry - I actually feel really bad for writing this. In fact, I even think this story COULD be funny, if you expanded it a little bit and watered down the ridiculous language. As it is, I couldn't understand most of it (making your reader feel stupid is rarely a good move) and the story was so short that once I grasped the meaning it just felt... pointless.
I've read other things by you and loved them, which is probably why I felt so disappointed by this. -
Heh.
I giggled several times.
Flowery, ridiculous language never fails to make me smile. ^^
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i gotta say, that made me smile. that was fun to read, though with out the dictionary I had no idea what you were talking about. I still dont, but that's okay because it was enjoyable. good job, and good luck!
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hahaha this is a wicked little story!! well done!
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COOL
that is really cool! -
:3
Never have I ever had to pull a dictionary from the shelf for a story...
This really does tease your brain which is why I adored it...
It was, in a word, Excellent.
Even with a dictionary, It left me baffled...
I love brain teasers, this, however, was one of the roughest on my brain.. I threw the dictionary in confusion...
I must say, that this was enjoyable, no matter how confused I got, it was kinda funny to hear all the new words, and it was just amazing how you could think of all these words to put in and know what they all mean..
Way to go,
Best of luck♥
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YOU DO INDEED HAVE A WAY WITH WORDS!
Mundungus? Wow! In Spanish we use the word "mondongo" to denote beef tripe or indeed any kind of entrails, so for a moment there I thought that the phrase "the toxic and miasmic fumes of Finster’s crepitating mundungus" was a description of the gaseous discharge product of his intestinal distress! However, I looked it up and discovered something quite different.
The phrase "the vapors and effluvium resulting from his alliaceous proclivities" is by far the best description of bad breath due to love of garlic that I have ever read!
But calling the victim Finster (la finestra in Italian; la fenetre in French and das Fenster in German) and having his wife defenestrate him was absolutely uproarious!!!
Thank you!
Anaya
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Amazing! I think i didnt know at least half of it...
Had to keep checking the dictionary!
But, nice!^^ -
i have absolutely no idea what i just read haha. good imagination!
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I think I just read in another language..LOL. I know that it's meant to be humorous but I couldn't follow it with all the big words. And I know that the big words are meant to be there to add to it. I guess I'm just dumb..Thanks for entering the contest though!
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Wow thanks for making me feel like all these years of learning to read were a waste, you were defintley right about needing a dictionary. After reading this really made me realize how limited my vocabulary is. So thank you, I now have words I could use to stump the people in my hometown with
Kudos for writing this!
and of course clappys! (Im so generous XD!)
Miranda
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that definately does expand ones vocabulary! kutos to you for making a native born american unable to read its own language.
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Amazing
Oh my. This was wonderful. Such an amazing show of origniality and inventiveness. I loved it. It made me giggle and I love the way you have pulled it together. It must have taken you a while to do, and very well done with the effort.
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Ahh, elatedness. I love big words! He was limaceous AND oleaginous? No wonder she killed him.
But um, isn't wacked supposed to be whacked, there, in P4?
I love that the hugeness of the words seem to make the story last longer than it really does! It's really a simple story, and a very amusing one, when my brain gets done translating. Thanks for sharing! I loved it.
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The Case...of the missing "H"
Absolutely! Kudos (or Khudos) to you Valkyrie...proving once again, even the architect (architecht) of such multi-syllabic creations can drop an "H" here (ere) and there! It's not just the English! Thank you. Consider me duly wHacked!
GA
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hahaha
in paragraph 4, there is this word: Ataraxia, that attracts my special attention.
you see, there was this band competition where my band competed against these little kids whose band's name was Ataraxia.
they pretty much sucked, but somehow they won 1st place and a trip to Japan. don't ask me how.
nice story, by the way! poor old man, being defenestrated like that!
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Wow...I'm starting to think I'm stupid....
HAHA!
Was great though...I don't think I'll use half of those words any time soon =]
GAWSH! Why does the English language have so many words! XD
This did make me smile though ... hehe =]
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Oh dear god....I need a dictionary!!!!! O_e
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I think its sad that I knew all of those words...
I need to get out more. -
wow! great job! My brain is a tangled mess but I'm really impressed. It's definately original and cracked me up. It's a really simple plot but all those words made in so inexpressibly amazing. I wish I had that kind of time on my hands!
Good luck in my contest. :] -
Great story, I understood the simple plot, and enjoyed the new words. I'll be sure to look them up later.
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Well, I smiled the entire time I was reading. =] Funny, funny, funny. I enjoyed this for many reasons. I shall list them.
1. This was twisted in more than two ways, in my opinion. Hilda basically murdered her husband--twisted way number one. This was written abnormally and in such a way that essentially made me laugh about a murder--twisted way number two. =D
2. Rather than being very confused, I'm incredibly interested by those huge words. I plan on looking them all up. That may be pathetic, but hey, I'm curious. ^_^
3. The picture made me giggle.
4. You wrote this very, very well.
Thank you for this unique entry that I surely won't forget. Good luck!
-jj
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Forgot something!
Hehehe I forgot to say...I love that picture. I also forgot your applause and ratings....
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I don't even think I HAVE these words in my dictionary. Though the story was entertaining, I'm afraid to have to disqualify you. The use of big words does not qualify as a different language, I'm afraid. Sorry!
The story was hilarious though!
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-Searches Wildly for Dictionary-
How the heck do you know what your saying? I mean seriously! This is amazing and I understood the gist of it but...WOW that a lot of big words! -
Eeep!
I think my brain just exploded...
This was quite funny, and i do love the picture.
Although the story overall was rather clear, i understood very few of the words.
I think ill follow what everyone else is doing and grab a dictionary.
TO THE BOOKSHELF!
Yrs.
Azaradelle.
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Lmfao the first few words made me crack up. Idk why. I haven't read it yet but I will be reading it with a dictionary. Then I will tell you all what i think about it.
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Either you have been 'editing' Hilly to Hilda - or Dog forbid! I got it wrong, calling her 'Hilly.' Getting a little pedantic aren't we GA? Hmm?
I'm coming to GETCHA! One day.*sob*
Lis. -
ummm.
Frankly speaking, I don't understand a word of it.
what are you trying to say?
The first line got me tangled up.
I had to blink several times before I realized that this was the way you wrote it. Not some effect of my eyes.
Why don't you repost it in...um...'easy' English.
You know, our type.
This is so confusing.
Oh my God! I am supposed to be the best at English (in my class at least) but this will put me out of business.
great!
Please, post it in simple English, I wanna read your story.
Keep on posting! But next time it should be understandable.
lolz!
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*Looks, blinks twice, looks again, then blinks some more and wipes eyes*
Gary... I, uh, hmm... I'm confused. Lol. I have the gist of the story: brainless monkey gets hits by woman on head with rolling pin. But I don't understand these words! Lol.
I couldn't find some of them in my dictionary, I'm wondering if some are Seuss-like, and I feel like the person that's being thrown out of the window above! Lol.
ALTHOUGH, I did get some of the words (rather useful words too).
Thanks for this, Gary. Though I may be banging my head against the wall later.
PS: What does "defenestration" mean?
(Please forgive me if I sound completely uneducated.)
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I'd be happy to comment if you repost this in English. Thanks. Haha just kidding! Now I see why you recommended the dictionary. (= Funny!
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Great picture, says it all!
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Well,
It is a funny story, but far more work than it was worth. Those words that were not at Rhymezone.com, I did not pursue. Those that I did find are not likely to be useful, although they were somewhat interesting. My goal when I write is to be understood. This is definitely difficult to understand fully, even though the storyline is very simple. I didn't like the work. I prefer my humor easy to digest
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Andy -
Running for the dictionary
Your story was artfully put together using words. Just like an abstract painting I didn't quite understand it all, but appreciated the use of the pigments.
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Pretty good.
Who did the art? I got the impression he was killed by some of the comments. The picture helps.
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Parens...or No parens! THAT is the question!
Did you mean: ..."got the impression he was killed (by some of the comments)..." or:
"got the impression he was killed by some of the comments!" Lol!
If anyone is going to get "killed" by some of the comments around here...it's going to be me!
G -
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Hmm.
I didn't really think the comments killed him, but it does seem that I'm having a bit of fun poked at me in the comments. I'll get even
We may both die laughing.
Andy
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Oh wow. Gary, that's.... Hilarious! Thanks for the message and the laugh!
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MWAHAAHAHA! You make me happy because you stumped Andy Stephenson.
I loved this, even though I didn't understand "sobriquet" or "calefacient" from the context clues. I love new words. I think my favorite here is "mammiferous," which I have a good idea of what it is without defining ^_^. Your story reminds me a lot of "the Twits" by Roald Dahl, my favorite grumpy-old-people story. Can I give you ten cool points?
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I am only temporarily stumped.
I intend to master the words. When I started it, I didn't realise that the words were defined in text. I still intend to read this, when I'm am not so tired. I also intend to look up each new word which is my habit. There are a lot of new words for me in this. I'm am glad that you were able to note that the definitions are explained in the text. Having stopped on the first two words requiring a dictionary, I didn't. I understand that now, but I will finish it and understand it well, because I promised. However, I hope it is funny to me when all is said and done.
Andy
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This was great it was different as well because I never read like it.
You used loads of long words that caught my eye... honestly I tired hard to understand them and two of them I looked it up on the dictionary
I think thats good.
Great Read!
-Missi
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Wow lol.. this was odd xD
I think it's amazing how you used so many difficult words, I wish I could do that. Though I knew some of them, most were pretty unknown to me!
I like the idea a lot though, it's really original. To me, anyway. But it is a bit too much work for me, I don't exactly have a dictionary next to me, though I could use dictionary.com.
But I got the story and the poor man
All he did was have no brain xD
THanks for entering and sharing this odd and unique experience!
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Hmm.
It is short, but it is going to take a dictionary about every tenth word or so. Is it funny? Looks like more work than I want to do.
Sorry, I tried, but I can't do this. It's too much for me right now. I looked up two and I couldn't remember the definition of the first word and link the two words together. Just call me dumb and easily frustrated. I might try this again later when I'm not so tired.
Andy
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Funny. Thanks for the vocab lesson, the last word was my favorite. This is a very sad story though. The guy didn't deserve to go out like that, just because he was acerebral, smelly and oily! There's always scented bubble bath, nicotine gum, and if all else fails, divorce. Hilly's going to need an excellent lawyer. Good grief!
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To the Furry Mallig
Ah, yes! Nullibiety! The state of nothingness...being nowhere! Calls to mind J.P. Sartre..."Life is merely a rude interruption in an otherwise pleasant state of nothingness" (Had he been really worth his salt he would have said: "otherwise pleasant state of nullibiety!") This, of course, is something one suffering from terminal nescience would have absolutely no knowledge of!
Thanks,
GA
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You sound exactly like my first English professor, except that his vocabulary was over-elaborated past being humorous and into being ridiculous.
I must admit that I ran across a few words with which I was unfamiliar, but you left enough context clues that the story was still understandable! I kotow to you most humbly! -
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Granny...As Usual...Most Perspicacious
Very observant, indeed. Almost each and every long and silly recondite word is explained synonomously, either adjacent to it or a bit later in the tale. It is also, as you astutely noticed, in context. Stringing multi-syllabic jargon together is one thing...making the most abstruse and arcane words funny and understandible, and placed in an amusing context is another. Glad you saw through it all!
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Ah me............
If 'twere but possible to rid the assayed relicts of the defenestrated linguistic hypoallagens herein contained, of the erroneuos simplifications deemed essential for the phonetically dysfunctional scrivings of the immigrants to the Neovacirus, I would deem this treatise a veritable canard de nocturne. Alas, alas, 'twere better had the aforesaid scrivener the beneficient tutelage of true scholastic excellence wherein aforesaid misspellings would be cast into outer darkness, where there is wailng and chewing of pencil ends.
Apart from that, it's not too bad! -
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You show off.
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My limited vocabulary definitely did not prepare me for this! This was ridiculously brilliant. How do you come up with this stuff? Do you use all of these words in everyday life or something?!
--One of the kiddies (Vi) -
Holy crap! That is so brilliant it borders insane. Dude... *Bows to The Mighty Gary, who makes the rest of us plebs look sadly, excerebrose (yes, my one big word, fear it, it will kill you all. That or something else will).*
Nice one, an amusing tale, with so many huge words it boggles the mind.
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Hahahaha
Wow that was funny. Nice one, Gary. I'll actually have to go and get a dictionary, even though I understood a few of the words. Great job!
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*in a chorus with all the other kiddies*
Thank you Uncle GA!
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