Steady

My heart beat fast, the feeling of rushed blood heads up to my head. My mother and father all stressed from using me for government aid.1

"Rin why don't you do something for once! I always clean the house and there you are reading a fantasy book!" She slams down her bag on the wooden table. The windows are closed and the sun already set. A chilling feeling suffocates me.2

"Shh...Honey calm down, the brat is nothing. Get used to it." Father soothes mother's back as he goes to unbuckle his belt. "I'll beat some sense into the kid this time." He kisses her as I crawl on the floor from the sofa, aware of what was coming.3

I plead, "B-But, I...I did the dishes and I swept..." As I did everyday of my life, "Please, I was just taking a break..." I whisper everything hoping the silence would soothe them and the fact our neighbors are awake playing karaoke.4

"Did you do the room! The floor is still dusty! Look at my kitchen, it should look like a model home by now!" She cries furiously and grabs her heel with freshly manicured nails as we live in this run-down house. One step closer. Another.5

Panic rises in me, what did I do to you? Cleaning, cooking, being the dummy...I...I..."I HATE YOU!" I can't stop my trembling, my killing intent. How many times have I tried to control myself? HOW MANY TIMES!6

Father yells in rage, "What did you say!" He starts to run forward.7

The neighbors hush and pretend to fake sleep. This neighborhood is pathetic. Everyone claims to help, but when it matters all play dead. I don't have the tolerance for self-pity anymore.8

My heart is stone, steady I tell myself. Steady was the key word to control for me. And it worked, for thirteen years.9

Father lifts his belt in the air...I don't raise a finger. Steady...I bet my real parents would find me I thought...Magic will save me I dreamed...Too bad. Steady just took on a whole new meaning.10

So, steadily I roll out of the way and snatch a knife. Steadily I don't blink as I stab them in the place where a heart was supposed to be. And steadily I lie to the police, crying as I fixed the scene to where we were attacked and threatened. The neighbors are my witnesses as they say there was yelling. The same yelling that formed over the threatening letters. All of those letters that were a part of my journal of misery.11

Steady I won my way mercilessly through school.12

Steady I destroyed the threats and brought down countries from the inside through their ignorance.13

Steady I framed World War 3 and was the only standing empire.14

And so, steadily I die as my partner in life went through my files and killed me with a knife. Ironic what steady did for me.15

Perhaps in a few thousand years, it will come again. The rule of the Black Heart and Steady Mind.16

 17

How did I ever become steady at all? 18