Intro/Chapter One

So my boyfriend Ron read this blog that I posted on myspace and it was about a section of my life and he wanted to hear more. Well being a pen and paper kind of person I told him I write it down for him. Not knowing where to start I decided to write my autobiography. It goes a little something like this…1

Chapter One
Birth to Three Years2

I was born in a small Catholic hospital in Little Falls, Minnesota. Now, why my mom chose to go to a Catholic hospital in the first place is beyond me, as none of my family, on either side, is Catholic, it makes no sense. It must have been the closest hospital. No matter the reason, I was born at St. Gabriel’s Hospital on October 3rd, 1992, via c-section. My life was in turmoil from the beginning; not only did my mom and dad not get to see me for over an hour after I was born, but since they weren’t married, the hospital refused to put my dad’s name on my birth certificate. How rude!? You know, to this day, my birth certificate status is “to be amended.” Because of the beliefs of the hospital I was born in, I have “no listed father.” 3

For a few months after I was born, Mike, Chad, my parents, and I lived in my mom’s sister’s cabin up in Little Falls. Chad and Mike are my brothers; Mike and I have the same dad, whereas Chad and I have the same mom. It was pretty calm, I mean my brothers didn’t get along all the time, and my dad and Chad didn’t get along all the time, but it was fairly peaceful. Another thing that is still a mystery to me is how we ended up moving back to Washington. But before my 1st birthday, we drove back to Washington, and stayed in a travel trailer. I think that at his point Chad either went to foster care or just moved out and I’m not sure where Mike went. But I’m almost certain he moved back in with his he mom, Deanna. 4

I’m gonna back up a little bit and give you some background on my mother. My mama was born on March 21st, 1960, in Tennessee, as Wanda Jean Berge. She had a rough life from the start. She was one of eleven children and was on good terms with all but two of her siblings. She grew up in a family that didn’t have much money, but plenty of love. When she was 10 she fell out of a cherry tree, shattered her skull and had to have her skull reconstructed with a metal plate. She had to relearn everything. From getting dressed and eating to walking and talking, she had it bad. 5

My mom had problems, lots and lots of problems. Don’t get me wrong I love her to death, but she was rather messed up. When my mother was 16 she got pregnant with my brother, Chad. He was born on October 2nd, 1977, she married his dad soon after. My mom had chronic depression and many other health issues. I’m not sure when she was diagnosed but she also suffered from fibromyalgia. Not much was known about this disease when she was diagnosed and they told her she had cancer and only a few months to live. Well she lived way past what they said and they finally diagnosed her correctly. Fibromyalgia is a disease that slowly destroys your muscles and causes lots of pain in the process. She also slept a lot, no one quite knew why. She would sleep for 7 days straight, but then she’d be up for 3 days. Aside from heath issues she also went in and out of alcoholism and being addicted to drugs. Before she was pregnant with me up until I was three she was a Methamphetamine addict and drank regularly. But please don’t think bad about her, she tried her best to raise my brother and I well and she never accepted defeat. She was a fighter to the end.6

We had so many good times in that trailer. Like when I was still on the bottle I would climb up in my mom and dad’s bed and hit my mom on the head with my bottle to wake them up. Or when I wanted to get out of my play pen I’d stack up my toys and “flip” out. I usually landed on the couch but one time the door was open and I landed on the pavement. My top teeth went through my bottom lip but I didn’t cry until mom started freaking out. She took me to the hospital but the doctors would do anything because I was so little and it was in my mouth. My favorite show when I was little was The Price is Right. Another thing I loved watching was 101 Dalmatians, I’m told I walked around singing Cruella de Ville. When I was potty training, the first time I tried using the big potty by myself, my dad left the seat up and I fell in. There are so many funny and warm stories from that trailer.7

The little travel trailer also holds its negativity too. I’m not sure when, but things turned sour, and fast. It got to the point where my dad could stand to be in the same room with me, well that’s what I was told anyway. My mother and father started arguing; he could take her addictions any longer. They split and he came to visit me often. Around Christmas of 1995 my mom told my dad that we were going to Minnesota to visit for two weeks and we’d be back. We took the train to Minnesota to meet my mom’s sister, Brenda, but we never did go back. I remember it was snowing and mom slept most of the way to Minnesota. The family of a little girl that was sitting behind us felt so bad that I didn’t have any Christmas presents to open, that they gave me one of hers. It was a little fake Barbie CD player with plastic discs. It played three songs and was white and pink. I played with that thing until it was so worn out I had to hold it shut.