porcelain tears: chapter 2

I always wondered why everyone was crazy to find love. My mother used to tell me love was overrated. It was kind of like a new car smell that fades after being used....soon you get so used to the smell...that you're almost numb to it. She was always using metaphors. I think she liked sounding intelligent. I once told her I loved her and she simply looked up at me and said, "Just wait till tomorra, then see if u can still say you love this piece of mess that I am." I was five when she said that to me, and I will never forget the silly grin she had plastered on her withered face. 1

They say she drove straight into the wall, as if she knew how fast to go to hit it just right. There was no alcohol in her system. I rememeber I was in class when the school nurse called me down to her office. She always smelled like sick helpless kids. She smelled like sickness. Her eyes seemed to wander as if not to stare into mine.mo2

"Your mother was killed in a horrible crash, May, you have to go and live with your father now. He is on his way here."3

I heard what she said, but all I could think of was how lucky my mom was....to hit the metaphorical wall. No pain, instant freedom.4

My father used to tell me love was all he ever wanted. But that love never seemed to want him back. He would sit in this lounge chair watching old I love Lucy reruns. He rarely left that ratty old thing other than to use the bathroom or smoke a butt on the porch, if you could call it a porch.5

I started walking the streets at thirteen and he never noticed. I think he loved Lucy more than me.....6

It was almost nice the way guys would stare and gawk over me. Like I was a beauitful treasure they wanted to have on their shelves.