1
Night falls 2
It is time to hunt for a mate 3
The moon is full and bright 4
The air whips at my face 5
I stalk in the shadows 6
Cloaked in darkness 7
Searching for the right girl 8
Not just any female will do 9
A young girl walks by 10
She is radiant and full of life 11
Her raven hair is short, just to the shoulder 12
Her pale skin smooth as silk 13
Her dark robe flows over her shapely body 14
A delicious outline 15
Detailing each enticing curve 16
Her sweet fragrance intoxicates me 17
It draws me nearer 18
With the smell of jasmine 19
I lick my lips already tasting her flesh 20
Wanting to be close to her 21
Needing to caress each luscious slope of her body 22
I follow her as she walks down the dark streets 23
waiting for the right time to strike 24
Awaitng the time when she is completely alone 25
The perfect moment to bring her to my world 26
As I see her go into a theater 27
I think to myself "she is perfect" 28
A girl with class 29
This makes me thirst for her more 30
I sit behind her, not taking my eyes off her 31
And listening to her sweet laugh 32
This is driving me wild 33
When the play is over I walk up to her 34
I introduce myself as Michael Dagston 35
"I was sitting behind you and could not stop looking at you" 36
Her eyes fall with the rosy blush of her cheek 37
We walk outside, "Can I walk you home?" I ask 38
She shyly agrees and takes my hand 39
When we get to her home I pull her close and kiss her 40
She tastes like spring water 41
I take her to the bedroom and we make sweet love 42
My touch gives her shivers 43
As she moans with pleasure 44
Each thrust harder than the last 45
She claws my back 46
Begging for more 47
Her warm breath on my neck 48
She calls my name with love 49
As I look deep in her eyes 50
Then kiss her sweet lips 51
As I have my orgasm she screams 52
Letting go of all she has 53
Crying out in bliss 54
Her arms wrap around me 55
As I lay beside her 56
She kisses on my neck 57
And moans softly in my ear 58
When it is all over and she is fast asleep 59
I sink my teeth deep into her skin 60
She wakes without a word 61
A smile upon her face 62
She says softly in my ear "I was wondering when you would take me" 63
She closes her eyes and sighs in delight64
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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ok this was really good and indeed hot but in my opinion in the thirteenth stanzaline wouldnt it sound a bit better if u wrote it like this:
My touch gave her the shivers;
she moans with pleasure and
Each thrust was harder than the last
...this is just an opinion keep in mind but overall this was really good good luck in the contest and im 24
Edited on Jul 07, 8:49 p.m. because 'add on line'. -
I can't really identify with erotic vampires, mixing up two separate genres doesn't work for me; it's been done to death a bit thanks to the outpourings of the ubiquitous Anne Rice. Having said that, this example is perfectly OK, if predictable.
Two negatives:
1) I don't honestly see how this is a short story!
2) The green print on the odd red background makes it very difficult to read. -
arrgg change the background so hard to read!! The line "as I have my orgasm" takes away from the passion a bit, maybe something earthier? Good write! Like the idea of taking her,and her wanting to be taken
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I like this it is very nicely written and it flows very well. I like the passion expressed within.
Sel~ -
Thanks again for entering with this poem too. I won't go into the dynamics of why the judging process has been drawn out for over three weeks again, 'cause you've heard it all before... and I've already said what I like about this poem - the delicious, dark, vampire element - it really grabbed me and... captivated my senses the first time of reading - but, again, I'm sorry - it just wasn't what I was looking for. Still, if it's any consolation, it's a great poem, and I'm really glad you entered - even if you're not, lol. You have a fantastic dark style, and you write about some interesting concepts.
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Beautiful
Well~Seems I'm going to have to check out more of your cntest poems, This is beautifully wrote, so romantic~~SIGH~
and seductive, It flowed and rhymed like fine wine~
I got lost within every line you weaved together,
It has a kinda magical touch to it!
Beautifully wonderful!
~~Hearts~~ -
Very good, this was a very clean poem. The stanzas were very good, I liked the rhyming you put into this poem.
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Mmmmmm, deliciously vivid. This was just the kind of twist I wanted to a love poem. I love the whole vampire thing you've got going on, and it's got a fantastic dark, almost morbid feel to it - while being very slick and seductive at the same time. Thanks for entering, and good luck!
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you won me over with the mystic flavor of this.it has you there waiting and stalking the prey together.i love vampires writes.you write with a lot of emphasis and emotions.
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this was great and amazing!!
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This is one of the better poems I've read in a long time. I'm in love with vampire's and love to read about them. The girl reminds me of me, when I met a vampire. Anyway, great write and blessed be.
~chi -
okay i like this one better than the other one you have entered for this contest so i am gonna take this one as an entrie instead of the other one. BRavo! Goodluck!
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nice
thanx for your comment on my poem. i just hope everyone likes my work like you've expressed so far. i like your work too. it's a sweet surrender...when the lion catches his prey. -
Dear Sector-Hunter~
A stunning piece. It is in our book of various poets. Of course, I like it!
Awesome job on this. Keep writing!
Always, 
^j^Honesty
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Brilliant
i agree with baron i didnt see that comein but i could see each character and the details just kept gettin better and then POW...... i still didnt expect the end
but this is really good
i was just gettin used to ur love poems and then this WOW i liked this alot wonder when u might write another like it? but anyway keep it up dude.
Keep The Love
Saddest Rose -
Woah...interesting, full of detail and different to read, the switching images in my mind..good effect. Perfect ending, really finishes the write off well and i loved the way it starts off in darkness...then releases itself into something quite different.
Nice write
~Emma -
Great
Much better Robin! It has much more detail, and feel to it. More vivid images, are created within the mind. Good job
~somber -
i liked it!!! the words just can make a simple picture in ur head and i loved the beginning and the end!!!!u did a good job in there believe me
keep it up why dont u see my part?maybe we have something in common
mofilth -
Going to my favs
Very very well done, I do like this one a lot. Has enough details to get a vivid picture but not enough to over do it. The twist at the end I also didn't see, most of the time I can. You did a good job with this one.
I have nothing to offer about the poem it's self, it is beyond my skill to comment on
Baron -
Its got a very Blade feel about it - the midnight stalker, the willing girl, the mood and setting. Interesting read.
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