Do you remember, on your 18th birthday, when we stayed over at our apartment? Yeah, your parents weren't there, since we were at college. But they had sent you cards, and money, and clothes. Judging by your reaction, it sounded like they really missed you; you were crying.1
I had rented a favorite movie of yours, that I thought we could stay up to watch, since we didn't have school on weekends. College was really costly, so I couldn't afford a whole cake, sorry, babe. Just two slices of dark chocolate ice cream cake. And two cokes. And my guitar. 2
You said you loved it. But I still thought you deserved better. How about next year, we spend it at the beach? I asked. You thought it would be too much fuss, and politely declined. Fine. But next year was gonna be tons better, I vowed. You laughed.3
I sang to you with my guitar. First the traditional happy birthday song. Then I began playing Lifehouse's "You Belong To Me." I know how much you love them. I kept my head down, but I occasionally sneaked looks at you. You looked so happy. And you were blushing. I finished playing, and reached over to kiss you.4
California's really sunny, and its sunsets are beautiful. As we were eating, the sun cast shadows on the walls, and illuminated you, sitting with your back to the window. Your brown hair looked like gold, and your skin was glowing. Damn, I sighed. You're beautiful.5
Just then, the electricity went out. No television. I sighed. But you were fine with it. You said the day was already complete without the movie. I love you for that. You don't ask for much, but I wish you did.6
I also wish you had told me earlier. I know I would have been sad, I understand your reason, but I wish you had. You had to go back home because your mother was dying, and you didn't have enough money. Baby, I could have paid for your tuition. But you refused. No, I don't want you to go do back breaking work for me. I'll send you letters. And I grabbed you into a fiery kiss.7
Every year since then, I'd take my guitar out, and strum that simple song you loved so much. You belong to me. Don't forget that, baby. I won't forget either.
Author notes
You can write ILY on paper, and it'll crumple up.
You can write ILY on asphalt, but it'll fade away.
You can tell someone ILY, eventually they'll forget.
You can carve ILY into your heart, and it'll always be withyou.
mew
fill my soul with the spirit of life
A contest entry
- Love hurts. by Yoko.
105 points, ended June 14, 2008, 20 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Second first contest! Happy time! by Vanilla King.
300 points, ended June 9, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Dear ______, I love you. Love, Me. P.S. Here's a picture of us now. by Noisome..
275 points, ended July 7, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Got something good? by IxLovexElphiex.
250 points, ended July 13, 2008, 30 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - 'Awwwwww...' by taylor-swift13.
350 points, ended October 25, 2008, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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very sweet.
i really liked it.
the sentence flow was a tad choppy, but at times it was just beautiful.
the details made it very real.
the end where you put "strum that simple song you loved so much." i actually felt a little teary. i dont know why. it was just a very pretty sentence.
thanks for entering and good luck! -
I really enjoy the style you wrote this and the blunt feeling that comes from it. It was rough, choppy, but lovely at the same time. Your emotions are beautiful and the pain of the girl.. though you don't detail it, you can tell. This was a beautiful letter... Great feelings, I love it.
Thanks for entering! Good luck!
P.S. Any errors I found, minor. No worries. But the title.. Please correct your capitalization? It's making me twitch a tad..
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Very sweet. Could flow a little better but all in all it was great to read. Good job sorry i don't have a lot to write
i'm in a rush because i don't have a lot of time and i'm trying to comment everything.
"Every year since then, I'd take my guitar out, and strum that simple song you loved so much. You belong to me. Don't forget that, baby. I won't forget either." My favorite part :]
What impact does this have on the community? What more impact could it have?
haha idk i always try to answer one of the questions it gives you. -
Awww! It was sweet, cute, and romantice. You did a pretty good job of expressing the feelings, but you need to use these " when a person is talking. Other than that, it was well written and a nice read. Keep writing!
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very nice
It was very thoughtful, makes you think about how love isnt money, just the opposite, and how it only takes two to love, not money!! althoguh lovey dovey type things arent my favorite, iot was pretty good!
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very cute and well written.
it's midnight where i am and this is making me think of somebody that i shouldn't be thinking of.
good job, you made a rock miss somebody :]
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This was very nice... I guess somewhere it touched me and somehow reminds me of someone... It's really good. It's late right now, so my brain is sort of shut off, so I just can't come up with better words to describe what I feel! It's a story I'm sure a lot of people can relate too, a story perfect for a first love, even if you're no longer with that person. No matter what happens or who you'll be with later in life, that person will always have a place in your heart. You'll always love them. (I guess by "you" I mean "me" xD)
A few minor pointers:
P3: How about next year, we spend it at the beach? I asked.
I think it's good to put this question in quotation marks. Also, it doesn't flow too well. "How about next year, we can spend it at the beach?" might be better.
Good luck in the contest, keep up the writing skills!
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Nice. How romantic. Loooove rules!
It's so sad. The ending was awesome.
Every year since then, I'd take my guitar out, and strum that simple song you loved so much. You belong to me. Don't forget that, baby. I won't forget either.
Nice writing. It had alot of voice. Good job! *thumbs up* Hehe, mew!
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Good write! It has a lot of emotion! The grammar is good too!
Some itches I had were:
You started a lot of sentences with the same word. Try changing it up, reword the sentences to make it more interesting.
Also, try experimenting with long and short sentences. They add a flow to the story.
Really cute and sad! Keep writing!
-CC
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